Chapter 4

After my father came out, I told him that I was going to play basketball with friends

He didn't say anything and agreed to let me take a taxi back by myself. He should be in a hurry to see his client.

Maybe, maybe not, but I don't seem to have the patience to pay attention

Although I can't tell the reason, there is something that has always existed. Every time I feel very depressed and unhappy, after talking to my father, I always feel relieved, and the depression in my heart can always disappear one by one.

And this time, maybe my father still thinks so. Just talk to me carefully and say everything I care about and curious about can alleviate my psychological burden

I can continue to work lightly again. In his opinion, I should be stress-free and I don’t need to do any psychological counseling.

Actually, it is a fake for me to receive psychological counseling. I just hope someone will help my mother.

Although my father didn't go into the deepest way, why didn't I continue to counsel my psychology, but was preparing to play basketball

So, I watched him drive away at the door, and took a taxi to meet my mother and my psychologist.

The information I just received kept churning in my mind, and strange emotions kept attacking me

Before I knew it, it was almost time to get off the bus. The driver asked me, little brother, what's wrong with you?

I'm a little puzzled

After paying the money, after getting off the car, when I closed the door, I saw the window glass, and my face was covered with tears.

I want to say something, I want to say nothing, but I find it heavy and I can't say a word

Wipe the tears with the cuffs and sorted them out briefly. After seeing that there was nothing abnormal, I continued to work hard to manage my expressions and go to my mother.

After finding her and the psychologist Hong Yueting in that room, I felt that I could not hold on any longer

Before seeing my mother, I felt like I had been walking in the cold tunnel. When I saw her, I finally felt like I had entered the warm place.

I didn't say anything, just rushed over and hugged her when I saw her

She naturally put my head on her shoulder, then patted me gently, whispering, "It's okay, Xixi behaves."

It took me a long time to calm down my emotions

Sorry, he looked at the psychologist next to him, and sat next to him and listened to them chatting

Hong Yueting just looked at me quietly and smiled slightly as I looked at her.

After chatting for a while, Hong Yueting stood up and said she was going back. I looked at the time. It was still too late. What I knew today would take a lot of time to digest.

After my mother and I arrived home, I saw the message Hong Yueting sent me

Did the things you encountered when you were a child come again?

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In the first moment, I didn't react, but immediately, I understood, she was asking me what

When I was a kid, yes, when I was nine years old,

The short-term experience seemed a bit fantastic. Those experiences made me no longer want to experience them, but this thought came to my mind. Did I really encounter what happened at that time again?

When I was over four years old, I returned to my home. No one called me Ye Yifan, but they all called me Chen Junxi. Although I think the two names didn't mean anything to me at that time, I made a young child go from one familiar place to another strange place, and kept being told that you came to your own real home.

Real home, where did I use it? Or, is anyone lying to me now? Or is it that my parents sold me

At that time, I was in this kind of question and confusion every day, but I didn’t ask it once, and I knew that it was not good to ask this question (at that time, there was no evaluation in my mind that was not suitable for this).

A four-year-old ignorant child suddenly entered a new environment. I am not a precocious child or a stupid child. But I am really scared and difficult to adapt.

Every day, I bought new toys, and every day I have something I want to eat

Snacks, spicy strips piled in my room

That beautiful aunt, at first, she accompanied me every evening and kissed me in the morning.

After eating many snacks, the beautiful aunt didn't go out every day, so she kept guarding me, eating with me, playing with building blocks with me, playing with police car toys with me, and playing with pistols with me. I vaguely remember that I felt like I wanted to stay at that moment.

Later I found out that after my mother picked me up, she worked normally at the beginning, but later she had quit her job and stayed at home to guard me every day.

After I stayed at home for a long time, I decided to send me to kindergarten

I still remember that when I got on the bus with my mother, there were a lot of people and there were no seats. My mother used her own right hand to hang the ring above her head.

And I'm too short to touch anything

Hold me, hold my hand, Xixi Her gentle and concerned voice came from my ears

In my memory, I hugged my mother's legs at a loss, just like we were holding them tightly when we were playing with an eagle catching a chick, as if we were afraid that the eagle would be taken away by an eagle inadvertently.

Because I was nervous, I could remember the situation at that time

The fragrance of my mother, the fragrance of laundry detergent and the warm body fragrance, has been in my memory, hiding in my nose deep in my memory

Now I still feel at sniffing that smell

But my arms were wrapped tighter, and the anxiety I was as if I could have emerged from the past period at any time, and suddenly scared me

At that time, I almost every day I was eating with my mother, shopping together, choosing toys together, watching cartoons together, playing games together, sleeping together, and taking a bath together.

I just vaguely remember that when I saw my mother, I always saw her body full of foam and her naked body. It was strange when I was a child.

After I started studying, my mother slowly resumed work.

By the age of five, six, seven, and eight, I did not get out of touch with my mother at all, but became more and more intimate. I don’t like to play with my classmates, I just want to wait for my mother to get off work to play games with me.

I don't like my grandma very much. I think she is too serious and has a bad voice. Sometimes I like to speak loudly. I just want my mother to talk around me or sing a lullaby to me in bed.

There were several times when my mother was playing games together, I saw my father also playing, but he was always stupid and couldn't play games well, so I didn't like to play with him very much.

Until I was almost nine years old, my father always quarreled with my mother. At first, I didn't understand what was going on, but later I occasionally heard them say that Xixi was fine, Xixi had problems, etc.

I haven't figured it out yet

Soon, I figured it out

It turns out that it is wrong for a person to always want to get close to his mother.

At that time, I didn't understand, it was all told by the psychologist I met.

At first I didn't agree with these views. I once thought I was going to be sold or maybe I had to change my life. Fear and anxiety filled me again.

After my father and mother had a long quarrel, they decided to send me to see a psychologist, Yes, this is my mental illness.

I have always had no idea about mental illness. I have been instilled with over-reliance on my mother during the treatment period. It is an abnormal and unhealthy mentality, so I need to receive treatment.

Gradually, I also know what kind of mental illness I have

Love mother

At the age of nine, I had no idea about these things

I can't even accept being unable to stay with my mom every day, so I resist all the arrangements imposed on me

Because I didn't cooperate, I was sent to a psychological hospital for observation for a while

And that hospital's psychological treatment for me was not a treatment for me, but just torture me to not think about my mother

Later I went to check the hospital. It is said that due to the large market demand, it has changed from a psychological hospital to a center for quitting Internet addiction. I remember that at that time, the person in charge of the hospital called Yang what letter was called by Yang.

Nine years old

I don't know that I am away from my classmates and my family. The most important thing is not to be by my mother's side

Then a group of people threatened me with clicks, asking me to repeat myself, I don’t want to be with my mother, and asking me to repeat myself, I want to study hard

But I was born a hard bone, but I didn't eat hard. When I shocked me, I didn't let me say those words, but instead made me miss my mother even more.

Sometimes, I complain about her and can't figure out why my mother abandoned me

So, I secretly cried

When my father went to the hospital to see me, I couldn't say a word, so I told myself that I was a strong adult

When my mother went to see me, I told her while crying that I missed her very much. But what can a nine-year-old child do? I can't do anything except not talking or becoming thinner without eating.

Later, when my mother saw that my situation was wrong, she took me away from the so-called hospital, but she did not give up on her psychological correction.

Then, I went to several psychological clinics and contacted several psychologists. I met Hong Yueting

To be precise, Hong Yueting is not treating me, she is teaching me how to disguise herself and how to gain the trust of adults

Although I am young, I am not stupid

So, under Hong Yueting's treatment, I recovered, or my performance made my father and mother feel abnormal.

And those corporal punishments and those electric shocks have made me understand that I should be a strong person, and if I am weak, it will not help my situation at all.

When I was almost ten years old, I returned to school, continued to attend classes, and continued to study

Sometimes, I miss my mother very much, want to talk to my mother very much, want to share it with my mother, but I don't, I don't

I've become mature, I've become well-behaved, or rather, I've become different from each other.

My behavior is completely inconsistent with my psychology. I have always longed to get close to my mother, but the more I am estranged from her myself

During that time, I tried to turn my attention to something else

Basketball, guitar

After my father saw it, he was very happy that I signed up for a guitar class, so he hired a basketball coach for me to train.

This may be the root of my liking basketball, maybe this is the reason why I feel that I can survive even if I feel that I have encountered setbacks.

When practicing guitar, I practiced until my left hand pointed out the blood. At that time, the flesh on my fingers was very tender, and I almost self-harm to practice the piano to finally calm myself down a little.

In the third year of junior high school, I occasionally went to guitar classes to attend classes. At that time, I met Duan Meilin.

Because I am really skilled in playing guitar, it is easy to attract girls to like

So, after a while, I started dating her

When I was in love with her, I was in pain

But after a long time, I finally came out of the pain that seemed to be guilty.

Then, my father and mother also knew that I was in love. Not only did they not blame me for my early love, but they felt a little relieved.

I didn't pay attention at that time, and then I thought about it myself. Maybe they were glad that I didn't have an Oedipus complex.

I never told anyone that when I was dating Duan Meilin, my original intention was not to like it at all

I just want to find a substitute, I just want to find a substitute for my mother.

I haven't told my mom, because I dare not

I haven't told Duan Meilin, because this is too bad

So, when I broke up with Duan Meilin this year, I felt a little relieved.

I don't deny that when I broke up with her, I really felt very painful

But part of the pain was because she immediately got along with Chen Yuanding not long after she broke up with her.

People like me who have been cheating on others and have been hiding their true thoughts are indeed not suitable for dating

So I feel relieved

Because there is no need to deceive others, because there is no need to deceive others, I feel better.

Now, I understand what I should do. I just need to protect my mother, and accompany my mother well.

As for the message sent by Hong Yueting, I naturally responded in the way I was good at.

How is that possible?

Hong Yueting didn't ask later, she shouldn't be curious about these things.

So I cooked with my mother, stir-fried, stewed soup, and then had a meal together

After dinner, I washed the dishes first

Mom is sitting on the sofa watching short videos. Many short video software are very popular now, such as Douyin, Kuaishou, etc.

Sitting next to her, looking at the content she was brushing, it turned out to be a video of cooking

I sorted out my thoughts and tried to tell my mother in a calm voice that I knew what happened to her and her father.

She turned her head and looked at me, and replied to me in a gentle voice.

Junxi, you promised me, you said you would study hard, you said you would definitely get into the school you want to go to

Staring at my eyes, I surrendered. I didn't say I would give up on studying

Oh Wave She breathed a sigh of relief

Mom, I want to spend more time with you in the future, can I?

Xixi, mom is fine. She corrected the hair floating on her face and moved them behind her ears.

Then I said that you don’t have to accompany me more in the future. I just hope you study hard and hope you get into the school you want to go to. Now my mother no longer has any lofty ideals and no good hopes. I just hope that my Xixi can live a good life and a happy life.

After saying that, she stroked my hair affectionately

The two dark eyes were lit with diamond-like lights, as if asking me why I didn't agree to her request quickly

I also looked at her and said to her solemnly, Mom, don't worry, I can do it, I will spend more time with you in the future, and I will ensure that there is no conflict with my studies. You can even supervise me all the time

I smiled

Of course, if you think I have performed well, you can also reward me.

Haha When I heard her giggle, I felt that my mother was a little less addicted to that sadness

We both seemed to have left the night when she was alone by the window and lit the smoke.

She said a lot to me again, and when she came back, she hugged me and sobbed and complained to her father in a low voice.

I understand, we seem to be still in that terrible vortex

However, I have the confidence to escape from here with my mother

Suddenly, I was very worried about my mother because she was on the verge of depression.

Now I am full of confidence in helping my mother. I have full confidence to let my mother return to her normal life

Because, her center has always been me. As long as I guide her attention properly and the appropriate guidance from the psychologist, my mother will definitely be able to return to normal mental state quickly.

Later, she said almost everything, so she asked me to tell her about my own study plan and let me report my own review plan to her.

Of course I am very happy to talk about these things. Although I usually feel boring, I feel very interesting when I talk about it slowly now. For the first time, I think it is so meaningful to study. Studying can allow me to get into college and to go where I want to go. But for me, these are not the meaning of learning. For me, it is meaningful to make my mother happy.

So, I'll introduce it

My most time is spent in English. In fact, other subjects are reviewed for me, so it won't take up too much time, and it may not make much sense to repeat them again.

Or, for me, English is also repetitive. When my English teacher communicated with me, he also told me that my English actually has a certain foundation, but it is still quite far from being high scores.

The English teacher told me in a metaphysical way that I should take time to understand and sort out well. What she concluded was that I had no problem learning English, and there might be obstacles in taking English exams.

Whether the teacher is comforting me or not, I still agree with it

After introducing my situation to my mother, my mother suddenly joked that she would give me a reward as long as I got the English exam.

I don't actually need any reward, but if this makes my mother happy, I'm naturally happy and it's too late to be happy

So we agreed to the test type and the standards for good tests one by one. She was so serious that I was curious about what reward she would give me.

It was getting late, so I listened to music with her and went to rest.

I know that from tomorrow onwards, she and I have reasons and directions to work hard. Maybe we have always had it before, but we just ignore it occasionally.

Before going to bed, I browsed B station and followed a UP host who talked about poetry and posted a poem.

Tao is pear blossom, not Tao is apricot blossom, not white or red, not white or red, not the east style, once remembered, I once remembered that I was slightly drunk in Wuling

Smile, I lay down and fell asleep