Chapter 19: Following the flowing water to the end of the world

All love will be impermanent and difficult to last for a long time. I am afraid of life. Life is in danger of morning dew, so worry comes from love. I am afraid of love. If I am separated from love, there is no worry and no fear in the early morning. Everyone is busy watching the sunrise.

Only Sister Ru and I seem to be still intoxicated by the lingering feelings of last night, grinding our ears and hair in the quilt

We hugged each other, kissed each other, blending each other's two hearts and bodies, and didn't know that the East was white

After Check ut, while the crowd had not yet poured in, Sister Ru and I walked on the morning dew and visited the forest amusement area.

The road I walked last night, today, feels so different

Thin layer of fog, birds and insects, cool air, and the looming sky light that sifted through the leaves

I walked with her speechlessly, thinking about my thoughts, but I couldn't bear to break the tranquility with words

Because of the heavy dew, the ground was wet. I walked with Sister Ru's hand. She smiled at me, which made me intoxicated... This morning, this road... I hope that time will stop; I also secretly hope that we will lose ourselves in the mountains and forests and cut off the road to the world... I am willing to be the Cowherd, and she is willing to be my Weaver Girl!?

As I thought about it, I almost fell down after a moment of excitement.

I went on the passenger transport of the highway bureau with Sister Ru. I knew that this short reunion might disappear, and I couldn't help but feel reluctant to leave.

Passenger transportation was running, I sat with her, she turned her head and leaned on my shoulder

I still hold my left hand in my hand and fall asleep

I looked at her pretty face, satisfied and quiet, as if she was crazy last night, and her gorgeous mood was a little bit unattractive.

Maybe it was the Weaver Girl who came to the mortal world last night!?

She suddenly shook, I looked at her lovingly, then took off her coat and put it on her body

I looked out the window, the car was moving forward quickly, the weather became dim, and soon it started to rain slightly.

The raindrops were coming in, splashing on her hair and becoming a broken pearl. I quickly closed the car window

Not long after, the view outside the window blurred, and the car window was filled with hazy water vapor.

I wrote randomly on the car window with my fingers, remembering the game I played with Ruai in my childhood... As I was writing unconsciously, I actually wrote large and small, all over the window...

I was stunned to see the changes in water vapor, condensed into drops of water, penetrated my words

Soon, the raindrops as big as beans hit the car window, and the I lve yu I wrote also blurred, and finally disappeared one by one... The rain was still falling, like the tears of a lover

I thought about the future, and there was a hint of sadness in my heart, but I didn't know how to curb it, so I could only stare at her and hold her hand tightly...

Suddenly something white fell on you. At that time, you thought it was the snow sliver of the branches. I don’t know when you finally realized that it was not snow. The ones you concealed for a long time were beautiful spring flowers.

HHeine Xue Jinghua and Sister Ru returned home, and only then did she find out that she was chasing her, and was having a happy chat with her uncle and the others.

My uncle introduced us to him, but I shook hands with him, but I felt a jealousy in my heart.

He looks very gentle, wears a pair of gold-rimmed glasses, and stands with me a head higher than me.

Sister Ru looked at him and seemed a little surprised and embarrassed by his visit.

Lunch started in this strange atmosphere

Yumin, you are not a guest anymore, don’t be polite! My uncle greeted him warmly

h...Uncle, you are too polite, I can do it myself, he answered, and my uncle helped him pick up a piece of fish.

Male, you can do it yourself... My uncle smiled at me too

h,h...I will. I answered too. Looking at him, I couldn't help but feel jealous. I secretly hoped that he would make a big mistake and throw a big ugly. In front of Sister Ru and his family, Sister Ru just lowered her head and stomped on the meal, her face was a little pale.

After dinner, he walked out with Sister Ru

I was chatting with my uncle in the house, but my whole heart was hanging on them

I felt a chill slowly spread in my heart, an ominous premonition that I was about to lose my love slowly came to my heart

I tried to explain everything about me and Sister Ru to my uncle, but I found that I didn’t know how to express it or how to express it... I was afraid that they would not accept it... Yes!?

...Will they accept it!?

However, my uncle kept talking about how good the character of educating the people, how to be good at both character and academic performance, and how to voluntarily delay the opportunity to go abroad for further study... I seemed to have made some decision...

My heart was filled with a sense of powerlessness, as if a team of hopeless teams were facing the world champion team... But, I can't, and I'm not willing to lose!!

A chaotic heart was finally settled down when he saw Sister Ru coming back

I kept trying to talk to her, but she seemed to be escaping me intentionally, and even her eyes were avoiding my questioning gaze

I resisted the discomfort and could only squeeze out a little smile to deal with my aunt's kind care

After dinner, I finally had the opportunity to be alone with her

Her and I are still walking on the river bank

I asked all over, but I didn't know where to ask

Until she broke the silence, Xiaoxiong, forget me, okay? She begged in a low voice

This delicate sound was heard in my ears, like a huge thunder struck my body. I couldn't help but feel trembling all over my body, full of sadness and pity, and self-pity, and it came unstoppable.

... I felt a throat infarction and could hardly breathe. After a long time, I squeezed out a sentence: Why? Sister Ru lowered her head, as if she had done something wrong, and I caught a glimpse of her eyes becoming wet.

She bit her lower lip, we... can't... go further... two lines of clear tears finally flowed down

I looked at her speechlessly, trying to say something, but it seemed that it was all redundant... I couldn't help but shed tears... I reached out to hold her hand, and she let me hold my hand, let me rub my face with her palm...

Is it because of him? I became jealous and questioned her

She shook her head, lowered her head, and tears still flashed.

Even without him, there would be no end between us... She said quietly

There shouldn't be a love between us that surpasses the siblings... But we were all wrong!! She said, tears flowing down her eyes

We were wrong!!! No! I shouted

We are right... As long as you and I love each other, nothing is wrong, I debated, Sister Ru was just shaking her head with red eyes

Xiong... Listen to me, no!... I love Ru Sister, Ru Sister loves me, that's enough! I shouted loudly, as if convinced everyone

Xiaoxiong... Her eyes seemed to be begging me

If... today, we are not siblings... maybe Ru Jie will accept you... but... but... but... she choked up a little

No!!...I just know that you love me too!! I am like an unreasonable child

Sister Ru is Ai Xiaoxiong... Just... She tried to explain

But he is better than me!! I stabbed her hard

No... Xiaoxiong... This is not the point... She still argues

It's impossible for us to be together... She burst into tears

How can you do this? I stood up with tears in my arms

How could you deceive me like this? I took a few steps back, and Sister Ru burst into tears... The sky was drizzling again

I raised my left hand and the scar was still faintly visible. I said harshly: I am sincere to you... How can you let me down!? Woo... Sister Ru seemed to be unable to resist my questioning, covered her face and ran home

I didn't stop her, but just collapsed, my mind was blank, and it seemed to be filled with things, but it was just a mess, not knowing how to organize it

I sat on the river bank, staring blankly at the moon reflected in the pond, rippling with the waves, broken but not real

The raindrops in the sky are getting bigger and bigger, hitting the pond, causing ripples

I am like a walking corpse, just letting the rain hit me, without any sense of consciousness

I felt a heart covered with scars, like sugar placed in water, gradually disintegrating and shattering in the rain...

There is a kind of love between sacred and sin, at the mouth of the river where the stars move westward, everyone is still in their dreams, I sit alone waiting for people to cross

Jiang Xun

I don't know how long I have been sitting in the forefront

When I returned to my cousin's house, everyone was asleep. It was pitch black, but a little light came out from the crack of Sister Ru's door.

I then pushed open Sister Ru's door

I saw her back facing me, sitting at the head of the bed, as if she was thinking about something

I looked at her slim back and suddenly stepped forward to hug her

Her expression was dull, as if she was conscious

The warm and soft body in my arms made my lust rise quietly, rubbing a little unwilling and strong jealousy

I seemed to be taking revenge, hugged her tightly and ravaged her breasts with my hands

Start kissing her neck, back of her ear

But she was unmoved... just stared in the mirror blankly

I simply tore off her pajamas, revealing her fair body and pink bra

I kissed her body like crazy, her neck, back, breasts, and behind her ears...

It seemed to be about to swallow her and her eyes were closed, letting me play with her body...

I threw her down and quickly took off her pajamas, revealing her slender legs and seductive pink underwear.

I quickly took off my clothes, attacked her, pulled off her underwear, tore off her panties, kissed, and played with her beautiful body... Just as I was manipulating my younger brother and trying to hit her palace, I suddenly found her face with two tears...

These tears seemed to be making the most silent accusation of me. Is this the love I always say for her?

In the end, it's not just possession!?

Suddenly feeling confused inside, looking at herself in her makeup mirror, sitting naked on her body, as if she saw a wild beast, pounced on her prey and wanted to eat, her face was ferocious and disgusting

Seeing her sad expression, it made people feel regretful, and the lust in her heart slowly faded away.

I got out of bed, put on my clothes, pulled the quilt and covered her. She gave me a grateful look. I felt a strong guilt in my chest, but my heart gradually became clearer.

Actually, I owe her more

She is so for me, let me, love me, protect me

And I really love her completely?

Or just long for her youthful beauty

In the end, I still enjoy possessing her, not asking her feelings, not imagining her consequences

I said I wanted to take care of her for the rest of my life. Is it a complete promise or a means to deceive her into trust?

Even if it is not a deception, how can I practice my confidence?

I kept saying that I loved her, but did she have to love me?

If it is just a unilateral determination or wishful thinking, then this is not a betrayal...

A bunch of questions flashed like a flash in my heart. What I was confused and ununderstood before seemed to be enlightened in her eyes at this moment... But the more answers, the more guilt and regrets she felt for her.

She was good to everything she was in my mind like a shadow turned around...

I couldn't help but kneel in front of the bed, tears flowing down my face...

Sister Ru...I was wrong! I felt guilty and didn't know how to express it, so I could only ask her to forgive me clumsyly

... She sat up in her clothes, just like a goddess

She walked out of bed, knelt down and hugged me

My head was buried in her naked chest, without any lust, but I just felt like I was back in my childhood mother's warm and soft arms, a safe haven,

I shed tears, and later I burst into tears... She let me cry wet her breasts and kept saying: I know... I'm wrong too... Sister Ru and I hugged each other, hugged each other, lying on the bed until dawn

But I know it very well that this is the last time I... hugged her like this

Can you copy another photo of the joy of life?

Can I take a skin-removing plastic surgery if I’m old?

Can the truth in illness be proofreaded by fax?

Can I enter the key to the dead love?

Du Shisan

No matter how great the love of time is, there will always be an ending, let alone my insignificant love

The end of my infatuated love for my cousin was earlier than expected, and it was not as painful as I thought, so I survived it

Perhaps it was the second time I broke up and was able to withstand a blow; perhaps it was because my heart had lost a lot of ability to feel the outside world; and perhaps it was because I really figured it out, and when I grew up, I understood that clenching my hands may not necessarily tie a person's heart. Sometimes I know when to let go is a bigger trial!?

...Anyway, the pain didn't last long

Disillusionment is the beginning of growth. Maybe I have really grown up!?

Three months after leaving Sister Ru's house, I realized that she would go to the United States with that brother Yumin soon.

Sister Ru was originally unwilling to do so, mainly because she was reluctant to leave her home. After being comforted by her aunt and uncle, she asked her to get married and have a fat son and carry her to her uncle, she agreed to Yumin's proposal.

The wedding was held in the United States because the man immigrated with his family

The last time I saw my cousin was a week before she left the stage

I ran to her house to find her, and Brother Yumin was there, helping her pack her luggage.

I stood still, as if I couldn't help much

Now looking at that brother Yumin, he no longer hates him so much. Instead, he thinks that Sister Ru can marry him is much better than me.

Just looking at my cousin, I still felt an inexplicable feeling in my heart

Looking back on the two important women in my life, one left me and the other was about to marry far away, and I seemed to be alone again, and I couldn't help feeling a little lost in my heart.

I can't complain or blame anything. They have paid a lot to accompany me through these young years, accompany me to grow up, and tolerate my stubbornness and unreasonable trouble... Apart from gratitude and cherishment, what else can I have to suffer or annoy them?

As I thought about it, a sweet feeling appeared in my heart

I smiled at my cousin, and she smiled back. I looked at her gratefully, with tears in my eyes.

After leaving Sister Ru’s house, it started to rain. I walked out.

After a while, I heard Sister Ru calling me

It turned out that she chased after her with an umbrella

I stopped to wait for her, she walked up, held my hand, and handed me the umbrella

When I said thank you to her, I saw her eyes turn red

I also had the urge to cry, but I still held it back

We walked all the way to the station and talked about the future, the wind and rain were drizzling, and the love was lingering.

I took out my hand towel and it turned out to be the one that Sister Ru gave me, helping her wipe her tears

Sister Ru, I will hand her handkerchief back to her

There will be girls to give me in the future!! I said playfully

She nodded, smiled at me, and put the handkerchief in her arms

Waiting for a while at the stop sign, the car is here

I let go of her hand and kissed her face: Sister...goodbye!!...You must take care of me, don't forget me!! I will!...You too... don't cry anymore!! But when you leaned against the tower, you saw the crow returning home helplessly and secretly followed the flowing water to the end of the world. Qin Guan

Looking at the sea tide, I jumped into the car, and the passenger transport started suddenly. Her figure seemed to be visible in the hazy rain, and she was still waving her hand alone.

I couldn't bear to look at it anymore, so I made up my mind to turn my head away, squinted my eyes and pretended to sleep

After a while, I opened my eyes and found that my face was reflected on the car window, blurry and my eyes seemed a little wet. I wiped my eyes, not sure if it was the rain just now or the tears I shed...

I am thirty years old

The song of Twenty Years Old: A little bit of a note of the spring rain this year, it seems to be particularly long and upset

As usual, I am like many days in Tsinghua University, wearing slippers, holding an umbrella, and shuttled through dormitories, libraries, and laboratories in the breeze and drizzle.

This triangle seems to define all my life in Tsinghua

Occasionally, on some whim days, I would stop by the lake Chenggong, look at the swimming fish in the lake, the elegant flying little egrets, the night herons of the old monk entering into meditation, and the tree postures that evolve with the seasons

Maybe, at some time, I will go around the back mountain, humming a song, step down, and walk around the lotus pond to sit and listen to the rain and beat the broken lotus

In spring, the cherry blossoms reflect the fiery redness and hazy beauty remind me of the amazing beauty with her in Alishan Mountains.

Of course, most of the days, I was like most graduate students, buried in books and papers, occasionally sighing and watching movies, and then after consuming my emotions, I retracted back to the ivory tower, continued to do experiments, ran the computer, made papers, drank tea, stayed up late... I convinced myself to lie quietly with all kinds of beliefs

One evening around the New Year, I walked in Tsinghua Park again

Walking on the lingering red rainfall on the ground, I felt a little disgusting in my heart

At the age of standing, it should not be addicted to the pain of spring and cherishing time; but the endless raindrops and the redness of the ground seemed to touch a faint emotion in my heart.

I examine my emotions... Weiyang's dream is far away, some are just a feeling of vicissitudes of life just over thirty years old

It seems that my youth in my twenties has risen farther and farther in the cold wind and drizzle

The cuckoos are noisy on the branches, blooming and shaking in the rain, occasionally falling to the ground and turning into spring mud

I stared blankly and was infected by a sad mood and could not control myself for a long time...

Back in the lab, I worked alone until late at night

There was no one around, but the faint singing came from the radio to accompany me

A familiar old song came, it turned out to be a song from junior high school

That era was the end of campus folk songs!?

We listened to the orchids, just like your tenderness, and then moved Li Jianfu's descendant of the dragon

But those people and those things that once thought were already dusty and faded slowly emerged again

I gradually recalled the youthful years, and a strange feeling brewed in my heart

I tried to modify the program, hoping to suppress the thoughts with my work, but my heart was like a wild horse that broke away from its reins, moving further and further. That was my Weiyang song!!

It seemed as if a young and green boy opened the door and came in timidly

That's me, who was young!?

I looked at him for no reason, and he looked at me, speechless

Looking at the young self, many dusty memories become clearer

He was also a young man who was passionate, innocent, confused by love and desire, and forced to say sorrow in order to write new poems!?

‘At that time, I was young, and I was riding a horse and leaning against the slanting bridge, and I was full of red sleeves.’ I looked at him in a daze, and I couldn’t help feeling ashamed.

And how much do you have gained or learned in your thirties?

Are you more able to protect yourself?

Be harmonious in dealing with the world?

Know more?

Or will it hide the suppressed emotions, pretend to be decorative, and not be as good as emotions?

I know I have grown a lot, but I don’t know how much I have lost!?

In the academic ivory tower, layers of cocoons are wrapped, and various beliefs and dreams are weaving. Now I think about it, it is all the same.

Mature?

grow up?

Or find a better safe haven and excuse to escape from love palpitations??

Ask yourself, when was the last time I was moved or cried?

After a long time, I was frightened by my amazing rationality and my increasingly dissipated susceptibility.

I came to study with a romantic heart

What attracted me here at the beginning was not a teacher, library, and equipment... It was just an encounter with an egret on the afternoon of the first rain when I was watching the exam room.

I walked on Chenggong Lake, and thousands of drops of rain dripped ripples on the lake. Suddenly, in the misty rain, an egret flew past the lake elegantly, like a dream, is it right or wrong?!

From then on, this pattern is like a pattern engraved in my heart, and I will never forget it

I decided now that this is my reason for coming here, the most legitimate reason

Days at Tsinghua University are like a set of programs that never run the wrong ones, the rules are surprisingly good

In terms of knowledge, I claim to have grown a lot; but in life?

I left myself a big question mark

Perhaps there is no such proposition as life at all. Even if there is one, everyone's answers will be different!?

Even so, as graduation is about to approach, I am very familiar with every tree and grass here and have a little nostalgia

What I want most now and fear the most is probably the fiery red phoenix wood?!

The color of separation

Suddenly I realized that the past years will fade away and turn into broken and vague past events, and this is my young song!

An impulse arose in my heart. Under the guidance of my youthful past, I began to knock down some past events, some people, some things, and some stories I heard of.

Occasionally, I would bring some guests to sit and talk about their heart-wrenching past; sometimes I would run away to teach myself, or I would indulge in the young man and woman’s love affairs, and repent there... So the words flowed out from the keyboard...

This is the origin of the past memoir, and I will recount it here

The wind of the market that year, looking for the streets and alleys, selling a kind of scattered scattered me today, I don’t care about myself, but I am sad, I am not strong enough, I am as hateful as a thief, I can’t let go of everything, but I’m done by myself

over