Chapter 303 Yingying’s Log (III)

Seeing that, the sudden congestion in the nasal cavity was so great that I raised my face and tried to open my nostrils, intending to make my breathing smoother, but I failed. I read the simple words of Yingying as long as water. I could remember every sentence of her. Those days and nights, those smiles and tears. I couldn't imagine Yingying alone in a daze late at night. But I didn't expect that Yingying was also an ordinary woman, a girl who was easily sentimental and full of emotions, an alternative who liked to hide her thoughts in her heart.

After smoking a few cigarettes in a row, my mood gradually stabilized. I continued to read the account of Yingying's writing level in elementary school

No one talks, it's so sad. There are a few good sisters, but I'm a person who doesn't like to talk to me. I don't want others to hear my unhappiness, so I have to vent here. Anyway, I see it, I can say whatever I want, hehe

Although I don’t want to admit it, I still like Zhang Qing. Maybe it’s been since high school. I only recently discovered what he is doing? Are you talking to Qin Chu? Or are you talking to the perverts in their dormitory? Or is he sleeping? I really want to call him, but I feel so conflicted. As long as I think of Zhang Qing, I will always think of Qin Chu, and I feel a strong sense of guilt in my heart. What should I do!! Who can answer me!!

Zhang Qing, don't do this, I'm very sad. I know you have feelings for me, but you can't have two girlfriends at the same time. Actually, I feel that you don't understand your feelings. What do you think about me? You may have that idea just because you have been with me for a long time, but I can feel that you like Qin Chu. Can a heart accommodate two people at the same time? I don't believe it, so, what you like most is Qin Chu, not me anymore. You have to be with Qin Chu, I won't make you embarrassed, I won't break up your mind because of my selfishness. It's enough that you can remember me. Really, as long as you don't forget me, it doesn't matter who you are with, just give me some thoughts.

Haha, the things in the movie are around me. I took the opportunity to eat and let Liu Yandong tell everyone that I am his girlfriend now. Thank you, Chairman Liu. I can understand me so much. I know that Zhang Qing must be so entangled because he saw me alone when he and Qin Chu were together. I think if I had a boyfriend, he might not think so much, and would be with Qin Chu steadily. I, just watch silently, wishing them both. In fact, sometimes I see him happily with Qin Chu, I am very happy, not jealous at all, not at all!!

Liu Yandong said a lot to me today. He asked me if it was worth it. I said it was worth it. He asked me why, but I couldn't answer it. I thought about his question on his own study and found that what I thought was actually very simple, that is, as long as I could see the bastard happy, it was enough. I always felt very conflicted and confused from time to time, and I didn't know why. I just wanted him to be happy in this minute, and the next minute I would be depressed because the bastard didn't call me. Alas:-(

I haven't written it for a long time. I've been living in a daze for a while. Every day, my head is very messy. The memories of the past are constantly surrounding me. I don't know what to do. I can get distracted when eating and put the chopsticks into Lin Xue's plate. It's embarrassing. In fact, sometimes I really want to find someone to hold my nose and cry, but I don't want to become that way. I always think I am an extremely optimistic person. I never thought that I would become so fragile because of this feeling during adolescence. I became so Lin Daiyu. Who is this blame? Do you blame myself? I feel like a little resentful woman now.

Zhang Qing called me and said he was going to climb Mount Tai with Qin Chu on National Day. At that time, I thought, what should I do? I really want to go. It would be great to spend more time with him outside of school. But wouldn’t I become a light bulb when I go? What would Qin Chu think of me? Will she feel that I did it on purpose? But I didn’t think so. I just wanted to say a few more words to him. Besides, I was very bored alone, and I had no place to go. The sisters in the dormitory all had their own boyfriends or had their own plans. I was so stupid that I could not have plans to go... But later I insisted on going, and tried hard to give myself a chance to satisfy my selfishness. Qin Chu should not be such a petty girl, so I comforted myself with shameless face.

It's over, Qin Chu must have a fuss with Zhang Qing. Why are you a bastard on Mount Tai? You are so bastard who is holding me up? You asked Qin Chu to look at it. Do you know how much I feel? I blame myself because I didn't want to push you away at that time. That long-lost feeling made me dizzy at that time. I thought I was dreaming that I was sorry, I shouldn't go, why are I doing such a thick-skinned? The couple went for romance, I insisted on being a light bulb follower. My fault is all my fault. If it weren't for me, Qin Chu wouldn't be angry and left. You wouldn't be too tired to cross the mountains and fields and fight with others. It's all my fault. I'm wrong. I deserve to die! I'm a slut, I'm bastard!!!!!! But I really want to say a few more words to you in order to see you!

Thank goodness, they both have nothing to do, but why did Zhang Qing want to go out by himself? Is it because of Taishan???

Today you told me and left. I don’t know where I went and said I wouldn’t let you contact you. What’s wrong with you? Do you know how sad I feel whenever I see your melancholy face

It's been a day, and I didn't give me a text message. It seems that I have no status in his heart. Even an ordinary friend, you should say it. I didn't fight for anything, and I didn't bother you, bastard!! Why did I hear him leave? In just one day, I will do this.

I miss him...

Miss you

You have a conscience, I know to send me a text message

I miss him, Qin Chu is thinking too, I don’t think about it anymore... Sorry, Qin Chu

I can't control my emotions

I've been staring at my phone for almost an hour when I woke up. I hope I can hear the familiar text messages.

Two hours

Three hours

Three and a half

Four

Six

I realized that I hadn't even washed my face. Li Shuyun came back from class and ordered lunch. She wasn't hungry. Li Shuyun said that I'm like a madman now, with her hair scattered. If I don't eat or drink, I'll be stunned. I said that my aunt is here and I don't want to move. She even made fun of me for a long time

I really miss you. Maybe you want time to think quietly. Then, I'll be quiet too. I like you, but I can't be with you. This is fate. This life may not work. Will you be willing to do it in the next life? It feels good to calm down. Listen to gentle music, look at the lights and traffic outside the window, and try to squeeze out a smile. When I miss you occasionally, let memories accompany me.