Chapter 7 Mark (7)

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Qingxiao drove the car and looked at Yu nervously from time to time. He saw his face pale and tears rolling in his eyes. He just didn't fall out and noticed Qingxiao was observing him. He simply turned his head and pretended to be watching the scenery outside.

As soon as he got home, he pushed and said he was uncomfortable and went straight to his bedroom, but Kiyoko grabbed him: What happened, Xiaoyu? Your face was ugly and I did something wrong.

No, nothing! He vetoed, eager to return to his corner and licked his wounds alone, but Qingxiao stubbornly refused to let him go, and his firm eyes forced him to give in: Sorry, Qingxiao, I think it was my fault, but now I want to take a break alone, is it okay?

No, Qingxiao said uncompromisingly, Xiaoyu, you must tell me your thoughts and feelings without telling me anything. How do I know what you are thinking and how to truly treat you?

It's not your problem, no! Sorry, sorry, sorry... Yu Yu said incoherently, his eyes were confused and panic, his dark pupils were soaked in tears, and he had a fragility that was about to break at once. Can you give me a rest? Please!

No, you can't escape today! You are always like this, keeping everything in your heart, and not willing to tell me! Qingxiao was a little excited and whispered, "It was like this before, but it's still like this now, it's so stubborn and autistic that it's annoying! We have wasted so much time for this!

If you had told me about your family's situation earlier, I could have come up with an idea for you. Maybe there would be no such disaster at all.

If you told me that you were not ready for sex from mental to physiology, how could I force myself to do it regardless of your wishes and let you suffer another torture?

He was so excited that he took a step forward and said: Am I not doing well enough? Why do you still refuse to trust me? It is not okay to always close yourself. Let me walk into your heart and let me take responsibility with you!

However, Yu seemed to have never heard his heartfelt words, his whole body was trembling, his eyes staring ahead in fear, as if he had seen something terrible through Qingxiao. He made a strange sound from his throat, trying his best to pull out his arms from Qingxiao's hands, crossed his arms and hugged them in front of his chest, rejecting the outside world and protecting his posture

Sorry, it was my fault... He kept murmuring, as if he was completely immersed in his own world. Qingxiao no longer exists to him

Qingxiao looked at him with regret, lost and sad, and whispered: Xiaoyu, you have to learn to trust me and accept me. Do you know how sad I feel when I see you struggling and suffering alone? You...you can't be too selfish!

This sentence is like a long sharp needle, which suddenly pierced his forced disguise, Qingxiao looked at the mask in surprise and collapsed instantly. He knelt on the ground with his knees, covered his face and cried bitterly, and said in a lost voice: Yes! It's my fault! Punish me, Qingxiao, it's because I can't accept your kindness! That place makes me unable to stand it...

Qingxiao slowly squatted down, raised his chin, stared at the face of tears, and his eyes had completely lost their focus, flashing a kind of madness that was almost desperate.

Yes, crazy

He seemed to have completely lost his mind, like a crazy little beast falling into a trap.

Punish me, please! He knelt down begging humbly

A trace of tremor crawled over Qingxiao's back, a vague cognition that had been hidden deep in his heart for a long time was slowly taking shape, but he refused to believe it

With a glimmer of hope, he asked softly: What you want is not punishment, but pain, right?

No answer

The dark eyes stared at him, with emptiness, chaos and gloom in his eyes, with a desperate situation

His heart sank

What you want is pain. You hope to use physical pain to relieve the burden on your soul.

This is no longer an inquiry, but a certainty

When he said this, his heart was stinging sharply and he went too late.

The whip is so refreshing, the surrender under the strong, what you want is this? Qingxiao whispered, his voice trembling uncontrollably. I have been trying to communicate with you in other ways. I don’t want you to fall into the BDSM circle and can’t extricate yourself. I want to treat you equally and make you familiar with the normal social model, but I always fail. But you can’t suppress your emotions all the time. If you have too much pressure, the boiler will explode. If you can’t find other ways to vent or communicate with the outside world, I will help you make sure you need this?

Yu looked at him blankly, his lips trembling: Qingxiao...

Qingxiao closed her eyes, clasped her palms into fists, and suddenly shouted: Then what are you waiting for? Take off your clothes!

He stepped forward, pulled Yu's pullover to his armpit, took off his belt, and whipped it up with a scream

Yu fell to the ground in response to the sound, and a red mark with two fingers wide appeared on his snow-white back. The sudden and intense pain caused him to let out a broken moan.

Is this what you want? Qingxiao felt a stinging pain in his throat. He forced himself to suppress himself, and his hand holding the belt was still stable. Can the pain in his body make you feel better?

Yes Yes Yes! Yu leaned on the ground, clutching the carpet with his hands tightly, tears were blurred in his eyes, and shouted, I am such a person, and it is not worthy of your kindness to me!

The long-standing suppressed emotions were finally released with the pain of tearing the flesh. At that moment, the human-shaped disguise he barely pieced together fell apart and shattered into pieces.

Yes, this is his prototype

The belt was whizzing again with the howling wind, leaving behind one hideous mark after another, conveying the sharp pain from the skin to the flesh.

The pain that had been long-lost, pure and strong pain finally came to him like a familiar old friend

And he welcomed the pain, letting the pain take over everything, leaving his brain blank

He woke up from zero memory and stayed away from the man who made him tremble, but his heart could not find support, like a boat that could not stop on the shore, and could only float around with the wind and waves.

He could not distinguish between reality and nightmare, nor could he face the past and the future, so he could only rely on Qingxiao wholeheartedly, fearing the loss at all times

He loves filial piety, but he can't say that he hates that person, but he dare not face it at all

He was cautious as if walking on thin ice. He tried his best to suppress his careful disguise. His spirit had collapsed to the limit and felt that he was about to go crazy.

Finally, at this moment, the inner anxiety and mania are poured out with the refreshing whipping

The pain was like an anchor sinking into the sea, making his floating heart finally fixed

He rolled and shouted, and many words buried deep in his heart rushed out, but he had no time to care about what he was saying.

No need for thoughts at this moment, just feel

Immerse yourself in sensory stimulation, allowing pain to drown your body like waves

The scars on his body became denser, but his body temperature was gradually rising, his emotions became more and more excited, and he didn't know when the moans he made changed his nature.

Pain is stronger than love, more tempting than death

In the extreme pain, he was surprised to find that his body actually reacted!

Yes, he read that right, his lower body had already set up a tent

Qingxiao stopped whipping and said in surprise: Xiaoyu...

In front of Qingxiao, he felt ashamed and angry, and whispered: Sorry... He crawled and rolled into the bathroom, locked the door with his backhand, quickly removed his clothes and pants, but he saw that his clone had already stood tall and hard as iron.

He felt cold in his heart, and he was sitting in a daze in the dressing mirror opposite the ground, reflecting his embarrassing appearance.

The person in the mirror had a pale face, his black hair was soaked in tears and sweat, and he was clumsy and clamped against his cheeks and back. The raised red marks on his legs were crisscrossed, but his lower body responded shamefully!

...I suspect that my body has changed, maybe someone really needs to whip it a few times before it becomes hard

That was originally a comfort to Kiyoko, but I didn’t expect it to hit the point!

Three years

More than a thousand days and nights, the mark that the man left on him was not just the scars on his neck and the tattoos on his buttocks.

What is left of him now?

Wealth, dignity, intelligence, health...

Feeling that all his strength had been taken away, he stared blankly at the body in the mirror that had been forcibly transformed, his heart was ashamed

The most secret desire that death suppressed in the heart once again emerged in my mind

It is said that survival is human instinct, but isn’t it an ultimate temptation to end all death? Just like when you are happiest, you will shed tears, and when you are happiest, you will long to die. Everyone has a desire for death deep in their hearts.

Survival instinct and death impulse jointly build two most important pillars of the human mind, the former prompts humans to inspire a strong desire to fight and desire to survive at the most desperate moment, while the latter allows us to solve problems once and for all when facing unbearable burdens.

Yu slowly stood up and took out the razor from the cabinet above the washbasin. He unexpectedly found that there was no blade in the razor. At this time, his hand holding the razor was tightly held by a big hand. He was shocked to see Kiyoko's figure, and his other hand reached over and easily grabbed the razor from his hand.

I've done some tricks in the bathroom door, in fact, all the doors here cannot be completely locked, I won't make a second mistake again. Qingxiao's voice, unexpected calm. If his heart is also full of anger and sadness, at least it can't be heard from the tone of his speech.

Such a filial piety made Yu feel embarrassed. He didn't know how to face this man who gave everything for him

Qingxiao... He stumbled and lowered his head

Qingxiao's face also had no expression. He took out a tube of ointment from his pocket and said lightly: Is this a trauma ointment for treating external injuries, do you want me to apply it here or go to the bedroom?

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When the cool ointment was applied to his wound that seemed to be burned by fire, his whole body was shaken by the dark memories that had passed unstoppable.

Did you remember something bad? Qingxiao's cold voice came from his ears, reminding him what reality is

Sorry... He murmured, and then suddenly remembered that this was one of the words Qingxiao hated to hear the most

However, Kiyoko did not have an attack. He just sighed deeply, continued to apply ointment to him, then patted his butt, signaled him to get up

He turned over without saying a word, still dared not look up and see Xiao clearly, and reached out to get his clothes

No, if you have any injuries on your body, you are not used to wearing clothes now, are you? Although it is a sentence, your tone is quite certain

Yu didn't say anything, he didn't like to be naked, but he was really not used to clothing fibers stimulating the body. Long-term nakedness also made him sometimes not realize that he was not wearing clothes yet. But he knew that Qingxiao didn't like it, so every time he saw Qingxiao, he would subconsciously check whether he was dressed neatly.

When he thought of what happened just now, his face was so shy that he was embarrassed. He just wished he could have a crack in the ground to let himself get in.

But Qingxiao obviously would not let him go so easily. He intuitively knew that he had forced Qingxiao to the bottom line today, and the consequences were beyond his expectations that he took an old magazine and put them on a chair to prevent the furniture from being dirty by his blood-stained body. He sat up carefully

A smile that was not considered a smile on Qingxiao's lips: Why are you sitting so far? Come here

He honestly moved the chair to Qingxiao.

Qingxiao patted his thigh and said: Sit here

He was stunned and spoke, but Qingxiao had already spoken first: Are you going to say that you are lewd, you are inferior, and you are not worthy?

Looking at his discolored face, Qingxiao smiled bitterly and said: This is what you said just now... Although I don't like this method, you can finally tell the truth, which is a good thing. Sitting on my lap, I want to touch your body with my hands more than a belt.

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He finally snuggled over obediently and sat down on Qingxiao's naked buttocks, which directly touched Qingxiao's thighs, but neither of them had any meaning of lust.

Qingxiao put his waist in one hand and gently tidied his messy hair with the other, saying: Why do you say that to yourself? I say I don't care, that's not your fault

Yumoto didn't want to say much, but he still spoke and whispered: What does it matter if his fault is? Now he is already like this, he is really tired of himself and others being filial... You, you will make yourself very hard

Qingxiao's expression changed slightly, his hand paused for a moment, and fell on Yu's shoulder. It's a big deal? Maybe, but after doing so much, why can you stop? He forced a smile and said, "Isn't I very much a loss to give up now?"

Yu stared at him, and then squeezed out a smile and said: If you don’t stop now, you will lose even more miserable in the future. Many gamblers are so rewarded that they lost all their money.

Qingxiao was silent, his hand gently slid down along Yu's shoulder, and slowly said: That's because I'm destined to have no fortune, I don't complain.

He exhaled, changed the subject and said: You haven't told me why you think of yourself so lowly? The reactions of your body...

He paused and said: After experiencing so many things, it is natural to see if he can change it after a long time.

He is a medical student, so he naturally knows how unconvincing this statement is. After thinking about it, he said: As long as you can accept it, why bother with the opinions of others? No matter whether the body can be fully recovered, as long as your heart is free, it is nothing

The heart is free... Yu smiled dryly, but didn't say anything

A sense of powerless frustration arose from Qingxiao's heart that he deeply hated his stupid mouth, but he had to continue his empty persuasion. He became more anxious and couldn't help but feel a little resentment: Well, I know that with your experience, it is indeed difficult to face other people's eyes, and it is difficult to accept myself now. But have you ever thought about me? Do you know how important you are to me, and how much I have paid, and you actually committed suicide like this?

A trace of shame flashed in Yu's eyes and said: I know I'm sorry for you, so I want to convince you to let go, so we will all be relieved...

Qingxiao was furious and shouted: Fart! He endured it again and again today, but it was really at its limit. At this time, Han Han was angry. The floor was so shaking that Sanshiyu was stunned and he didn't dare to speak for a long time.

Qingxiao also noticed his incompetence and took several deep breaths, barely suppressing his ups and downs and said: You are not in good spirits now...

After thinking about it, I changed my words: I won't care about you now

He raised his eyebrows and said with a smile: Do you think you are smarter than me and more capable than me?

Yu immediately said: Of course not!

Qing Xiaodao: Then you should listen to me and let me convince you, why do you always think about convincing me? I really can't change it... In short, you listen to me now

Yu really responded obediently, and looked at it with a scrupulous look.

Qingxiao stared at him, suddenly felt a little disappointed and said: Actually, your unreasonable look is also very cute. You always have to listen to you in everything... I am also a person with a strong personality. I have never bowed my head to anyone in my life, including me, but I can't do anything to you. I don't know if it's the only one who I should meet in this way. You... and Simon

Yu raised his head sensitively and said: Simon? Is he?

Qingxiao smiled a little sad and proudly, saying: He was my good friend when he was a child, a very stubborn person you...a bit like him...