Different people will have different understandings about happiness.
Some people value material satisfaction and believe that money is greater than everything; some people value spiritual satisfaction and believe that satisfaction in the spiritual world is supreme.
Everyone has their own happiness.
And for me, being able to spend ordinary time with people close to me and not having any illness or disaster is the greatest happiness.
Yes, I used to think so...until I myself destroyed all this that I cherished.
It was an early morning.
Because it was too early, the waiting room of the high-speed rail station was empty and there was almost no waiting passenger.
For this small, fourth-tier city located in the middle, the high-speed rail is still a new thing. This high-speed rail station has just been built and operated not long ago, and the surrounding area is as empty as the scene inside the station, making it a little deserted.
At that time, I was standing in such a deserted state, holding a simple luggage in my hand and wrinkled a newly printed ticket.
In front of me, there was a person and a woman.
A person I value the most, a person I hurt, a person who repeatedly rejected me, and a person who insisted on letting me leave.
But she still came, only she came, and came to see me go away.
...When you get there, go find you Uncle Chen first. Be more patient and don’t lose your temper any more.After all, there is not the family, and they are not our family after all. Take care of yourself and don’t stay up too late...
The woman standing opposite me kept reminding me that she was much smaller than me and had to raise her head to look at me.
In the past, we were all standing together intimately, but today she deliberately distanced me from her.
...Also, I will call you the money on time, but you should also plan to avoid spending Ah...
What she said was all about my concern, all of which was sincere, but I didn't want to hear this at all.
Sister Juan.
It was just two words, only two words were used, a familiar title, and I interrupted her role as a mother.
She was stunned and her voice stopped, but she did not refute. I remember clearly that she had the helpless and heartbroken expression on her face after hearing my name.
Don't call me that again in the future...
Why?
I resisted, this was my last persistence.
I held her hand with my hand, but she escaped and she avoided it from afar.
Seeing her avoiding me, I finally realized something.
Something broke into pieces in my heart like a falling glass.
We can't continue like this anymore...
I was silent and listened to her whispering as she stood farther away from me.
In fact, what should have been separated long ago and what should have ended long ago.But I was too stupid before, I... was too greedy, so I have made a fuss now and ended up with such a result.
I couldn't bear it anymore, and I couldn't accept that she took all the blame on herself.
Not so!Sister Juan, this is not the case, it’s all me...
Stop talking about it!
Her voice became sharp, even a little broken.
I suppressed my voice, watched her raise her foot and approach me, and immediately took two steps back, further away from me.
We must understand.
She stopped looking at me, turned around and avoided looking at me, and spoke with some difficulty. I had no choice. I didn't even know how to go back to see Yingying. She will definitely be angry, she will definitely make a fuss with me, she will definitely shout to find you... So, so.
So I have to leave, right?
I said that difficult thing to say for her.
She nodded, her movements were very slow, as if she had used all her strength.
This will also be beneficial to you. Haven’t you always wanted to go out and see the world?And... it can also calm down Yingying.Her mind is full of your business now, and this won't work, I have to do that.
I didn't agree, but in fact she didn't curse me in front of me, or even blamed me. This surprised me.
After all, what I hurt is her daughter, her only daughter.
What about you, Sister Juan.
Her body trembled and she said softly: I said, don't call me that...
Then you answer my question Ah!Sister Juan, I'm leaving, what do you want to do?It’s all my fault for Yingying, but I…I don’t want to be separated from you!
I finally shouted out my heart, but she still shook her head and shook her head firmly.
No, it's because of you that I have to do this.
Sister Juan!
Then what do you want?Tell Yingying everything and tell everyone who knows us?
I was stunned. These words hit my heart, leaving me speechless.
I do not have the awareness of giving up everything, but the most important thing is that this will destroy everything that I and she cherish together.
I'm already ruining.
Behind me, there was a vague sound of ticket checking.
The car has arrived at the station, it’s time for you to leave.
Her voice had no intention of urging, but it made me look as if the final judgment had been made.
I pounced on it and finally, at least at the end, let me hold her hand once!She couldn't dodge and was held in my arms, then sighed like she was recognizing her fate.
Xiaoyu, this is the last time...
I didn't say anything, but just hugged her hard.
I don’t know how long it took, and it was not until I heard the radio that the ticket check was about to end again that I was pushed away by her.
It's time to leave, no matter how late you are, you won't be able to catch the train.
I looked at her and I was very close to her at this moment, even as I had never been close before.
Even in the past, even when we were alone, she had never allowed me to have close contact with her for such a long time.
When will I come back?
My voice was a little hoarse because I kept myself from making embarrassing sobs.
She looked at me, not knowing where her thoughts flew.
Then she gently pulled her body out of my arms and said: Wait until you are willing to call me Aunt Chen.By that day...
I know what she is referring to, and that is the thing I least want to think about.
That means that my relationship with her and my feelings for her must come to a complete end.
I feel like falling into the abyss.
********************
Hello, fellow villager, it’s time to wake up, I’m at the station.
The call from my ears woke me up from my shallow dream.
I straightened my waist from the back of the chair and opened my eyes, and there was a daze in front of me.
More and more sounds poured into my mind like water flowing open by the valve, along the gradually recovering hearing.
…Friends and friends, the train has arrived at the West Station of Y City. Please bring your own belongings and get off from the door at the front of the car...
The sound of the broadcast came into my ears, and I finally determined my situation.
And the male voice that woke me up at first also rang again.
Hey, are you still standing there?It seems that you really didn’t have a good rest yesterday, so you stayed up late?
The sound came from a middle-aged man in his forties who was standing in the seat next to me and looking at me.
I finally felt that my consciousness had completely returned to my body. Looking at the sparse abortion in the carriage, I asked: Have you arrived at the station?
For Ah, I arrived at the site.Get off the train quickly and get off with your stuff. The train stops at this stop for 2 minutes. If it slows down, it will not be able to get off.
I realized it and quickly stood up from my seat and started packing my luggage.
Don't worry, you have to get the box, right?Look, I've taken it all for you.
The middle-aged man said, patting one of the two suitcases placed beside him.
Ah, thank you Ah.
It’s nothing, it’s all a fellow villager, why are you still polite?Let's get out quickly.
As he said that, the middle-aged man had already walked ahead.
I followed him with a box. When I passed the rows of empty seats, I heard the middle-aged man say: Actually, getting off the bus this night will also have the benefits of getting off late.When we arrived at the station just now, there were not many people. Now, we are the only two of us. We can go straight and not queue up...
I met this middle-aged man who had been talking to me in his hometown dialect on the train. He got on the bus at the same station as me. We had a very normal greeting when placing the box, but I heard his accent and asked a question, and then I realized that he and I were fellow villagers. We not only got on the bus at the same station, but also got off at the same station.
This middle-aged man is a very talkative person, or a bit too talkative.
Along the way, he was chatting with me, from his work, his family, his children to my work, and my life. He naturally asked me: Why did you run so far to work in City C?
But this is the most avoidable issue.
Well...it's nothing, mainly because I have a familiar elder who starts a company in City C, and I also went to help.
No wonder you have such a good time, so you have worked so hard, and you have been so far.
The middle-aged man didn't ask much, and he didn't doubt what I said at all.
well enough……
It's too far Ah. The tickets are long and expensive on the way home. I can't buy tickets by the end of the year. This year my son still robs me of the tickets at home!
Regarding this topic, I can only avoid talking about it with a smile.
I can't answer: This is my first time since I came out, right?
But this is indeed true. In the past four years, I spent every Spring Festival in City C. It feels really bad to celebrate the New Year alone in a foreign land, but I really never thought of going home. Even during the holidays, I would just spend time alone everywhere.
I can't go back because I have to keep that promise from four years ago.
After that, I forced the topic to end with the excuse of staying up late and having to sleep, but those words still touched me. I dreamed, and I once again entered the dream that I had reappeared countless times.
That is the deepest memory in my mind and the most unforgettable memory.
One morning four years ago, it was also winter, and there were only two of us outside the high-speed rail station.
I still remember the expression on her face when she rejected me.
That was a helpless expression.
It's also a expression of regret.
It was precisely because I saw her showing that I made up my mind to escape from this city that had born and raised me for more than 20 years.
I choose to hurt someone who loves me and protect the person I love.
I know it's mean, but I can't find a better option.
That's why I've been wandering outside for four years.
It’s not that I don’t want to come back, it’s not that I can’t come back, it’s just that I… dare not come back.
I began to fear the word "Go Home".
Wow, it’s so cold, it’s cold at home.
The local accent from beside me brought me back to the real world. After getting off the train, the middle-aged man and I mixed into the crowd leaving the station and unknowingly squeezed together again.
Y City West Station is a small station, and the platform design is also relatively simple and open.
Therefore, the wind and snow outside can be poured directly from all over the world, causing pain to hit people's face.
Before I came, I investigated the weather and knew that there might be rain and snow waiting for me when I arrived, but such heavy wind and snow were still a little beyond my expectations.
I finally squeezed from the platform to the exit. After a long queue, I finally left the station, but there was a more vast scene in front of me.
It was snowing heavily, and the sky was getting dark, and the visibility became very low. Standing at one end of the square, I couldn't even see the situation on the other end, and I could only see the fog lights of vehicles passing by sporadically on the road.
It is worthy of being the Spring Festival travel rush, and it is a bit scary... Looking at the dense heads in front of me, I couldn't help but sigh.
Since I was a child, I have never seen the crowds of people during the Spring Festival travel rush.
I went to a local university, and after graduation, I stayed at work locally according to the arrangements at home. Speaking of which, this is the first time I have traveled by train during the Spring Festival travel rush.
Little fellow villager, why are you still standing here?
The familiar local accent came to my ears again. When I looked back, I found that there were a few more people around the middle-aged man.
Perhaps because I noticed my sight, the middle-aged man began to introduce the people around me: This is my son, this is my wife, and they came to pick me up today.
I nodded to the boy who was really the young version of the middle-aged man and the woman standing behind him.
My fellow villager Ah, I heard that it was snowing too heavily today, and the bus stopped running, and the expressway was already closed.How do you plan to go back to Ah?
The middle-aged man spoke again and suddenly hit the point I was worried about.
As soon as I got off the train, I was worried about traffic when I saw such heavy snow.
The high-speed rail station in City Y is the same as the newly built high-speed rail stations in many central cities. It is far away from the city, about 2 kilometers.
Usually, because of the existence of intercity expressways, the 2-kilometer journey does not seem to be anything, but now due to the visibility problem of heavy snowy days, the highway is closed and buses are also stopped, so these 2 kilometers seem to be very difficult.
To be honest, I had no idea at all, so I asked: Uncle, how are you going to go back to Ah?
The middle-aged man waved his hand and said casually: Us?We are convenient for Ah, my house is nearby, and we will arrive in an hour and a half walk.
Then he turned to me and asked: What about you?Didn't your family pick you up?
Hearing family members
These three words suddenly appeared in my heart.
But I could only shake my head and say: They all... have something else, and it is quite troublesome to let them come over with such heavy snow. I made a temporary decision this time, and I didn't tell them.
Oh, so Ah.
The middle-aged man did not continue to ask questions, but instead changed his eager tone and said: Then do you want to sit in my house?Anyway, it’s okay to sit in my house and wait for the snow to fall a little bit before leaving.
To be honest, for a moment I was really moved.
But I still politely declined. After all, we just happened to be in the same relationship and were not even acquaintances.
And while on the way, I also heard some information about middle-aged men, which was similar to mine. It was the first time he went home in three years, but he did not have the same complicated reason as me. He couldn't go home because he missed the opportunity a few years ago and couldn't buy a train ticket.
Now, he is finally back, and his wife and children are also coming to greet him in person. In comparison, he is looking forward to his return home and reunion.
I can't disturb other people's reunion dinner.
Thinking of this in my heart, I still rejected the kindness of the middle-aged man.
In this way, I stood at the door of the station and witnessed the backs of the three of the family slowly disappearing into the flying university.
Okay, I am the only one left next.
When I turned around, I realized that the crowd at the entrance of the high-speed rail station suddenly became much thinner, and there were not many people who stayed in place with my luggage at first sight.
Only after looking at the surrounding environment did I truly feel the four years
This period of change brought about by not a long but not a short period of time.
When I left four years ago, I also took the high-speed train here.
But that was because the high-speed rail station had just been completed and opened to traffic, and the surrounding area was still empty, and the facilities inside the station also smelled of new things.
Nowadays, the high-speed rail station has changed a lot, and the traces of time have begun to appear, and outside the station has undergone almost earth-shaking changes. The open space and fields in my memory have all become commercial areas of all sizes, and the roads at the entrance have become much spacious.
After all, four years have passed... Although four years are not enough to simplify everything, it is enough to make many of the distinctive details in memory become slim.
Those deep-rooted pictures are still engraved in my mind, but I can't recall some of the details.
This sense of ambiguity between remembering and forgetting makes me feel difficult to adapt.
Speaking of which, almost no one knows about me going home.
I have never been a person with a wide range of friends. My usual social circles are basically within the two categories of classmates and colleagues. Four years ago, I left without saying goodbye and never thought of greeting my friends in my hometown. The four years I spent outside also established a new social circle. As a result, no one knew that I was back and no one would come to welcome my return.
I took out my cell phone and fiddled with it for a few times.
Ah…is in trouble.
My original plan was to take a taxi or ride-hailing home online, but the impact of the weather was a little beyond my expectations.
When you open the online car-hailing software on your mobile phone, you can only see that there are no available vehicles around you, and it is getting late and it will only make the situation worse if you continue to wait.
Do you want to live nearby first?After picking up my luggage, I began to formally consider the option of spending the night.
Even at a remote train station, there will be no missing places like hotels nearby. However, in this weather, what I am more worried about is not the conditions or prices, but whether there are still empty rooms after I find the place.
Just as I was about to leave before the exit, my phone suddenly vibrated.
New news came, and it was from someone I didn't expect.
That was a name Yingying that I hadn't seen in a long time.
How could she send me a message at this time?Sister Juan and I should only know about my return home, and Yingying and I have not been in touch for a long time.
Clicking on the message, my heart couldn't help but tremble.
Brother, where have you been?
This is not a message, but a lot of messages.
Yingying seemed to have sent me a message at a frequency of several minutes since half an hour ago, but I never noticed it.
Remember to keep warm when you go out. The house is very cold today, so be careful.
Where are you now?
It’s snowing, it’s very heavy, I’m careful when I come back.
Haven't arrived yet?
I looked through the message from Yingying, and a warm feeling gradually emerged in my heart.
How Yingying knew that I was going home was no longer important. She had to know anyway, so I couldn't continue to hide from her.
But the unchanging concern that Yingying revealed in the news really touched me a little.
During the four years I left home, I have been alienating her for various reasons.
Although I didn't completely disconnect, every time Yingying took the initiative to talk to me, I would use work and other reasons to pass by.
My coldness towards Yingying even made me feel uncomfortable.
But she still hasn't changed and will still care about me as soon as I've never left.
I sighed, moved my fingers that were already stiff, and replied with a short sentence.
I'm here and now at the high-speed rail station.
I originally wanted to reply to the past when I was preparing to spend the night near the train station, but the cold weather obviously affected my finger movements. After I typed this paragraph, I felt my fingertips numb and I was almost unconscious.
My phone also began to show signs of insufficient battery.
No, I want to find a warmer place first.
I looked around, wanting to find a fast food restaurant or something to hide first, but just before I found my target, my phone vibrated again.
This time, the ringtone was accompanied by.
It was the phone number, and I could already think of who called it.
I took out my phone again, and the screen was indeed showing Yingying's name.
When I think of hearing the voice I have been away from for a long time, I can't help but feel a little nervous.
The phone is still ringing, it has been ringing for a long time.
My fingers stopped on the red hanging icon, and at this moment, I couldn't hide my shake.
But in the end, I gritted my teeth and made a choice.
Hello……
elder brother.
It’s Yingying’s voice!
It was clearly a conversation that I had been away from for a long time, but I had no idea what to say. The same was true for Yingying on the other end of the phone. Her voice was even calmer than me. She just called me and fell into silence after saying that word.
Sakura?You... can hear me talking.
Being forced, I had to speak out again.
Well, I'm listening.
My sister's crisp voice came again, still with a hint of coldness.
Me, I...
I swallowed, and suddenly my speech was in a hurry.
What should I say, what should I say to her?
Fortunately, my reason suppressed my inner fear in time. After less than two seconds, I spoke again: That, I am at the station. It was snowing too heavily today. I probably couldn’t find the car to go back. I plan to find a hotel nearby for one night and wait for tomorrow morning.
After I finished speaking, there was no echo from the other end of the phone, and it was still silent.
Hello, hey?Yingying, can you hear it?
Can hear it.
My nervous mood relaxed, but immediately, I noticed something strange again.
I can hear the sentence just now
It seems that it is not just coming from the receiver of my phone, but it seems that I have caught another sound in my ears.
Then, then that's it, I'm dead...
elder brother.
Yingying's voice interrupted me.
My whole body was stiff, waiting for her subsequent voice.
You, look back.
Actually, I already knew the answer, because before Yingying on the phone said this, I had heard a sound from behind me and from the phone receiver.
I took a deep breath of air, and the cold feeling penetrated my throat and spread throughout my body in an instant.
Then, I turned behind me.
Just a few steps behind me, a figure that still looked slender even in winter slowly lowered the phone that was holding in my ear.
Those eyes looked at me, and there seemed to be no impurities in my eyes, and there seemed to be no emotion.
elder brother.
The familiar call came to my ears for the second time after four years.
I looked at the sister in front of me and barely made myself smile.
Some people value material satisfaction and believe that money is greater than everything; some people value spiritual satisfaction and believe that satisfaction in the spiritual world is supreme.
Everyone has their own happiness.
And for me, being able to spend ordinary time with people close to me and not having any illness or disaster is the greatest happiness.
Yes, I used to think so...until I myself destroyed all this that I cherished.
It was an early morning.
Because it was too early, the waiting room of the high-speed rail station was empty and there was almost no waiting passenger.
For this small, fourth-tier city located in the middle, the high-speed rail is still a new thing. This high-speed rail station has just been built and operated not long ago, and the surrounding area is as empty as the scene inside the station, making it a little deserted.
At that time, I was standing in such a deserted state, holding a simple luggage in my hand and wrinkled a newly printed ticket.
In front of me, there was a person and a woman.
A person I value the most, a person I hurt, a person who repeatedly rejected me, and a person who insisted on letting me leave.
But she still came, only she came, and came to see me go away.
...When you get there, go find you Uncle Chen first. Be more patient and don’t lose your temper any more.After all, there is not the family, and they are not our family after all. Take care of yourself and don’t stay up too late...
The woman standing opposite me kept reminding me that she was much smaller than me and had to raise her head to look at me.
In the past, we were all standing together intimately, but today she deliberately distanced me from her.
...Also, I will call you the money on time, but you should also plan to avoid spending Ah...
What she said was all about my concern, all of which was sincere, but I didn't want to hear this at all.
Sister Juan.
It was just two words, only two words were used, a familiar title, and I interrupted her role as a mother.
She was stunned and her voice stopped, but she did not refute. I remember clearly that she had the helpless and heartbroken expression on her face after hearing my name.
Don't call me that again in the future...
Why?
I resisted, this was my last persistence.
I held her hand with my hand, but she escaped and she avoided it from afar.
Seeing her avoiding me, I finally realized something.
Something broke into pieces in my heart like a falling glass.
We can't continue like this anymore...
I was silent and listened to her whispering as she stood farther away from me.
In fact, what should have been separated long ago and what should have ended long ago.But I was too stupid before, I... was too greedy, so I have made a fuss now and ended up with such a result.
I couldn't bear it anymore, and I couldn't accept that she took all the blame on herself.
Not so!Sister Juan, this is not the case, it’s all me...
Stop talking about it!
Her voice became sharp, even a little broken.
I suppressed my voice, watched her raise her foot and approach me, and immediately took two steps back, further away from me.
We must understand.
She stopped looking at me, turned around and avoided looking at me, and spoke with some difficulty. I had no choice. I didn't even know how to go back to see Yingying. She will definitely be angry, she will definitely make a fuss with me, she will definitely shout to find you... So, so.
So I have to leave, right?
I said that difficult thing to say for her.
She nodded, her movements were very slow, as if she had used all her strength.
This will also be beneficial to you. Haven’t you always wanted to go out and see the world?And... it can also calm down Yingying.Her mind is full of your business now, and this won't work, I have to do that.
I didn't agree, but in fact she didn't curse me in front of me, or even blamed me. This surprised me.
After all, what I hurt is her daughter, her only daughter.
What about you, Sister Juan.
Her body trembled and she said softly: I said, don't call me that...
Then you answer my question Ah!Sister Juan, I'm leaving, what do you want to do?It’s all my fault for Yingying, but I…I don’t want to be separated from you!
I finally shouted out my heart, but she still shook her head and shook her head firmly.
No, it's because of you that I have to do this.
Sister Juan!
Then what do you want?Tell Yingying everything and tell everyone who knows us?
I was stunned. These words hit my heart, leaving me speechless.
I do not have the awareness of giving up everything, but the most important thing is that this will destroy everything that I and she cherish together.
I'm already ruining.
Behind me, there was a vague sound of ticket checking.
The car has arrived at the station, it’s time for you to leave.
Her voice had no intention of urging, but it made me look as if the final judgment had been made.
I pounced on it and finally, at least at the end, let me hold her hand once!She couldn't dodge and was held in my arms, then sighed like she was recognizing her fate.
Xiaoyu, this is the last time...
I didn't say anything, but just hugged her hard.
I don’t know how long it took, and it was not until I heard the radio that the ticket check was about to end again that I was pushed away by her.
It's time to leave, no matter how late you are, you won't be able to catch the train.
I looked at her and I was very close to her at this moment, even as I had never been close before.
Even in the past, even when we were alone, she had never allowed me to have close contact with her for such a long time.
When will I come back?
My voice was a little hoarse because I kept myself from making embarrassing sobs.
She looked at me, not knowing where her thoughts flew.
Then she gently pulled her body out of my arms and said: Wait until you are willing to call me Aunt Chen.By that day...
I know what she is referring to, and that is the thing I least want to think about.
That means that my relationship with her and my feelings for her must come to a complete end.
I feel like falling into the abyss.
********************
Hello, fellow villager, it’s time to wake up, I’m at the station.
The call from my ears woke me up from my shallow dream.
I straightened my waist from the back of the chair and opened my eyes, and there was a daze in front of me.
More and more sounds poured into my mind like water flowing open by the valve, along the gradually recovering hearing.
…Friends and friends, the train has arrived at the West Station of Y City. Please bring your own belongings and get off from the door at the front of the car...
The sound of the broadcast came into my ears, and I finally determined my situation.
And the male voice that woke me up at first also rang again.
Hey, are you still standing there?It seems that you really didn’t have a good rest yesterday, so you stayed up late?
The sound came from a middle-aged man in his forties who was standing in the seat next to me and looking at me.
I finally felt that my consciousness had completely returned to my body. Looking at the sparse abortion in the carriage, I asked: Have you arrived at the station?
For Ah, I arrived at the site.Get off the train quickly and get off with your stuff. The train stops at this stop for 2 minutes. If it slows down, it will not be able to get off.
I realized it and quickly stood up from my seat and started packing my luggage.
Don't worry, you have to get the box, right?Look, I've taken it all for you.
The middle-aged man said, patting one of the two suitcases placed beside him.
Ah, thank you Ah.
It’s nothing, it’s all a fellow villager, why are you still polite?Let's get out quickly.
As he said that, the middle-aged man had already walked ahead.
I followed him with a box. When I passed the rows of empty seats, I heard the middle-aged man say: Actually, getting off the bus this night will also have the benefits of getting off late.When we arrived at the station just now, there were not many people. Now, we are the only two of us. We can go straight and not queue up...
I met this middle-aged man who had been talking to me in his hometown dialect on the train. He got on the bus at the same station as me. We had a very normal greeting when placing the box, but I heard his accent and asked a question, and then I realized that he and I were fellow villagers. We not only got on the bus at the same station, but also got off at the same station.
This middle-aged man is a very talkative person, or a bit too talkative.
Along the way, he was chatting with me, from his work, his family, his children to my work, and my life. He naturally asked me: Why did you run so far to work in City C?
But this is the most avoidable issue.
Well...it's nothing, mainly because I have a familiar elder who starts a company in City C, and I also went to help.
No wonder you have such a good time, so you have worked so hard, and you have been so far.
The middle-aged man didn't ask much, and he didn't doubt what I said at all.
well enough……
It's too far Ah. The tickets are long and expensive on the way home. I can't buy tickets by the end of the year. This year my son still robs me of the tickets at home!
Regarding this topic, I can only avoid talking about it with a smile.
I can't answer: This is my first time since I came out, right?
But this is indeed true. In the past four years, I spent every Spring Festival in City C. It feels really bad to celebrate the New Year alone in a foreign land, but I really never thought of going home. Even during the holidays, I would just spend time alone everywhere.
I can't go back because I have to keep that promise from four years ago.
After that, I forced the topic to end with the excuse of staying up late and having to sleep, but those words still touched me. I dreamed, and I once again entered the dream that I had reappeared countless times.
That is the deepest memory in my mind and the most unforgettable memory.
One morning four years ago, it was also winter, and there were only two of us outside the high-speed rail station.
I still remember the expression on her face when she rejected me.
That was a helpless expression.
It's also a expression of regret.
It was precisely because I saw her showing that I made up my mind to escape from this city that had born and raised me for more than 20 years.
I choose to hurt someone who loves me and protect the person I love.
I know it's mean, but I can't find a better option.
That's why I've been wandering outside for four years.
It’s not that I don’t want to come back, it’s not that I can’t come back, it’s just that I… dare not come back.
I began to fear the word "Go Home".
Wow, it’s so cold, it’s cold at home.
The local accent from beside me brought me back to the real world. After getting off the train, the middle-aged man and I mixed into the crowd leaving the station and unknowingly squeezed together again.
Y City West Station is a small station, and the platform design is also relatively simple and open.
Therefore, the wind and snow outside can be poured directly from all over the world, causing pain to hit people's face.
Before I came, I investigated the weather and knew that there might be rain and snow waiting for me when I arrived, but such heavy wind and snow were still a little beyond my expectations.
I finally squeezed from the platform to the exit. After a long queue, I finally left the station, but there was a more vast scene in front of me.
It was snowing heavily, and the sky was getting dark, and the visibility became very low. Standing at one end of the square, I couldn't even see the situation on the other end, and I could only see the fog lights of vehicles passing by sporadically on the road.
It is worthy of being the Spring Festival travel rush, and it is a bit scary... Looking at the dense heads in front of me, I couldn't help but sigh.
Since I was a child, I have never seen the crowds of people during the Spring Festival travel rush.
I went to a local university, and after graduation, I stayed at work locally according to the arrangements at home. Speaking of which, this is the first time I have traveled by train during the Spring Festival travel rush.
Little fellow villager, why are you still standing here?
The familiar local accent came to my ears again. When I looked back, I found that there were a few more people around the middle-aged man.
Perhaps because I noticed my sight, the middle-aged man began to introduce the people around me: This is my son, this is my wife, and they came to pick me up today.
I nodded to the boy who was really the young version of the middle-aged man and the woman standing behind him.
My fellow villager Ah, I heard that it was snowing too heavily today, and the bus stopped running, and the expressway was already closed.How do you plan to go back to Ah?
The middle-aged man spoke again and suddenly hit the point I was worried about.
As soon as I got off the train, I was worried about traffic when I saw such heavy snow.
The high-speed rail station in City Y is the same as the newly built high-speed rail stations in many central cities. It is far away from the city, about 2 kilometers.
Usually, because of the existence of intercity expressways, the 2-kilometer journey does not seem to be anything, but now due to the visibility problem of heavy snowy days, the highway is closed and buses are also stopped, so these 2 kilometers seem to be very difficult.
To be honest, I had no idea at all, so I asked: Uncle, how are you going to go back to Ah?
The middle-aged man waved his hand and said casually: Us?We are convenient for Ah, my house is nearby, and we will arrive in an hour and a half walk.
Then he turned to me and asked: What about you?Didn't your family pick you up?
Hearing family members
These three words suddenly appeared in my heart.
But I could only shake my head and say: They all... have something else, and it is quite troublesome to let them come over with such heavy snow. I made a temporary decision this time, and I didn't tell them.
Oh, so Ah.
The middle-aged man did not continue to ask questions, but instead changed his eager tone and said: Then do you want to sit in my house?Anyway, it’s okay to sit in my house and wait for the snow to fall a little bit before leaving.
To be honest, for a moment I was really moved.
But I still politely declined. After all, we just happened to be in the same relationship and were not even acquaintances.
And while on the way, I also heard some information about middle-aged men, which was similar to mine. It was the first time he went home in three years, but he did not have the same complicated reason as me. He couldn't go home because he missed the opportunity a few years ago and couldn't buy a train ticket.
Now, he is finally back, and his wife and children are also coming to greet him in person. In comparison, he is looking forward to his return home and reunion.
I can't disturb other people's reunion dinner.
Thinking of this in my heart, I still rejected the kindness of the middle-aged man.
In this way, I stood at the door of the station and witnessed the backs of the three of the family slowly disappearing into the flying university.
Okay, I am the only one left next.
When I turned around, I realized that the crowd at the entrance of the high-speed rail station suddenly became much thinner, and there were not many people who stayed in place with my luggage at first sight.
Only after looking at the surrounding environment did I truly feel the four years
This period of change brought about by not a long but not a short period of time.
When I left four years ago, I also took the high-speed train here.
But that was because the high-speed rail station had just been completed and opened to traffic, and the surrounding area was still empty, and the facilities inside the station also smelled of new things.
Nowadays, the high-speed rail station has changed a lot, and the traces of time have begun to appear, and outside the station has undergone almost earth-shaking changes. The open space and fields in my memory have all become commercial areas of all sizes, and the roads at the entrance have become much spacious.
After all, four years have passed... Although four years are not enough to simplify everything, it is enough to make many of the distinctive details in memory become slim.
Those deep-rooted pictures are still engraved in my mind, but I can't recall some of the details.
This sense of ambiguity between remembering and forgetting makes me feel difficult to adapt.
Speaking of which, almost no one knows about me going home.
I have never been a person with a wide range of friends. My usual social circles are basically within the two categories of classmates and colleagues. Four years ago, I left without saying goodbye and never thought of greeting my friends in my hometown. The four years I spent outside also established a new social circle. As a result, no one knew that I was back and no one would come to welcome my return.
I took out my cell phone and fiddled with it for a few times.
Ah…is in trouble.
My original plan was to take a taxi or ride-hailing home online, but the impact of the weather was a little beyond my expectations.
When you open the online car-hailing software on your mobile phone, you can only see that there are no available vehicles around you, and it is getting late and it will only make the situation worse if you continue to wait.
Do you want to live nearby first?After picking up my luggage, I began to formally consider the option of spending the night.
Even at a remote train station, there will be no missing places like hotels nearby. However, in this weather, what I am more worried about is not the conditions or prices, but whether there are still empty rooms after I find the place.
Just as I was about to leave before the exit, my phone suddenly vibrated.
New news came, and it was from someone I didn't expect.
That was a name Yingying that I hadn't seen in a long time.
How could she send me a message at this time?Sister Juan and I should only know about my return home, and Yingying and I have not been in touch for a long time.
Clicking on the message, my heart couldn't help but tremble.
Brother, where have you been?
This is not a message, but a lot of messages.
Yingying seemed to have sent me a message at a frequency of several minutes since half an hour ago, but I never noticed it.
Remember to keep warm when you go out. The house is very cold today, so be careful.
Where are you now?
It’s snowing, it’s very heavy, I’m careful when I come back.
Haven't arrived yet?
I looked through the message from Yingying, and a warm feeling gradually emerged in my heart.
How Yingying knew that I was going home was no longer important. She had to know anyway, so I couldn't continue to hide from her.
But the unchanging concern that Yingying revealed in the news really touched me a little.
During the four years I left home, I have been alienating her for various reasons.
Although I didn't completely disconnect, every time Yingying took the initiative to talk to me, I would use work and other reasons to pass by.
My coldness towards Yingying even made me feel uncomfortable.
But she still hasn't changed and will still care about me as soon as I've never left.
I sighed, moved my fingers that were already stiff, and replied with a short sentence.
I'm here and now at the high-speed rail station.
I originally wanted to reply to the past when I was preparing to spend the night near the train station, but the cold weather obviously affected my finger movements. After I typed this paragraph, I felt my fingertips numb and I was almost unconscious.
My phone also began to show signs of insufficient battery.
No, I want to find a warmer place first.
I looked around, wanting to find a fast food restaurant or something to hide first, but just before I found my target, my phone vibrated again.
This time, the ringtone was accompanied by.
It was the phone number, and I could already think of who called it.
I took out my phone again, and the screen was indeed showing Yingying's name.
When I think of hearing the voice I have been away from for a long time, I can't help but feel a little nervous.
The phone is still ringing, it has been ringing for a long time.
My fingers stopped on the red hanging icon, and at this moment, I couldn't hide my shake.
But in the end, I gritted my teeth and made a choice.
Hello……
elder brother.
It’s Yingying’s voice!
It was clearly a conversation that I had been away from for a long time, but I had no idea what to say. The same was true for Yingying on the other end of the phone. Her voice was even calmer than me. She just called me and fell into silence after saying that word.
Sakura?You... can hear me talking.
Being forced, I had to speak out again.
Well, I'm listening.
My sister's crisp voice came again, still with a hint of coldness.
Me, I...
I swallowed, and suddenly my speech was in a hurry.
What should I say, what should I say to her?
Fortunately, my reason suppressed my inner fear in time. After less than two seconds, I spoke again: That, I am at the station. It was snowing too heavily today. I probably couldn’t find the car to go back. I plan to find a hotel nearby for one night and wait for tomorrow morning.
After I finished speaking, there was no echo from the other end of the phone, and it was still silent.
Hello, hey?Yingying, can you hear it?
Can hear it.
My nervous mood relaxed, but immediately, I noticed something strange again.
I can hear the sentence just now
It seems that it is not just coming from the receiver of my phone, but it seems that I have caught another sound in my ears.
Then, then that's it, I'm dead...
elder brother.
Yingying's voice interrupted me.
My whole body was stiff, waiting for her subsequent voice.
You, look back.
Actually, I already knew the answer, because before Yingying on the phone said this, I had heard a sound from behind me and from the phone receiver.
I took a deep breath of air, and the cold feeling penetrated my throat and spread throughout my body in an instant.
Then, I turned behind me.
Just a few steps behind me, a figure that still looked slender even in winter slowly lowered the phone that was holding in my ear.
Those eyes looked at me, and there seemed to be no impurities in my eyes, and there seemed to be no emotion.
elder brother.
The familiar call came to my ears for the second time after four years.
I looked at the sister in front of me and barely made myself smile.
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