Chapter 45: Just be wrong

Humans are sometimes emotional animals.IQ and character can only be a process of impulse!

At around 0 a.m., at home.

Incandescent light illuminates the neat living room, and on the red sofa, I was scratching my head and restless.

With the vague sound of dripping water coming from a room in the living room, I felt even more painful.

At this moment, of course, I was not imagining my mother's bathing posture in my mind.

On the contrary, as time went by, I was following my mother's excitement on the way home, and gradually became stiff, but my thinking rolled in my mind like a tide!

The reason is nothing else. In the end, I recklessly revealed my feelings with the woman I respect most and most eagerly now.

Although my mother's abnormal behavior later surprised me a little at the first time, I probably also speculated that my mother asked me to attend a unit party with her, but she actually had ulterior motives.

It's just to test my true thoughts!

Looking back on everything tonight, I even regretted that I covered my face tightly with my hands and blamed myself like a twist.

Lu Zixuan!Why are you so impatient?My mother is usually elegant and stable in dealing with people. Even if she is really interesting to others, it is impossible for people to see so obviously!What are you jealous?... You are more than just stupid... You are simply stupid!

I counted it carefully as if I was hindsight, especially on the overpass, which was almost idiotically.

Finally, we can find a summary.If everything about tonight is compared to a math problem, then my solution process is zero points, and the result is a negative answer!After all, this result is not something I can afford!

what to do……

What to do Finally, my mother came out after taking a shower, went back to her bedroom to dry her hair, and sat next to me with a familiar fragrance.

I let go of my covered face with trembling hands, looking ahead and dared not look at her, so I could only peek at my mother's current appearance through the light of my light.

My mother, who had just finished taking a shower, had thick black and thick shoulder-length short hair that looked a little wet and fluffy.

Her delicate and fair appearance makes her look more like a home-based woman, gentle and pleasant, and her skin is more fair and charming under the light, and is sacred and inviolable.

And my mother was wearing a white long-sleeved satin nightgown for the first time tonight. Her plump body was wrapped in a silky silk nightgown. There was a charming gully at the collar above her bulging breasts. The fragrant milk meat extended to the surroundings and finally hidden in the silk skirt. I couldn't help swallowing my saliva. Even though I dare not invade my mother anymore, even if I keep reminding myself that I can't be so frivolous and can't only have shallow lust for my mother...

But I still couldn't help but take a few glances from time to time.

The atmosphere in the living room was a little solemn, and I sat upright and didn't dare to breathe. It was really too tormenting that my mother stared at me from the beginning!

If I hadn't seen her look of displeasure from beginning to end, I would have long since spoken down and admitted my mistake.

After a while, my mother suddenly smiled and said briskly: Why don’t she speak?Didn’t you yell loudly outside just now?You can hear it all over the street... She teased me vividly, as if everything had nothing to do with her.

My reaction to my mother was so weird that I was confused again.

This time, I, who is sensible, naturally would not think that my mother is expressing some attitude of her.

Judging from the fact that I had an inappropriate relationship with her, and my various persecutions against her, and then I suffered from depression, it was impossible for her to let go of the depression in her heart so easily!

But now her reaction was not very angry, and she didn't have to pretend to be nothing. After all, she was the one who guided me to say all this...

That……

This, so the unknown is the most terrifying thing!

I didn't interrupt my mother's warm joking voice as if she was talking to me. When she finally covered her mouth and chuckled, I asked in a low voice: Mom... Have you foreseeed the party tonight, so I took me there?

I still couldn't help it and wanted to confirm whether my mother had used a trick on me.

When my mother heard this, her expression was much more restrained. She leaned slowly against the back of the sofa chair with her chest in her arms. She still had a smile on her lips. Her lower head slightly pointed, and her deep beautiful eyes were filled with a complacent color, as if this was something that satisfies her very much.

Then... what did you think of Chief Ma... I looked at her cowardly, knowing that this problem is very purposeful and useless, but I still couldn't help but want to get the real confirmation from my mother.

But what I didn't expect was that after my mother looked at me meaningfully, her expression became solemn and she returned to her previous serious expression: ...The divorce between your father and I have to be reported to the leader of the unit, so this is not a confidential matter... Then, my mother explained to me that when did Chief Ma start to be interested in her, and then gradually spread in the unit. After only a few words, I no longer needed my mother to express her true thoughts about Chief Ma!

Because when the party was held before, the person from my mother's unit said that Section Chief Ma also wanted to stop the wine for his mother at the National Day party last year and took the opportunity to show off.

As a result, my mother got drunk that day, so I took the opportunity to...

No wonder my mother acted abnormally that day after she came back. Logically, she shouldn’t act like a coquettish person when she was drunk and was so close to me.

A woman who had just divorced not long ago first witnessed her ex-husband’s newlywed marriage, and then was secretly molested by her son in public. In the end, her son did not go home for several days to stay in the hospital, taking care of her ex-husband’s daughter, all of this may make her proud and negative!

Even when she went to the unit party on the last day of National Day, she could only refuse to show her since she was drunk...

Perhaps, she also wants someone to take care of her, and her husband and family members block the wine for her, and this person is definitely not Chief Ma!

My mother leaned against the sofa, her beautiful appearance was not stained with dust and smoke, and her calm expression could not tell whether she was sad or not.

My heart trembled again, and I remembered the night on the last day of National Day, and I secretly scolded myself for being a good person again!

But it was from that day that I truly had a mentality of transcending mother-son love for my mother.

Cough...then...will my mocking him like at the party just now affect your future relationship with colleagues?

I scratched my head awkwardly, and I also knew that my mother had been considering work-related friends before, so I just politely declined Section Chief Ma, not as slandered as I did.

Puchi... Do you think anyone is as stingy as you?Mom recalled my previous behavior and couldn't help but smile.

...And, he is also a single parent. He has a daughter who looks very cute and is about the same age as yours... However, after you made this statement tonight, I think he will not persist in the future. After all, he also knows that the child's wishes are very important... Mom said at the end, her eyes were inexplicably thought.

I smiled embarrassedly and nodded in response, and then I thought, could this be within my mother's calculations?

Due to the relationship between colleagues or the nature of work, my mother was not very good at speaking too ruthlessly before, so Section Chief Ma never gave up.

And this time, she knew about Section Chief Ma's character, and indirectly rejected him with my disgusting attitude and gave up all his thoughts!

From beginning to end, my mother only needs to cooperate with Section Chief Ma’s pleasing and lead the parents to see the children, and she can penetrate my shallow disguise!

What a trick to kill two birds with one stone!

I leaned on the sofa weakly, looking at my mother quietly, feeling more and more that I was a child and a tool in her eyes.

But I am happy to be tricked by her in this way, as long as I drive away all the suitors for her, it doesn’t matter even if I fall under the predicament!

……And you?Mom asked suddenly while I was escaping.

Ah!What am I?I still instinctively pretended not to know, but I knew in my heart that what should come is still coming!

Sure enough, my mother's dark eyes pierced my heart and looked at me: You said you love me, I am your mother!Cooperating with her gradually cold tone, the familiar mother came back.

I listened to my mother's direct words, just as her personality was as straightforward and neat, and I missed it in my heart: I...Isn't it normal for me to love you?Which son doesn’t love his mother? Why are you suddenly so fierce?

I looked like a dead pig was not afraid of boiling water, and I completely forgot the scene I had on the overpass just now.

I also made up my mind to make fun of it now. From now on, I will never fall into your trap if I beat you to death!

But my mother disrupted my mood again.

She suddenly put down her hands that were hunching her chest, then gently held my right hand, and the beginning was filled with smooth and warmth, and her expression was much softer: Do you know what I am talking about, and I don’t want to circle around you... Xiaoxuan, do you think I am still your mother?

She slowly stretched out her slender jade hand and rubbed my face, her eyes flowing with confused colors, as if she didn't know me, or wanted to see every inch of my appearance clearly.

I was suddenly panicked. The thing I was most worried about happened, and my mother was still depressed because of this!

At this moment, I couldn't pretend anymore and hurriedly said: Mom, I'm sorry, I was wrong!Can you not do this?I promise in the future... As I said that, I raised my left hand again and stretched out three fingers to look at her beggingly.

Are you going to swear again?My mother couldn't help but chuckled again, staring at me with a slight hurricane, pointing something secretly.

I...I...

I opened my mouth and didn't know what to say, because I knew she wouldn't believe my oath easily anymore.At this moment, I felt indescribable powerlessness!

In the end, I had to surrender!

Looking at his mother's fair and gentle face, who was so close to her but felt her distant whiteness and warm face, she bowed her head voluntarily and said: I know you are my mother, and I also know that I shouldn't like you.But this may be just some strange rebellious thing that belonged to me during my adolescence, as you said before!Maybe I will not treat you again in the future... I said insincere words, vaguely my thoughts about my mother to the greatest extent.

But I know only myself that my feelings for my mother may have already penetrated into my soul without realizing it.

Perhaps it was because my mother had been kind to me since childhood, or maybe it was because we had been inappropriate many times, or maybe all of this made me unable to tell whether I had more affection for her or more love for her, or maybe the two had been intertwined and integrated!

...Mom, don’t worry, even if I really have some thoughts about you, I will never treat you like before!We are still like this during this period. If you ask me to go east, I will never go west. OK?

I said sincerely and carefully observed my mother's reaction.

After listening to my explanation and assurance, my mother still gently held my hand, and her slightly solemn expression slowly soothed. After hesitating for a while, she looked at me in memory: You have been naughty since childhood, and many times I don’t want to care too tightly about you, so I just let you make trouble and lie to me... Speaking of this, my mother paused in a warm tone.

However, you have never had the habit of keeping your worries in peace, and you will not often stare in the room like this during this period... The more you speak, the more gentle your eyes are, and your eyes are full of care.

I also understand that my mother is worried about my psychological state due to abnormal behavior during this period!

I suddenly felt relieved and said indifferently: Mom, you are too worried. You also know what I am!That's right, at the beginning I felt guilty about you for a while, so...

Do you feel guilty that you hide in the quilt and cry every night?After I installed the room door for you again, you secretly stood at the door of my bedroom before going to school every morning... Do you know your current situation?Do you know that you will become more and more depressed by yourself like this?

My mother's eyes widened, like a psychologist, analyzing my condition one by one.

How did you... know?

But I was surprised at how my mother discovered that I had been hiding in the dim room before and secretly watching her?

Mom glared at me: If you can see me, I will naturally see you!

what？

What is the explanation?

I was confused!

Of course I could see her in the lighted living room, but suddenly, my eyes were stopped in my mother's eyes that were so dark that it was unusually dark, and asked in disbelief: Mom... do you have night vision?!That's not an animal...

Seeing that I was a little overreacting, my mother was a little embarrassed and said, "So what?"Don’t change the topic and continue talking about you!

……

Even the last chance to get involved in a mixed class was gone, so I had to lower my head and say nothing.

Admittedly!As she said, at first, I felt a feeling of suppressing myself in loneliness, and it was particularly serious during the time when my mother ran away from home!

But at that time I was more self-blame and guilty, and I didn’t dare to face my mother.

After that, as I focused a lot of my thoughts on study, my thoughts gradually became relaxed and I no longer closed myself.

But my love for my mother is deeper, and I, who cares about it, think more and be afraid of it, the less I dare to have fantasies about my mother!

Because she is my mother, and because I love her, I can’t hurt her anymore!

This is a disease, I knew from the beginning!

Only then can I devote my energy to studying every day, while finding some answers, strengthening the spiritual world, so that I will not easily collapse after a few seconds, and I smiled as if nothing had happened: I am fine, mom, have you said that I have grown up and some things can be regulated and resolved by myself.I am really not as fragile as you think. No one is depressed at any time... Uh... Mom, I'm sorry, I'm not talking about you, I mean...

But my mother was still unmoved and said in the words of someone who has experienced it: You are fine now, it doesn’t mean you won’t be able to do so in the future!

……

My mother's aggressive expression and words made me feel a little breathless for a moment.Cooperating with everything she had tonight, I couldn't help but feel a little angry in my heart.

...Then you...I mean...Mom, what do you think of me?I'll listen to you!I kept smiling and asked my mother about her intentions directly.

In the living room, on the red sofa, my mother's figure in a silky nightgown like a bright moon stiffened.

It was clearly she who had been dominating everything, but she seemed a little hesitant at this moment, and she looked indescribable.

It is as pity as if the snow lotus is about to bloom and not open, and hope is swaying.

In an instant, it made me feel hot and a certain emotion was about to move. Finally, my mother gave me a blank look for no reason, stroked my hair in my ears, and opened her light red lips slightly: It's not me who wants you... It's what you want in your heart?

Listening to my mother's words like tongue twisters and looking at her serious questioning expression, I was confused for a moment.

What do I want?

How could I tell her!

After experiencing the past, I never expected my mother to accept my thoughts of betrayal.

Maybe it was these strange scenes tonight that made me think several moments.

Mom, you really think too much!I admit that I have always had a bit of a wrong feeling for you, but I really didn't think about what to do... I should be able to correct it in the future... Helplessly, I still gave a pale explanation.

Are you coaxing a three-year-old child?How long have you changed, and how long have you still changed?My mother's bright face was as stern as ever.

...Then what do you want me?

What do you want?

……

In this way, my direct conversation with my mother formed a cycle and also turned into a dumb mystery.

I have too many concerns and dare not tell everything in my heart.And mom, I really don’t know what she wants tonight!

But in just a few cycles, my mother finally couldn't help but have this childish conversation.She stared at me expressionlessly, and after a moment of silence.

When you grow up, you have your own ideas and should have your own cognition!Mom just hopes that you can maintain yourself...even if...even if...as long as...mom just wants you, do you know?

My mother said intermittent words decisively, which made me even more confused.

I had no choice but to nod my head well and smiled and said: OK, mom, whatever you say is what you say!

But my mother's expression gradually restrained and finally became cold: Do you still don't understand?Afterwards, my mother even threw away the hand that had been holding me tightly.

I was stunned by the change of my mother's face, but I opened my mouth but couldn't speak, and finally shook my head.

My mother took a deep breath, her full chest was undulating, her eyes flashed in her beautiful eyes and stared at me, word by word, and said a very majestic words from her warm and red lips: ...I ask for the last time, what do you want in your heart?

...I really don't...hey...

Before I finished speaking, my mother stood up and walked towards her bedroom in a hurry.

When she arrived at the door, she couldn't help but look back and glared at me: I think you have become a nerd after reading books!

After saying that, he closed the door with his backhand.

Bang!

Sitting on the sofa, I watched all this in a daze, and finally was startled by the sound of the door closing.It was this powerful voice that shattered my reason for imprisoning emotions again!

At this moment, my mind was filled with delusions, extravagances, and even lust for my mother... Combined with just now, I boldly came up with a guess!

Is mom hinting to me?No, explicitly!Did she agree?!

In an instant, my blood boiled all over my body and my heart beat violently!I quickly got up and wanted to go to my mother's room... but I stopped halfway through the living room.

How could my mother be so easy?... In addition to improving my grades during this period, I didn't make her angry, but I didn't let her ignore the mother-son relationship and me... And she also suffered from depression because of this.

I returned to the sofa and sat down powerlessly.

But...if my mother didn't promise me, what was the purpose of everything she did tonight?!

I recalled my mother's expression from beginning to end and the last sentence she said before going back to the room.

In the second moment, I ignited another strong expectation and joy.Suddenly I stood up again and walked towards my mother's bedroom... I was still denied when I walked halfway through again!

She is my mother, she is Liang Buping, she is a wise and rational woman!

How could she promise that such unconventional things are like this, like this, repeating the past!

I wandered in the living room again and again, my mood rising and falling again and again.

Maybe my mother can make me so undecided and dare not be confident!

At around one o'clock in the morning, I lay on my own bed. Even though I was supposed to be tired, I would have drunk alcohol and even vomited.

But at this moment, I still tossed and turned and couldn't sleep!

My mind was repeated about my mother's words and deeds just now. Suddenly, I stood up and turned over the quilt.

no!I must figure it out!

After talking to myself, I came to my mother's bedroom door again. After making up my mind to take a deep breath, I finally knocked on my mother's door: Mom... Have you slept...

I also made up my mind that as long as my mother is not what I thought, or if she refuses my words and actions at all, I will turn around immediately!

……

After a few seconds, there was no sound in my mother's bedroom.I lowered my hand dejectedly and turned around.

But before I could leave, my mother's soft and beautiful voice came from the room, like a natural sound: Isn't sleeping... Is there anything wrong?

I looked back in surprise, but found that I didn't seem to think about how to ask my mother's wishes. It was impossible for her to ask her directly if she agreed to do that with me, right?!

I felt anxious: I...I...I'm fine...that...

Come in!

My mother's bedroom room is as neat and full of fragrance as ever.The whole room is mainly red tone, highlighting the solemnity and calmness of the hostess.

When I opened the door, my eyes focused on the beautiful figure leaning against the head of the bed at this time, which was the mother playing with her cell phone.

For some reason, the mother sitting in the big red bed had an indescribable style, and she looked more noble and cool with a white nightgown.

She glanced at me and asked lightly: What's the matter?

I scratched my head awkwardly: I... just want to ask... Have you slept... When the words are right, I still dare not say them.

When my mother heard this, she put her phone next to her and ignored me.Lying down and covering the quilt, turn off the bedside lamp: I’m asleep!

In an instant, my mother's bedroom was dim, with only a little moonlight coming through the windowsill to make me clear the direction, but I couldn't sort out my thoughts.

I could only sit still, letting the fragrance and familiar fragrance in the air surround me, as if these fragrances were imprisoning me.

I don’t know when, I was sitting next to my mother’s bed by a scammer. Mom... You just said you wanted to do my best, and then asked me what I thought about you all the time... Actually, I just want you to stop worrying about me anymore, and no longer because of what I have to do with you... I know what I say and what I do is wrong, but...

With the dim environment in the room, I can gradually relax my emotions and tell my mother my true thoughts vaguely.Maybe this is the environment that sets off the psychology!

At the end, I mustered up the courage again, looked at the vague face of my mother at the dim bedside and said: ...What I want to ask is... Mom, are you... I mean... If... Suppose... Do you promise me... I stutter, my voice is getting weaker and weaker.

Um!At the pillow, my mother's voice was particularly loud in comparison!

My head was followed by a buzzing sound, and my breathing was not smooth in an instant, but I still couldn't hide my excitement: Mom...you...you agree?!

I adjusted my sitting position in a hurry, trying to reach out to touch my mother, but I stopped.

...Well... Mom obviously hesitated for a while, and responded again with a delicate voice like a mosquito.

Suddenly, I couldn't describe my inner feelings at this moment, I only knew that I was filled with indescribable excitement, excitement, and surging...Why?Mom, why are you... You used to... But I am a rational person again. In comparison, I care more about why my mother made this change.

In the dim room, the atmosphere fell silent again.

A few minutes later, my mother's beautiful voice rang: No reason!People always have to look forward... Since they are already wrong, then just make mistakes!It’s better to make one mistake than to make more mistakes in the future...

Mom has a deep meaning, but I probably understand.

She was worried that I would have more unpredictable knots because of this inappropriate love.

In comparison, she might feel that satisfying me and giving myself would be a better choice!

I don’t know if this is another kind of coercion. Although I’m unintentional, it seems that this is the truth!

Mom, I didn’t... I was eager to explain, but I was interrupted by my mom.

Mom knows, so this is Mom’s own decision... If you think Mom is very incompetent, it’s a lot of extravagance... Mom’s voice gradually reveals confusion and lack of confidence.

I can't bear to see my mother like this. She has already imagined a lot for me and gave up a lot of persistence. If I continue to be rational, I will be really an idiot!

I lifted my mother's quilt, groped my mother's shoulders with trembling hands, bent down and hugged her gently: No!I love you!You are very good, you are the best woman in the world!It is also my eternal respect for mother!

Let go of everything in my heart and stare at her affectionately.

In the room, the faint moonlight could not light up my mother's face, and I could not see her expression clearly.But with night vision, she should be able to see my sincerity!

really!

My mother could not resist my warm love and gaze at me from close range, and reached out to push my chest: Get up... You hurt me... Her tone was all as gentle as a woman's murmur. It was better to say that she was acting cute than driving me away!

My breathing became more rapid, and I sniffed the body fragrance of my mother at close range, and for the first time, I went against my mother's wishes again!

The moment she let go of her thin shoulders, she lifted the soft quilt and drilled in, why are you coming up... Go down...

Uh... Xiaoxuan... don't...