Qingxiao stared at him, suddenly felt a little disappointed and said: Actually, your unreasonable look is also very cute. You always have to listen to you in everything... I am also a person with a strong personality. I have never bowed my head to anyone in my life, including me, but I can't do anything to you. I don't know if it's the only one who I should meet in this way. You... and Simon
Yu raised his head sensitively and said: Simon? Is he?
Qingxiao smiled a little sad and proudly, saying: He was my good friend when he was a child, a very stubborn person you...a bit like him...
He slowly stroked Yu Pao Yu's shoulders, his movements became gentle unconsciously, and he whispered: But he is not as good as you, there are many freckles on both sides of his nose. After so long, I can still remember his appearance clearly. It's incredible...
Yu said in a daze: Do you think I look like him?
Qingxiao thought for a while and said: If you really want to talk about it, it doesn’t look like him, he is very inconspicuous. He is a small person and can’t find him in the crowd. He is not as smart as you. Although his grades are good, it is the result of hard work that you think his grades are not good.
As if I remembered something funny, he smiled proudly: I only need to read books for half an hour every day, and my test scores are better than him, but in order to take care of his self-esteem, I usually let him go, so I don't read books in normal times.
He doesn't like talking very much, he always goes alone, and has a strong self-esteem. From this point of view, he looks very similar to you.
Qingxiao turned his head and stared at Yu, saying: Just from this angle, his lips were tightly closed, his eyelids were drooping, and he looked coldly and rejected the outside world, which looked very similar to you.
Yu whispered: Ah He lowered his head, unable to see his eyebrows, only to see the light blue blood vessel near his temple beating gently, looking extremely slender
Kiyoshi stared at him in a daze and said: Do you know? My family background is very complicated. I came from the Sanada group, a well-known underworld family in the Americas. My father was much more blatant than now. The underworld characters were very arrogant and walked sideways, afraid that others would not know that he was a underworld.
Before I was seven years old, I basically lived with my mother. My father rarely came back. He was either busy grabbing territory or avoiding the police wanted mother who was worried that he was a Christian and a kind woman. He didn't like the things my father did, but she really loved her father and couldn't stop him. There was no way that the only thing she could do was pray for her father. The rest of the time would be used to educate me not to follow my father's path...
Yu heard some clues from his words and said: What happened when you were seven years old?
Qingxiao paused for a moment and said expressionlessly: That year, my mother died of gang revenge
Yu was stunned and said: Sorry
Qingxiao was silent for a moment and said: It's not your business, it's because my dad was implicated, but my dad didn't think so. He thought it was because his strength was too weak at that time and could not protect his mom. But my dad often went home from now on, personally supported me and taught me. Many things in the help were left to my uncle to take care of. He told me that strength is everything, and with strength, you can protect the person you love.
He let out a sigh and said in a daze: So I grew up under two concepts since I was a child. I thought I had found the right path, but now I feel that sometimes, what my dad said may not be the truth.
Yu silently held Qingxiao's hand. Although he didn't know how to comfort Qingxiao, he also hoped that he could feel his support.
Qingxiao forced a smile and said: It's all like this now, you can imagine how confused my mind would be for me, who was a child at that time, sometimes I felt that my mother was killed by my father and was full of rebellion. Sometimes I felt that my father was right, his heart should be cruel, his hands should be fierce, and he should suppress all his opponents so that my mother would not die. So I tried my best to practice kung fu and decided to be an outstanding person in my father's eyes and never be defeated by others.
His smile was a little bitter and he said lightly: At that time, I had only my dad, a relative. He loved me so much, and I cherish it very much
Yu was already unknowingly attracted by his narrative and whispered: I understand
Qingxiao sighed: So when I was in middle school, I was already a famous overlord in the school. Others knew that I was the son of the underworld. No one was afraid of me. He nodded in front of me and pointed at me behind my back. I hated them, the more I did this, the more I bullied them. I was really a child who gave the teacher a headache at that time, but my dad was very proud of me.
He smiled bitterly: But my mother's teachings and her death have always been in my heart that I could not be erased at that time. Just like you now, I vaguely know what is right in my heart, but I can't let others accept me, nor can I face the more conflicted and anxious I feel, the more angry I am, because they discriminate against me as the son of the underworld. Of course, this can only make others push me further and further... Until I met Simon
Speaking of this, his eyes became extremely soft and his voice began to slow down: I charged people protection fees, but no one dared to disobey what he said, except for him, he was so thin and small, but no matter how he bullied him, he still refused to do what he thought was wrong...
When he realized that Yu was very impressed by his hearing, Qingxiao couldn't help but say: Hello, what are you thinking?
Yu said seriously: I was wondering, how did you bully him?
Qingxiao's face turned slightly red and said: It's just some tricks of children... But he refused to surrender, and even turned around to convince me...
Yu asked: What's the result?
Qingxiao smiled awkwardly and said: As a result, I was convinced by him... I felt that my dad was wrong, and my thoughts were wrong...
Yu lowered his head and said: He is very influential to you?
Qingxiao pondered for a while and said: It should be considered as true. I am very grateful that he opened a knot in my heart, that is, it is not important for others to think you are, and doing what you think is right is important.
He hugged Yu and said softly: And think about it, you care so much about the eyes of the world, but what are they? They are just a group of passers-by and me? I am by your side. How could you commit suicide because those irrelevant people look down on you, but ignore my feelings?
He stared into Yu's eyes and slowly said: Are those people more important to you than me?
Yu's lips trembled for a moment and whispered: Qingxiao...
Qingxiao took his hand, put it on his lips, kissed it solemnly, and said: Remember, it’s not that no one wants it, it’s not that no one loves you. There is someone who loves you, more than anything else.
A layer of water mist slowly appeared in Yu's eyes, and he buried his head in Qingxiao's arms and said in a trembling voice: Qingxiao...
Qingxiao was filled with mixed feelings. The past time caught up with reality and gathered with reality. He closed his eyes and said hoarsely: Everyone is lonely. When we come to this world alone, we will go back alone. But we are not the only ones, we always have some people who care about us, so that we would rather give everything and make them happy. Because of this concern, we have more reasons to live in this world and more power to face loneliness.
He felt the trembling of the person in his arms, and the clothes on his chest seemed to have been wet for a few years ago. If he was willing to hug the boy, the other party's reaction would probably be like this. The only person who never disliked him was finally disliked by him...
He closed his eyes and continued to say: These are what Simon taught me...
Speaking of this, he suddenly stopped and swallowed a word that poured over his lips: It was him who taught me to love...
Yu leaned on his chest, gradually stopped trembling, and whispered: Do you think he is just your good friend when you were a child?
Yes
Yu was silent for a long time, but still asked: What about now?
Qing Xiaodao: No now
He felt his eyes a little sore and slowly said: He will never grow up because he is dead
Yu was stunned. After a while, he said: Sorry
Qingxiao's thoughts that were aroused by the sound of being circling in his heart, and he could not calm down those who had passed away for a while. He thought that he had forgotten the things that passed away, but he was still hidden deep in his heart and never left.
An irrepressible bitterness spread little by little to the limbs and bones, and empty holes were eroded wherever he passed. He felt empty and opened his arms and hugged Yu hard. He hugged him so tightly that Yu could hardly breathe.
It feels so young and flexible when I catch the real thing, I have flesh and blood, talking and laughing, but I am still in his arms
They hugged like this for a long time, and Qingxiao said in a mute voice: Do you think I have never lost it? Xiaoyu, life has never been perfect, so why bother to ask for too much? Cherish what you still have now, don’t wait until you lose it before regretting it!
His voice was dull and desolate, with an indescribable pain. Yu shook slightly, stretched out his hand to smooth out his knotted eyebrows, and whispered: It’s not that I don’t want to fight for it... but, I just think you deserve better, let alone at this point, my body...
He looked up at Qingxiao, his smile a little bitter: You will work hard... I really don't want to be your burden
Qing Xiaoqiang cheered up and said: It is because he has reached this point, it is not worth giving up again. In short, if you think you don’t think too much, you feel discouraged, just think about me more, thinking about me, thinking that I am still working hard to find hope, don’t hit me again
Yu blushed and said: I won't know
Qingxiao looked calm and said coldly: This is not a request, it is an order. I used to be too indulged in you. Listen, if you play this trick of self-harm and suicide for me in the future, I will not be able to spare you!
His tone was very serious, and he knew at a glance that it was definitely not a joke. Yu couldn't help but be stunned and said in surprise: Qingxiao?
Qingxiao sighed: There is a theory in medicine. If others think of you, then you will easily become the kind of person that others expect. A person with mediocre appearance, timid and inferiority complex. If others consider her a beauty to be a compliment, she will easily become confident. So I think, if I can treat you as a normal person all the time, then you will probably be able to gradually enter my world.
A man with a mediocre appearance, timid and inferior... Yu murmured and replied dryly,
Qingxiao let out a long breath and said: But it seems that the guy left too deep a mark on you for three years. I now let you think independently and make choices. You will only think randomly, but you will feel even less secure. So, let's go back to the BDSM lifestyle first. You can follow my guidance to do it much faster.
He smiled slightly and said: In this way, you don’t have to worry about your body. Many people live like this. You are not an alien, although it is relatively rare.
Yu listened in a daze and said hesitantly: But... don't you dislike SM?
Qingxiao said excitedly: I naturally don’t like seeing that guy?... He suddenly stopped and looked at Yu apologetically. Seeing that the other party was not abnormal, he continued: I naturally cannot have a good impression of SM. I hope you can get rid of that lifestyle and fully integrate into society. I also thought of many ways, but you have been unwilling to come over, so I have to walk over and lead you over.
He fiddled with Yu's black hair and whispered: I know, you are actually very disgusted in your heart, but you can't get rid of it with your own strength, right?
Yu didn't say anything, suddenly fell into Qingxiao's arms and cried in a low voice. Why is this man always able to solve the problem lightly?
Qingxiao gently patted him and said as if coaxing a child: Stop crying, have you found a solution? Why are you crying? But you have to remember Ah, I walked over just to lead you over, and the ultimate goal is to integrate into this society. You can't be willful and unable to stay where you are?
Tears flowed even harder. I thought the tears that had dried up had already flowed out.
Qingxiao said helplessly: Okay, okay, if you want to cry, just cry today, tomorrow... tomorrow won't work Ah Starting from tomorrow, everything will be listened to me
Speaking of this, he couldn't help but sigh, feeling deeply that the fatigue that came from the depths of his soul wanted to soothe Yu again, but he lost his strength and said nothing at all. He just looked at the man who was lying in front of him and cried bitterly, thinking about the words he had said:
It was from this angle that his lips were tightly closed, his eyelids were drooping, and he looked cold and rejected the outside world, which looked very similar to you.
In fact, this person is not like this. He is neither like Simon nor a little like the feathers or skins in his memory. However, the core inside has been stolen by someone. He searched hard and tried his best to search, but he didn't know if he could find it back.
What should I do if I can't find it back?
This question flashed in his mind, and was immediately abandoned and refused to think about it.
He just stared at the naked man who was crying and called in his heart: Xiaoyu, come back quickly! If you don’t come back, I really don’t know how long I can support you…
Mark Finish
Yu raised his head sensitively and said: Simon? Is he?
Qingxiao smiled a little sad and proudly, saying: He was my good friend when he was a child, a very stubborn person you...a bit like him...
He slowly stroked Yu Pao Yu's shoulders, his movements became gentle unconsciously, and he whispered: But he is not as good as you, there are many freckles on both sides of his nose. After so long, I can still remember his appearance clearly. It's incredible...
Yu said in a daze: Do you think I look like him?
Qingxiao thought for a while and said: If you really want to talk about it, it doesn’t look like him, he is very inconspicuous. He is a small person and can’t find him in the crowd. He is not as smart as you. Although his grades are good, it is the result of hard work that you think his grades are not good.
As if I remembered something funny, he smiled proudly: I only need to read books for half an hour every day, and my test scores are better than him, but in order to take care of his self-esteem, I usually let him go, so I don't read books in normal times.
He doesn't like talking very much, he always goes alone, and has a strong self-esteem. From this point of view, he looks very similar to you.
Qingxiao turned his head and stared at Yu, saying: Just from this angle, his lips were tightly closed, his eyelids were drooping, and he looked coldly and rejected the outside world, which looked very similar to you.
Yu whispered: Ah He lowered his head, unable to see his eyebrows, only to see the light blue blood vessel near his temple beating gently, looking extremely slender
Kiyoshi stared at him in a daze and said: Do you know? My family background is very complicated. I came from the Sanada group, a well-known underworld family in the Americas. My father was much more blatant than now. The underworld characters were very arrogant and walked sideways, afraid that others would not know that he was a underworld.
Before I was seven years old, I basically lived with my mother. My father rarely came back. He was either busy grabbing territory or avoiding the police wanted mother who was worried that he was a Christian and a kind woman. He didn't like the things my father did, but she really loved her father and couldn't stop him. There was no way that the only thing she could do was pray for her father. The rest of the time would be used to educate me not to follow my father's path...
Yu heard some clues from his words and said: What happened when you were seven years old?
Qingxiao paused for a moment and said expressionlessly: That year, my mother died of gang revenge
Yu was stunned and said: Sorry
Qingxiao was silent for a moment and said: It's not your business, it's because my dad was implicated, but my dad didn't think so. He thought it was because his strength was too weak at that time and could not protect his mom. But my dad often went home from now on, personally supported me and taught me. Many things in the help were left to my uncle to take care of. He told me that strength is everything, and with strength, you can protect the person you love.
He let out a sigh and said in a daze: So I grew up under two concepts since I was a child. I thought I had found the right path, but now I feel that sometimes, what my dad said may not be the truth.
Yu silently held Qingxiao's hand. Although he didn't know how to comfort Qingxiao, he also hoped that he could feel his support.
Qingxiao forced a smile and said: It's all like this now, you can imagine how confused my mind would be for me, who was a child at that time, sometimes I felt that my mother was killed by my father and was full of rebellion. Sometimes I felt that my father was right, his heart should be cruel, his hands should be fierce, and he should suppress all his opponents so that my mother would not die. So I tried my best to practice kung fu and decided to be an outstanding person in my father's eyes and never be defeated by others.
His smile was a little bitter and he said lightly: At that time, I had only my dad, a relative. He loved me so much, and I cherish it very much
Yu was already unknowingly attracted by his narrative and whispered: I understand
Qingxiao sighed: So when I was in middle school, I was already a famous overlord in the school. Others knew that I was the son of the underworld. No one was afraid of me. He nodded in front of me and pointed at me behind my back. I hated them, the more I did this, the more I bullied them. I was really a child who gave the teacher a headache at that time, but my dad was very proud of me.
He smiled bitterly: But my mother's teachings and her death have always been in my heart that I could not be erased at that time. Just like you now, I vaguely know what is right in my heart, but I can't let others accept me, nor can I face the more conflicted and anxious I feel, the more angry I am, because they discriminate against me as the son of the underworld. Of course, this can only make others push me further and further... Until I met Simon
Speaking of this, his eyes became extremely soft and his voice began to slow down: I charged people protection fees, but no one dared to disobey what he said, except for him, he was so thin and small, but no matter how he bullied him, he still refused to do what he thought was wrong...
When he realized that Yu was very impressed by his hearing, Qingxiao couldn't help but say: Hello, what are you thinking?
Yu said seriously: I was wondering, how did you bully him?
Qingxiao's face turned slightly red and said: It's just some tricks of children... But he refused to surrender, and even turned around to convince me...
Yu asked: What's the result?
Qingxiao smiled awkwardly and said: As a result, I was convinced by him... I felt that my dad was wrong, and my thoughts were wrong...
Yu lowered his head and said: He is very influential to you?
Qingxiao pondered for a while and said: It should be considered as true. I am very grateful that he opened a knot in my heart, that is, it is not important for others to think you are, and doing what you think is right is important.
He hugged Yu and said softly: And think about it, you care so much about the eyes of the world, but what are they? They are just a group of passers-by and me? I am by your side. How could you commit suicide because those irrelevant people look down on you, but ignore my feelings?
He stared into Yu's eyes and slowly said: Are those people more important to you than me?
Yu's lips trembled for a moment and whispered: Qingxiao...
Qingxiao took his hand, put it on his lips, kissed it solemnly, and said: Remember, it’s not that no one wants it, it’s not that no one loves you. There is someone who loves you, more than anything else.
A layer of water mist slowly appeared in Yu's eyes, and he buried his head in Qingxiao's arms and said in a trembling voice: Qingxiao...
Qingxiao was filled with mixed feelings. The past time caught up with reality and gathered with reality. He closed his eyes and said hoarsely: Everyone is lonely. When we come to this world alone, we will go back alone. But we are not the only ones, we always have some people who care about us, so that we would rather give everything and make them happy. Because of this concern, we have more reasons to live in this world and more power to face loneliness.
He felt the trembling of the person in his arms, and the clothes on his chest seemed to have been wet for a few years ago. If he was willing to hug the boy, the other party's reaction would probably be like this. The only person who never disliked him was finally disliked by him...
He closed his eyes and continued to say: These are what Simon taught me...
Speaking of this, he suddenly stopped and swallowed a word that poured over his lips: It was him who taught me to love...
Yu leaned on his chest, gradually stopped trembling, and whispered: Do you think he is just your good friend when you were a child?
Yes
Yu was silent for a long time, but still asked: What about now?
Qing Xiaodao: No now
He felt his eyes a little sore and slowly said: He will never grow up because he is dead
Yu was stunned. After a while, he said: Sorry
Qingxiao's thoughts that were aroused by the sound of being circling in his heart, and he could not calm down those who had passed away for a while. He thought that he had forgotten the things that passed away, but he was still hidden deep in his heart and never left.
An irrepressible bitterness spread little by little to the limbs and bones, and empty holes were eroded wherever he passed. He felt empty and opened his arms and hugged Yu hard. He hugged him so tightly that Yu could hardly breathe.
It feels so young and flexible when I catch the real thing, I have flesh and blood, talking and laughing, but I am still in his arms
They hugged like this for a long time, and Qingxiao said in a mute voice: Do you think I have never lost it? Xiaoyu, life has never been perfect, so why bother to ask for too much? Cherish what you still have now, don’t wait until you lose it before regretting it!
His voice was dull and desolate, with an indescribable pain. Yu shook slightly, stretched out his hand to smooth out his knotted eyebrows, and whispered: It’s not that I don’t want to fight for it... but, I just think you deserve better, let alone at this point, my body...
He looked up at Qingxiao, his smile a little bitter: You will work hard... I really don't want to be your burden
Qing Xiaoqiang cheered up and said: It is because he has reached this point, it is not worth giving up again. In short, if you think you don’t think too much, you feel discouraged, just think about me more, thinking about me, thinking that I am still working hard to find hope, don’t hit me again
Yu blushed and said: I won't know
Qingxiao looked calm and said coldly: This is not a request, it is an order. I used to be too indulged in you. Listen, if you play this trick of self-harm and suicide for me in the future, I will not be able to spare you!
His tone was very serious, and he knew at a glance that it was definitely not a joke. Yu couldn't help but be stunned and said in surprise: Qingxiao?
Qingxiao sighed: There is a theory in medicine. If others think of you, then you will easily become the kind of person that others expect. A person with mediocre appearance, timid and inferiority complex. If others consider her a beauty to be a compliment, she will easily become confident. So I think, if I can treat you as a normal person all the time, then you will probably be able to gradually enter my world.
A man with a mediocre appearance, timid and inferior... Yu murmured and replied dryly,
Qingxiao let out a long breath and said: But it seems that the guy left too deep a mark on you for three years. I now let you think independently and make choices. You will only think randomly, but you will feel even less secure. So, let's go back to the BDSM lifestyle first. You can follow my guidance to do it much faster.
He smiled slightly and said: In this way, you don’t have to worry about your body. Many people live like this. You are not an alien, although it is relatively rare.
Yu listened in a daze and said hesitantly: But... don't you dislike SM?
Qingxiao said excitedly: I naturally don’t like seeing that guy?... He suddenly stopped and looked at Yu apologetically. Seeing that the other party was not abnormal, he continued: I naturally cannot have a good impression of SM. I hope you can get rid of that lifestyle and fully integrate into society. I also thought of many ways, but you have been unwilling to come over, so I have to walk over and lead you over.
He fiddled with Yu's black hair and whispered: I know, you are actually very disgusted in your heart, but you can't get rid of it with your own strength, right?
Yu didn't say anything, suddenly fell into Qingxiao's arms and cried in a low voice. Why is this man always able to solve the problem lightly?
Qingxiao gently patted him and said as if coaxing a child: Stop crying, have you found a solution? Why are you crying? But you have to remember Ah, I walked over just to lead you over, and the ultimate goal is to integrate into this society. You can't be willful and unable to stay where you are?
Tears flowed even harder. I thought the tears that had dried up had already flowed out.
Qingxiao said helplessly: Okay, okay, if you want to cry, just cry today, tomorrow... tomorrow won't work Ah Starting from tomorrow, everything will be listened to me
Speaking of this, he couldn't help but sigh, feeling deeply that the fatigue that came from the depths of his soul wanted to soothe Yu again, but he lost his strength and said nothing at all. He just looked at the man who was lying in front of him and cried bitterly, thinking about the words he had said:
It was from this angle that his lips were tightly closed, his eyelids were drooping, and he looked cold and rejected the outside world, which looked very similar to you.
In fact, this person is not like this. He is neither like Simon nor a little like the feathers or skins in his memory. However, the core inside has been stolen by someone. He searched hard and tried his best to search, but he didn't know if he could find it back.
What should I do if I can't find it back?
This question flashed in his mind, and was immediately abandoned and refused to think about it.
He just stared at the naked man who was crying and called in his heart: Xiaoyu, come back quickly! If you don’t come back, I really don’t know how long I can support you…
Mark Finish
![[Science fiction] The diary of the female fall of the white-haired pseudo-woman - SM, fake girl](/templates/nvshen/themes/img/thumb_1.png)