Chapter 29 Chapter of the Mirror (Part 1)

Mirror, memories of past events: How great would it be if the mirror could reflect past events and change them and choose again?

I was born in an ordinary working family and had a sister four years younger than me. Before junior high school, I was the kind of girl who had no sense of existence among the crowd. Her grades were average, her appearance was average, and her family was average, and she ran wildly like a boy. Although there was a quiet name, she seemed to have nothing to do with me.

It was not until the second semester of the sixth grade that I gradually began to develop and realized that there was a difference between boys and girls. My breasts would be bigger than those of boys. No wonder my mother asked me to wear sports underwear since I was a child, but I saw that some of the other female classmates were as big as my mother, why did they still develop slightly?

Since I learned that there is a difference between men and women, my temperament has gradually become restrained and no longer crazy. It seems to be gradually approaching the expectations of my parents. I have become unfamiliar with boys. When those boys went out to play games, I could only keep lobbying for myself as girls and should no longer participate in these activities that only boys are

After all, in society at that time, there were many boys who played game consoles, but there were very few girls who played game consoles. One or two occasionally appeared, giving people the impression of being bad girls.

But I just like the activities of these boys?

There is no way, I can only accept these little thoughts from myself. After all, I also know that I should not be willful when I grow up and have to be like a girl.

Before, I always had a small flat head like a boy. My parents taught me a lesson many times but couldn't do anything.

It was not until I graduated in the sixth grade that they realized that I had been wearing a semester and my hair was almost shoulder-length.

When I stopped playing crazy with boys, reading seemed to have become a good interest, but I was not as good as those top students. They didn't seem to read it much or put half my efforts into getting better grades than me.

I am not jealous of others. I know that I am just an ordinary child with an ordinary talent in the family. As long as I can get into college, it's fine.

But what I was confused about was that the boy looked at me with a look of something wrong. Until one day when I received the love letter, I realized that I really couldn't get into a ball with the boy.

I looked at myself in the mirror. It turned out that my appearance had grown over the years, and my facial features gradually showed the tenderness of a woman. I no longer looked like the tomboy I used to be. I had the aura of a girl on my shoulders. For some reason, I felt the melancholy and lost feeling that I could not go back to the past, and the secret joy of growing up. At the same time, I also had a fantasy about the future: What will I look like in the future?

After realizing that I have grown up, there are only girls left in my circle, and I will keep a certain distance from boys intentionally or unintentionally

When I was in high school, I actually heard that I had a cold nickname

Actually, I really want to play games like a boy, buy a Gundam model with pocket money and build it home...

But I can't. Only by focusing on learning can I get the freedom I want in the future

During the college entrance examination, I actually got a score of more than 60 points higher than I usually did, from a person who barely reached the key line to a person who can reach the score line of Guangwen University.

At that time, I first filled out the application form and then took the exam. Fortunately, before the exam, I insisted on filling out Guangwen University as my first choice under the opposition of my family, otherwise I would have lost the possibility of turning my daydream in elementary school into reality.

My parents gave me 1,000 yuan in pocket money, but my sister was so envious. I gave me 200 yuan to block her jealousy.

During the summer vacation, I was surprised to find that the games and models I had been thinking about before could no longer be interested. For a moment, I seemed to be able to get happiness only by reading books.

At the end of September when entering university, it was the day when clubs recruit new clubs. Looking at the dazzling array of clubs, I really didn't know what to choose until I saw a club in the corner. He seemed to be out of place with other clubs, and there was no shouting. Everyone was dressed formally and appropriately. Out of curiosity, I walked over and take a look

The name is Chuangyan Club, it seems to be scientific research. I am not a science and engineering department. I took a few glances and turned around and left.

At this time, a senior sister in the stall called me: Senior sister, do you want to see our club?

Her friendly smile made me unable to refuse, so I walked to the side of the stall and asked: Are you doing science and engineering research? I am not a science student and I can’t understand it

Who knew that the senior sister laughed. She patted the senior brother next to her and said: Another person who was scared away by his name. How could you give this name if you say it would rise?

The senior sister told me: This club has just been established for 3 years. In fact, the name is the meaning of entrepreneurship discussion. This discussion is actually an academic discussion. How to apply the knowledge learned by our school to entrepreneurship practice? Of course, the main content of our school is to play competitions. Although our club has only been established for 3 years, many of the school's marketing, economics, accounting and in-school competitions have been awarded in provincial and even national competitions.

I felt a little backfired after hearing this. The term entrepreneurship has never appeared in my life. My parents are ordinary people and can afford to go to college. It is my simple learning goal to find a good job after graduation.

Starting a business or something requires a lot of start-up capital, right? I don’t have that information either

At this time, I saw two senior brothers behind the stall talking about what seemed to be the content of the competition. They were chatting and laughing, and seemed to be full of enthusiasm for the future. Isn’t this the college life I was looking forward to in front of the mirror?

These people are full of vitality and confidence, speak appropriately, and feel envious in their hearts. They also want to be such a person.

I changed the topic and said: So how much does it cost to join a club?

I learned from others that entering a school club requires membership fees, so that people who become clubs can participate in activities. Most of them charge 10 yuan. Will such a high-profile club charge 100 yuan or even 200 yuan?

The senior sister smiled and said: We don’t charge money, but we have to conduct three rounds of interviews. You must have learned a lot when you come in.

So difficult? I instinctively wanted to retreat, but I had a little stubbornness and didn't want to admit defeat, so I dared to sign up for the interview

I didn't expect that I really went through all obstacles and passed three rounds of interviews to enter the academic department of this club. It was a bit different from what I thought.

The same is true that the seniors in the club are all masters of participating competitions. The founders in the club really have seniors who started their own business from scratch. There is a difference from what I imagined. The filters I had for them were too heavy before entering, and they were just students who were older than me for a few years. I could completely abandon the burden of middle school and play with everyone like in elementary school!

The first time the department went out was after the club held a marketing competition before training, and went to a mass sales KTV in the city to sing K all night. How excited I was for me who had never spent the night outside. In addition, I heard that there was a buffet there that I could eat until dawn, which was so wonderful!

It was a little cold that day. I went back to the dormitory wearing a suit I bought from the formal clothing store and wore an extra pink wool coat. I returned to the school road to wait for others. When I was almost here, I felt someone coming from behind me. I turned around and saw that it was Senior Brother Huan Shou, the vice president of the club.

During the interview, I already knew his existence, and I also found that when I was recruiting new products that day, I saw a debate with someone at the stall, which eventually led to my decision to participate in the interview. The person I decided to participate in the interview was Senior Brother Huanjue in front of me.

I said: Hello, senior brother

Huan Jue smiled slightly, and said with a stiff face: Hello, junior sister

I don't know if he is a little shy, but compared to the first time I saw him discussing academic excitement with others, I feel that the contrast is quite cute

After we went there to sing K that night, I heard Senior Brother Huan Singing "Li Song" and sang very well. I really admire him for being so talented and talented.

But after he finished singing this song, he stopped singing it and just focused on eating

After singing a few songs, I also stopped to have a buffet. The first time I could enjoy the entertainment of singing K buffet late at night. I felt like I was exposed to a new world, but I was also very alert. I was afraid that I would indulge in this colorful world, waste my studies, and let everyone down.

I saw Senior Brother Huanjue briefly asking about the situation one by one. When it was my last one, he sat next to me and asked about my situation. After I also told him about the basic situation at home, he seemed to have no idea how to go on

After about a minute or two, he asked: Do you want to start a business after graduation?

I tilted my head and thought about it. I didn’t have such a big goal, so I could only answer truthfully: I didn’t think so much when I came in. I just thought that the club could get many awards in competitions. In addition, this club is not like other clubs who give membership fees to be members, but has to go through three interviews. I want to challenge this elite club that is the most difficult to enter in middle schools.

At the end, I was worried that he felt that my original intention of joining the club was inconsistent, and added: Of course, if you have the opportunity, you also want to start a business, but you don’t have much capital, and I’m afraid you will still become a working person in the end.

Huan Jue smiled. His smile relieved my tension like the spring breeze and relieved my emotions: It's okay, you are just a freshman now, and the most important thing is to study. You can participate in club activities more and participate in competitions more and wait for your knowledge and vision to broaden your mind. Starting a business may not be as difficult as you think now. Take a step back, there are not so many bosses in this world, but as a student of Guangwen University, even if you go out to work, you have to work with a high level of work.

This is the first time I have officially started a communication with Huan Jue

We had brief communications at other events or gatherings, but we didn't expect that we would not have a separate communication with him for nearly a semester.

I don't know when it started, but there were many suitors around me. Some of them were very simple and rough, and some were very thoughtful. I was a little shaken. However, every time I went to visit senior students with my classmates, my eyes seemed to fall on the quick-thinking Huan Jue on the stage.

The people in the club are not as dull and boring as I think. They actually like to play board games very much. They brought games that I had never heard of at that time, such as werewolf killing and UNO. In addition, they also organized table tennis, directional off-road, weekend bicycle tours and other activities. I really like this club. I didn't know at that time. Huan Jue was there every time I participated in an event, but we never had any communication, so I could only watch him and others have fun.

When the first semester of my freshman year was almost over, I learned that he participated in the competition on behalf of the school and won the first prize in the national competition. I admired him very much. In my heart, he is the kind of god who can play, learn, and communicate.

Having a separate intersection with him again should be the second semester of his sophomore year

It was an early summer afternoon. My roommate Ajuan and I discussed Mao Dun's "Midnight", so I wanted to recall the contents of the book, so I came to the library to read the book.

I find that I am increasingly liking the quiet atmosphere of libraries that is isolated from the world. I may really not be able to return my childhood hobbies. This new interest should be able to accompany me for the rest of my life, right?

I walked to the bookshelf to look for books. When I turned my head slightly, I saw a familiar figure. It turned out that Huan Jue was reading a book in front of a desk not far away.

I said softly: Hello, senior brother

He nodded with a smile on his face and responded

I picked up Midnight and started reading what I had previously been confused about

I helped my black-framed glasses. I was myopia during high school studies, but it was not very deep, so I occasionally wear glasses to come out.

The sun shone directly at my feet, and I finally got my answer from the book, so I put the book back to the original place and walked to the old one.

I saw him panic using the book to cover the picture he was sketching just now. I didn’t care and said in a low voice: Do you also read books here?

He nodded dullly and didn't say anything. I found that every time I wanted to talk to him, he had the same expression.

I read the cover, which was Lao She's "My Life" and I asked in surprise: Isn't my senior brother a major in economics? I think you are reading economics books?

She scratched her head and said: I occasionally read literary books. Isn’t these books just literary? What are you reading?

I said with a smile: Today I accidentally discussed Mao Dun's "Midnight" with my roommate. When I mentioned the character Wu Sunfu, I talked about the opposition and cooperation between the national bourgeoisie and the bureaucratic bourgeoisie. After talking a lot, I came to the library to recall what I read in high school at that time.

He smiled and said: I have also read this book. Wu Sunfu's ambition and fighting spirit and the weak feudalism of his class were doomed to his success and failure from the beginning. Of course, we sit in the library decades later to comment on the fictional characters at that time. However, in reality, this type of person is just a wave in the whirlpool of China's great change at that time. If he does not destroy his own life, he will not be able to poison China. It is just that few people can see it, and almost no one can do it.

When I heard his words, I felt that I had traveled through the times and returned to the Republic of China decades ago. Huan Jue's appearance was filled with the passion that was rare now. So I opened the seat and sat in the seat in front of him. The sun was a little dazzling. I lowered my head slightly and squinted my eyes and said: So we are all in a beautiful era. Even if we are waves now, it is also the gentle waves that slapped the child's tender faces on a beach full of laughter and sunshine.

He folded the book and said in a long sigh: We are in an era of rapid development. Now we are still the next wave. In a few days, we will become the previous wave. I wonder what to do after graduation, should we take the postgraduate entrance examination or walk out of the ivory tower like seniors and sisters and accept the beating of society

I asked in confusion: Didn’t senior brother say you want to start a business?

He said in an instant, "It's better to have more knowledge reserves to deal with society, or if you go out and be beaten by it to have a chance. I don't have a mine at home."

It turns out that my senior brother is also an ordinary family. I always thought he was the kind of person who had a business at home to go home after graduation.

In this way, I don't seem to be that different from him.

After he started talking, he seemed to talk to me a lot more relaxed: According to the elders, life has changed more than their fifty years. Especially in the past ten years, as far as I am limited, I have experienced the new flip phone from BP phone to the present. Who knows what the world will look like in ten or twenty years? College students are now valuable, but the value of secondary school students is not low in a few years. My worst situation is that after graduation next year, I will directly accept the beating of society, get rid of my fledgling fantasy and start a business again. Of course, if I can get into a master's degree, have sufficient knowledge reserves and resources, and be beaten again, the probability of success in entrepreneurship may be higher. But these are my imaginations in this ivory tower. Who knows what will happen after I go out?

It turns out that he had this idea too! I remembered the way I used to look in front of the mirror and fantasize about the future. Isn’t it a small part of the future I fantasized about back then?

I said in extreme agreement: Senior brother makes sense. The changes in recent years have indeed been a bit big. A few years ago, I listened to tapes, followed by CD machines, and recently MP3s. I really don’t know what the world will be like in ten or twenty years? It’s so exciting to say that.

I was a little excited and my fists swayed on the table a few times, and found that he was staring at me. I realized that the book he folded up showed a corner of the sketchbook. There was a girl wearing black-framed glasses, a long-sleeved shirt and a denim vest dress. He seemed to be me?

My heartbeat suddenly accelerated. I have never tried this feeling. It was just a sketch, so how could I be so shy?

I put down my hand, as if I hadn't seen him draw anything, and said: Senior brother, are you painting?

After hearing what I said, he immediately closed the book, and the sketch was also blocked by him. He said: Boring doodles, no one can get on the table, I laughed at you

In order to ease the atmosphere, I pretended not to find what he was painting, but there seemed to be a little bug in my heart that made me itch. I whispered: Senior brother is really versatile. He is good at literature and painting. Guangwen University is really talented and speaks nicely...

Huan Jue scratched his head embarrassedly and said: Junior sister, I don’t know how to answer the conversation, why don’t you say something else?

Ah Hahaha... I accidentally let out a burst of laughter in the library. I immediately covered my mouth and didn't dare to laugh anymore. Our relationship seemed to be a little closer in this conversation.

After that time, I went to the library more frequently. I told myself that I was studying in college, and it was normal to go to the library.

But every time I hold the book has nothing to do with the course

Many times, I would meet Huan Jue. We sat across the opposite side tacitly. I found that the books he brought were all kinds of, and some of them were even on the bookshelf upstairs, but they still got them to the seat where we met for the first time. I don’t know if it was a habit or...

Because of me?

I am not an ignorant little girl. I have some speculations about his actions, but I can't calculate it. After all, every time he finishes reading the book quietly, he asks me if I want to have dinner together.

I went to the cafeteria with him to have dinner, and occasionally talked about my daily experiences. It was similar to ordinary classmates. I just don’t know why, although he was still funny when he spoke to me, I felt that it was a little different from his usual clubs. What was different and I couldn’t tell you.

One day in April, we met outside the library. He didn't say hello like hello, but instead called me and said hesitantly: Jingxin, that, the school has an e-commerce competition. Are you interested in teaming up with me?

I know this competition is a competition that simulates the sand table in the mall. If a senior brother leads the team with so many awards, he will definitely learn a lot.

I responded happily: OK

In this way, our group of 5 people spent three nights a week discussing research and simulation practice in the next month. I was responsible for calculating the capital flow. I got a mathematical model given to me by Huan Jue. He asked me to study it and see if there were any improvements, because the competition software has been updated, and then the old models cannot keep up with the development of the times.

I was a little worried during that period. I was admitted to Guangwen University, which was explosively performed in the college entrance examination. In my freshman year, I had to come into contact with this mathematical model and read the book of heaven.

Seeing that I was depressed, Huan Jiao took the initiative to ask me to go out to sit outside Uncle Mai.

I deliberately put on a skirt that I rarely wear. After going downstairs, I found him sitting straight on the bench downstairs of the dormitory, looking at the dormitory aunt, and I walked over with a smile: Senior brother has been waiting for a long time

Huan Jue stood up stiffly, holding a laptop bag in his right hand, and didn't know what was being carried in his left hand, and he didn't walk in front, but followed me instead.

It was almost the time when Uncle Mai was not over, and he said in a very relaxed tone: You should eat some chocolate when you are nervous. I went to the supermarket to buy chocolate that has not been opened yet. If you are anxious, eat one.

I laughed in my heart, but my face still had a cold expression and said: This is not good, I will be fat

He seemed at a loss to hand over it, nor was he not handing it over, but I snatched the chocolate from his hand and said: Thank you, Senior Brother

He was relieved at this time and said: Then, let's go in, I will teach you how to view this data model and how to improve it

I went in and sat down. After turning on the computer, he seemed to have become another person, focusing on professionalism and concentration. He explained to me the content of each data and where they could have better ideas. He provided ideas to me to think in this direction. But I was like listening to half of the heavenly book, and I understood a little but not completely. I could only occasionally look at his side face, but I didn't dare to stay, for fear that he would find clues.

So I went out with him and went out for a few personal training sessions. I finally understood the general situation of this mathematical model. However, every time my roommate Ajuan quipped when I returned to the dormitory: Have you gone to date?

I replied with a confused look: No Ah, I just go to do the training of the e-commerce competition

Ajuan looked at me with suspicion and said: Your expression tells me, you are either dating or on the way to dating. Something is wrong.

I took off my shoes and sat in my own position, picked up the chocolate given by Huan Jue last time and sucked in: Is there nothing wrong with me?

I saw you with my own eyes that time, and when I came back, I got a box of chocolate. Did someone give it to me?

I nodded and said: Yes, what's wrong

Ajuan said earnestly: As a person who has experienced it, I have photographed several times so far...

I interrupted her and said: How many times have you actually dragged it? That...

Sweet, she replied

I didn't understand what she was saying at the time, just listened to her fiddling with nail polish and continued: Your behavior now is like Chunxin Cute, but I guess neither of you has pierced that layer of paper. What I would like to remind you is that as a woman, you can't pierce that layer of paper, and you have to wait for the man to take the initiative. If you pierce, men don't know how to cherish it.

The more I listen, the less I feel, the less I feel like I'm driving?

I said: Not all this is right, right?

She said lightly: I thought so back then, but when that person finally broke up with me, he thought that I was pursuing him on his own initiative and was still content. I wanted to vomit when I think about that now.

I shouted at the chocolate in my mouth, as if the sweet chocolate also added a bitter taste: What if he never confessed?

From these days, we can see that Huan Jue is very dull when talking to him, and sometimes even stutters.

No, right? Why did I think of this? I obviously have nothing to do with him, it’s just a relationship between my senior brother and my junior sister.

Ajuan crossed her legs, stretched out her hand to look at her newly painted pink nails, and said slowly: That proves that he doesn't like you so much, so you don't have to think more about it. How could he not dare to say that if he really likes you?

But... I think Huan Joe may not really not criticize or confess, no, right, I have nothing to do with him

Don't, I think you are also a passive person, and you don't have to force yourself to take the initiative. There are so many people chasing you in our class and the next class, but I haven't seen you lose your composure like this. Remember, you have to stay steady and don't lose your composure. The more you lose your composure, the easier it is to make mistakes. Are you still a virgin? Be careful for the first time

Ajuan said it very well, but I can't refute it

During the next contact, I didn't know if I followed Ajuan's advice. I felt that Huan Juan seemed to be interested in me, and it seemed to be my own illusion. I couldn't figure it out or guess it, and I didn't dare to ask.

I only remember that one time we were in a group discussion, I happened to be late when I went out and came back. They were chatting in the classroom and just talked about what kind of girls Huan Jiao likes. My heart thumped, and I listened to them chatting quietly outside the door. I heard Huan Jiao say: I like pure little girls

Some friends were making a fuss, and then the topic quickly turned to another place. I quietly moved back and waited for about 5 minutes before deliberately making obvious high heels running sounds and opening the door and saying: Sorry, I'm late.

That group discussion was 11 o'clock in the evening. On the way down the teaching building and back to the dormitory, I accidentally stepped on the air and almost fell down. He put his arms around my waist and grabbed my hand

I thought there would be some story, but he didn't expect that he just helped me up and said stiffly: Is it okay?

I looked at his eyes, he flickered a little, and I avoided it, and said awkwardly: It's okay, thank you, senior brother

When I returned to the dormitory, I pouted and complained that I didn’t take the initiative to be a little ambiguous just now? Am I not innocent enough?

Until the game ended, we didn't go any further, and we were still an ordinary brother-sister relationship. I really felt that he was really interesting to me, but he never expressed it.

But after this competition, he brought me to participate in the literary knowledge competition, historical and cultural competition and marketing competition. After these three competitions, our familiarity reached a peak, but he still showed no sign of confession.

Could it be that I am self-indulgent?

It was soon summer vacation, and he and several senior brothers tried small-scale entrepreneurial attempts. Although he chatted occasionally with QQ, I could see that he was very busy. After all, there was no easy way to start a business.

But unexpectedly, on my birthday, I received a text message from Huan Jue: Happy birthday Jingxin, I wish you 18 years old every year. I am now trying to start a small-scale business with my friends. Where are you going to play during the summer vacation?

After I simply replied to him, he replied to me about starting a business. I really wanted to participate in talking with him, but I found that I no longer understand what he said.

The sophomore year starts, and Huan Jue is also in his senior year. I saw him appear in the library again. I asked him: Senior brother, how is your project there?

Huan Jue smiled self-deprecatingly: It's so yellow, it turns out that starting a business is really hard. I'm not going to work, but there's no hurry. There's still one year left, so I can think carefully about how to go in the future.

I made an encouragement gesture and said: Come on, Senior Brother, I believe you can do it!

In the following days, I always saw him in the library. He focused on a series of professional books. I usually don't bother him, but just occasionally ask him to join him when I have dinner.

One day he suddenly asked: Jingxin, when is your birthday?

I don't know why he asked me like that, I said: My summer birthday has been celebrated, and no classmates have ever celebrated my birthday with me since I was a child.

Huan Jue just lowered his head and said: It's a pity that this is...

I returned to the dormitory and asked Ajuan, who is rich in love knowledge, tentatively: Is this situation too much?

She had no activities today, and she listened to music alone in the dormitory. When she heard my words, she spread her hands and said: I heard you have been talking for so long, but he has not taken action. Either he is really hanging you, or he is a big wood, you can do it yourself. If you want to give it to him for the first time, go and send it to him.

I flew over to pat her face with a book: How could you say that

Lying on the bed, I was hesitating whether to take the initiative, but I had never been to procrastination. From high school to now, at least six or seven men have expressed their love to me. Why should I pursue a senior brother who doesn’t know his attitude?

I was stubborn and decided to ease myself first, maybe I would meet something better in the future?

After more than a month, I met him less often in the library. Every time I saw him, I asked him why he hadn't come to the library so frequently recently, so he said he wanted to discuss some things with his partners, and perhaps the postgraduate entrance examination is also a good choice.

My heart seemed to be bitten by a little bug. I couldn't lift it up and could not let it go. I found another senior sister and asked her if she knew if Huan Jue had dated. The senior sister looked at me in surprise and said: Don't you know? He, a coward, has never dared to confess to you!

I knew I was not unilaterally liked it. I hesitated for a long time. Finally, one afternoon in November, I didn’t have a class, and he happened to come to the library to read. While he was going to the bathroom, I wrote a small note that said: See you on the roof of the library after school

After I put this note on his book, I walked out of the library with a red face and went to the top floor of the library. There were more than 20 minutes left before school in the afternoon, and I kept adjusting my breathing

But I didn't expect that I waited for more than an hour and never waited for the person I wanted to see

When I returned to the library, I found that the book was motionless. The library cleaned up the desktop once a day. It happened to be two days. I thought he might have something to go out and didn't say hello, so I took back the note and prepared to put it next time.

I read absent-mindedly in the library and saw it at around 8 pm

Just as I went downstairs, I saw Huan Jue and a world where the club was older than me, coming back from outside the school with a smile and talking and laughing. I had never seen that smile before when he was chatting with me. It was a relaxed, pleasant and unrestrained smile.

Could it be a coincidence?

That's what I said to myself

But a few days later, I heard my senior sister dating

The day I learned the news, my nose was sour, I hid in the dormitory, covered with a quilt, and looked at the ceiling without any hesitation

There is no need to leave a note anymore. It turns out that it is just wishful thinking and self-indulgent

Since that incident, I have never sat in that position again when I went to the library. When I saw Huan Jue from afar, I deliberately avoided it.

He is a senior student and has long entered society with half his foot and ignored the community affairs. I also replied to his QQ greetings. Gradually, we have less interaction between us.

Starting from the second semester of my sophomore year, I accepted the pursuit of a classmate in the next class, but I understand that I just used him as a substitute to relieve my scars, so I have always been dating him with a guilty attitude towards him.

After all, I didn't plan to go to the end with him from the beginning, but I deceived myself into his feelings. I actually became a scumbag

However, during the relationship, I firmly decided to go shopping with my hands at most. After two months, I could not find the feeling of falling in love and finally broke up peacefully

For some reason, I became disliked to drink caramel milk tea. Instead, half-sugar milk tea with a slightly bitter taste attracted me more

I tried to eat spicy hot pot by myself, and found that the spicy flavor I had resisted was not unacceptable. I took a few more times and fell in love with this pleasure of crying and snot.

I rarely hear news about Huan Jue. Some say that I have succeeded in the postgraduate entrance examination, some say that I have entered a foreign company, and some say that I start my own business. I have never had the confidence to verify the answer, and there is no need to know how he is doing

When he graduated, he called on our club's junior brothers and sisters to take photos together. When he saw me, he still had the expression of wanting to speak but stopping. But I swallowed the sourness in my heart and said in the tone of the first meeting: Hello, Brother,

I saw him pursing his lips and said after a long time: Jingxin, long time no see

After saying these words, I felt like I had a kind of ease with all the past

Nothing happened to us, it was just a stupid exchange between two hanhans who dared not confess to each other during their two years of college.

After taking the graduation photo, Huan Jue and I had no contact again. He still sent a text message on my birthday, but it was different from last year: Happy Jingxin's birthday, I wish you sweetness and a happy life

I don't know who I am sweet and sweet. I'll reply to a wish to wish him and his senior sister a sweet and sweet

Although I occasionally remembered the sketches he drew when I first met in the library, it was all over, and I wanted to let him go

The junior year has begun without realizing it. I have also changed from a junior sister in the eyes of others to a retired teacher in the club. I seem to have grown up quickly in one summer vacation.

When I participated in the competition again, I couldn't find the person around me who could calmly analyze questions and answer questions for me. I became a person who was relied on by my junior brother and sister. The obscure model that was difficult to understand back then has been updated in my hands for several generations.

No matter what competition I participate in, I am one of the backbone. If they don’t understand anything, they will come back to ask me for advice. Sometimes I will hear Huan Jue’s name: Senior Sister Jingxin has participated in many competitions in the senior brother Huan Jue’s team, who is Huan Jue? The former vice president has won many competition awards, but now she seems to be starting a business.

I feel a little uncomfortable when I hear this, but it's just uncomfortable. I won't think about these past things

At that time, I was crazy about participating in competitions. I was really ruthless in winning the awards. If nothing unexpected happens, there will be no problem in ensuring the graduate school or other things.

At that time, I met Lao Ma. His name was Ma Shanbo, which had its own aging attributes. We have called him Lao Ma since we met him.

He is also a student of the same level as Guangwen University, but he studied science and engineering. We met in an entrepreneurial competition not long after the second semester of a junior high school. At that time, our project was the development and promotion of an intelligent system. The intelligent system could only be achieved by looking for students in science and engineering.

At that time, two of my friends were also in the club, a couple, Ajie and Ahui. They found Lao Ma from the same school, and he agreed on the spot. It was not until after getting married that he knew that his partner showed him my photos at that time.

Lao Ma is actually as funny as Huan Jue, but sometimes not everyone can understand his science and engineering memes, and he has taken many photos before he met me, and he is known as the Neptune in the academy.

However, his technical level is at the forefront of the academy, and what he is familiar with is the intelligent system. In the early 21st century, he said that intelligent systems are a relatively advanced concept. After meeting Lao Ma, he said with certainty that the next one will be an era of intelligence. He doesn’t want to get a big head, but just drink some soup to live a very beautiful life.

His bold statement reminded me of Huan Jue's original enthusiasm. I wonder how he is now starting a business?

I left a message on QQ asking how his senior brother is doing now. He replied to me a few days later: Hello Jingxin Ah, I am working on a project with my friends now, and I am going to save some time to come back to have a meal?

I hesitated for a long time before I typed a good word on the keyboard

This entrepreneurial competition lasted for 3 months from school to national competition, accounting for almost half of the semester. We started from March to mid-June. While we had to study and participate, I was really tired. I had the idea of ​​giving up several times.

But every time I feel depressed, Lao Ma will find timely comfort me

All his actions touched me very much. Just when I thought I was about to be moved, I actually saw the scene when Huan Jue and his senior sister returned to school when they were approaching the national competition.

But this time I mustered up the courage and followed him secretly until I went to the cafeteria. I sat in the corner and saw them behave intimately. Even the girl even beat Lao Ma's arm

I smiled bitterly, it turned out that I was thinking too much again

From then on, I kept a certain distance from Lao Ma’s concern for her. When the competition ended, we won the second prize in the national competition. I relaxed when the summer vacation was over.

When I got home, I didn't have to think about the complicated things like Huan Jue Lao Ma. I was finally able to buy my favorite figures with my scholarship.

But I didn’t expect that when I went home this time, my parents asked the first thing I asked was: Have you been dating in college?

I quickly denied it. I thought this time was the same as usual, but what I didn't expect was my mother saying: You are in your junior year and will graduate next year. If you meet someone you like in college, you can try dating.

This change is too fast! There is no room for anyone at all. I clearly remember that when they came back from winter vacation, they said there was no hurry. You are still young, why did you suddenly say this when you were over in junior year?

Just when I was confused, my dad said: We are not well educated. Your mother is in high school and I am in college. I can’t tell any big truth. I know you will be a little difficult to accept for a while. We have always said that we should study hard and not procrastinate. But recently we have seen it when watching TV. We have discussed and discussed it. You are also preparing to graduate. If you find a good boy in college, it is okay to be brave.

I didn't say a word, just nodded, went back to the room and locked the door, but tears fell involuntarily. If I had told me a year earlier, would I be braver?

What appeared in my mind was Huan Jue's face

Is it still too late now? He seemed to say he asked me to have a meal?

A few days after I got home, I received a notice from the entrepreneurial competition team that a company invested in our project. Are we interested in participating in the internship?

This is a good opportunity, but I don’t know how to face Lao Ma. After thinking for a long time, Lao Ma and I have no emotional entanglement, so I finally decided to participate in this internship

Unexpectedly, I had to go out after less than a week after I got home. Fortunately, I received the support of my parents, and my younger sister even said that I would also go to Guangwen University to be my junior in the college entrance examination next year.

Returning to Guangwen City again, when I saw Lao Ma, he was as enthusiastic as usual, and I couldn't stand it coldly

During my half-month time with the team, I heard from my friend Ahui that Lao Ma had broken up before. I asked curiously when he was dating. Ahui said: He dating very often, the last time was probably after the exam, but there was one thing he said right, he was very dedicated, and he would not step on two boats when dating.

So that's it. It seems that his central air conditioner had just accidentally warmed him. Fortunately, he didn't think too much.

July 26th, tomorrow is my birthday, and our internship has one month left. Ahui said to me at noon that day: Jingxin, tomorrow your birthday, we will go out for dinner and sing K tomorrow night. OK?

How do you know my birthday?

I'm very curious. If it weren't for those days that were easy to remember, such as April Fool's Day Teacher's Day, I wouldn't be able to remember who was on which birthday.

Lao Ma told me that he had recorded all his birthday in his team. Ah Hui said

Is this how central air conditioning is made?

My birthday is summer vacation. Over the years, only my family members have eaten birthday cakes with me. This is the first time I have eaten cakes with my classmates.

On the morning of my birthday, I received a text message from Huan Jue: Happy birthday Jingxin, are you ready to go where to go today?

My lonely heart lit a match instantly, but it was blown out by me immediately. I have been putting it down for so long. This is just an ordinary greeting.

I politely answered: Thank you, senior brother, I went to dinner with my internship today and sang K.

He replied in less than a minute: I wish you a good time, but unfortunately I will be on a business trip in a few days, otherwise I will have a meal with you.

I replied: Yes, I wish my senior brother a smooth business trip

After today's work, they found a restaurant where birthday boys are free for free. After we ate until 10 o'clock, we immediately switched to sing K. Due to our internship nature and free holiday arrangements, our entire team invited tomorrow's holidays, so we could sing all night long.

It’s not like this for so long? Over the past few years, I have been playing games. What am I doing? Have I thought carefully about how I will live my life in the future?

Should I take the postgraduate entrance examination, or should I go to a large enterprise, or start a business like Huanshuo?

It seems that I have no plans for my future

After today, I am already 21 years old. I have graduated and entered society today or are preparing to study for graduate school.

I'm so annoyed!

At this time, Ahui handed over a can of beer and said to me: Have you ever drunk wine?

I shook my head. I've touched this thing before, but I spit it out after taking a sip. I really don't know what's good to drink.

You are preparing to be a senior and come out to work in society. Sometimes you may really need to drink a little. Remember to be clear about your bottom line and don’t get drunk. Ah Hui forced the beer into my hands.

I looked at the can of foaming beer in my hand, and plucked up the courage to drink it all in one go

This smell is indeed unpleasant, but it is not as unacceptable as I imagined. When I drank the whole can like swallowing water, before I could react, my palms bulged around me: Jingxin is amazing! I actually blew a can!

I waved my hand quickly and said: I can't do it

After I finished saying this, I continued to sing with them, but I never ate or drank again, because after drinking for about twenty minutes, I felt a little overwhelmed in my stomach. After enduring it for ten minutes, I rushed into the toilet and vomited

When I came out, Lao Ma said: Jingxin, you haven’t drunk alcohol before and swallowed it in one can. You can try it slowly. Don’t force it if you don’t like it.

I smiled and said: It's okay, Ah Hui said just now that you have to learn to drink when you come out of society. I just wanted to try my best.

This is not how you try your best, it is revealed bit by bit. I'll buy some medicine for you. If you vomit like this, it's not good for your stomach. Lao Ma said in a whisper.

I waved my hand and refused his kindness. I felt that my face must be very red, and I was very hot and hot.

Lao Ma covered his long-sleeved clothes on me and asked: Do you want to go back to the dormitory first? Ahui and I will take you back?

I said: No need, it’s rare to come out and play once, I just need to lie down. Seeing the thin clothes on my body, I wondered, "How come you have long-sleeved clothes when it’s so hot in summer?"

I knew that I came out to sing K today, and it might be cold indoors, so I brought an extra piece of clothing. I washed it and had never worn it. I just took it out of my backpack. You can go to the corner over there and lie down.

Lao Ma helped me walk to the side and lay down

I lay comfortably on the sofa in the corner, but I didn't expect that I could still fall asleep in such a noisy environment. When they woke me up, it was over.

In the next internship, Lao Ma was much more enthusiastic towards me than before. I was not blind. Of course I knew that he was pursuing me. He was good, but I really didn't dare to accept his fickleness. I was afraid that I would go to bed with him and would dump me in a few days.

I called Ajuan to seek help from the field, and I roughly explained the situation. She said: Huan Juan has been graduating for a year. If he chased you, he would have chased you long ago. But you, if you really want to chase him, you should take the initiative to click Ah. When it comes to freshman year and senior year, the TV series is not as procrastinated as you. Your current mentality is to add a filter to him and package it into a white moonlight that does not exist in reality. You infinitely amplify his goodness. Because you can't get it, you add all the beautiful qualities you imagine to him.

I was speechless by her, but before I could answer, she continued: If you ask me how Lao Ma is, I heard what you said before, I think he is not bad either, but I have never contacted him. Some people are not fickle. He will be very dedicated during love, but after the passion, the enthusiasm fades away. This doesn't like you, and he can break up with you in a thousand and one way, which does not affect his loyalty. He really doesn't step on two boats. I heard you say that his situation is a bit like this, but I'm just a personal opinion, just listen to it.

Actually, what Ajuan is talking about is what I am worried about. I still keep my first time so far, and I don’t necessarily say that I want to give it to my future husband. Who can tell me this kind of thing? Some people will get divorced after getting married.

I just don't want to give someone who can't be guaranteed to be together in the future. At least at that moment, I will decide that he is my life.

After chatting with the phone, I actually just listened to my own voice through other people's mouths. After thinking for a long time, I decided to observe Lao Ma. His personality is actually quite pleasing, but this fickleness scares me.

Thinking of this, I feel that my behavior seems to be hanging on others. When did I become so bad?

During the internship, I felt that my friends around me intentionally or unintentionally gave up space for us to get along with each other. I don’t know whether they were voluntarily or Lao Ma reached a consensus with them in private. Fortunately, the internship for more than a month has finally ended.

When I got home, it was over in August. My sister has already started high school in her third year and was empty and boring at home during the day. I remember Lao Ma’s every move over the past period of time. She is really gentle.

Is he really here? Or is he treating me as a prey?

I can't see through such people, and I don't want to fall in love like gambling. I'm still one year away from graduation, and I don't see anyone after graduation like Huan Jue.

Why did I think of him again?

Don't want to, don't want to, don't want to...

The school starts a week later in the senior year and will not officially start on September 11th

Friends of the entrepreneurial competition said that this summer vacation may be the last week of most people's last summer vacation. It's better to go out and leave a good memory for yourself.

We discussed going to a characteristic ancient town in the province that is not too far from Guangwen City. It was just a three-day trip. From the 8th to the 10th, we could go directly to school on the 10th.

The small bridge and flowing water in the town are quite lively. It was already afternoon when we arrived. Our team of four men and two women. When we went to the hotel to check in, Ahui and Ajie opened a room, and the other two men's room. Lao Ma and I were single.

We took a break and went out for a walk and had dinner. After that, we went back to the hotel and started playing games. In fact, there was no activity, it was just playing cards. Not long after, I was sleepy and went back to my room to sleep

I had a hard time falling asleep that day. What I remembered was that when I was chatting with Huan Jue a year ago, I once said that I would go there after the competition. I didn’t expect that after the competition, he would go out to do projects with his friends, and then this happened.

When I fell asleep and woke up again, it was already past 10 o'clock in the morning. I woke up the others and found out that they actually played cards and chatted until 4 o'clock yesterday. They were still gossiping about my relationship.

They didn't know Huan Jue, they only knew Lao Ma, so they said Lao Ma was pretty good and asked me if I wanted to try it?

I was smiling awkwardly and looked at Lao Ma with a squinted look, but I saw that his eyes were staring at me affectionately.

This aggressive look made me immediately avoid his gaze

After lunch, we wandered around the town, and there were some attractions like small hills and temples nearby. We visited for an afternoon, and when we returned to the center of the town, it was already past 6 o'clock.

So we went to a riverside bar to have a meal and chat

They were having a lot of chatting, but the more lively it was, the more lonely I was compared to myself

I was always absent-minded during the day of my trip today, and I kept assuming what would happen if I came with Huan Jue?

I thought too deeply, and I shook my head. Why do I keep thinking about Huanjue in my heart? These are stories from the past. Now I shouldn’t be addicted to the past that has become memories. Shouldn’t I think about whether Lao Ma is suitable?

But I really want to try Ah with Huan Jue?

I was watching the gurgling water in the bar. The white moonlight seemed to be brighter and brighter. I bit my lower lip and thoughts were endless. The warm atmosphere of my friends became increasingly irrelevant to me.

I mustered up the courage to pick up my phone and enter the information on it and delete it. I don’t know what to send. After I deleted and reduced it, I finally sent a message to Huanjue: Hello, senior brother, are you back this year’s anniversary celebration?

I decided to confess to him when I celebrated my anniversary. I said that no matter what kind of woman I took the initiative to lose the price, I now regret my hesitant attitude. Whether he had any result with him or not is a matter of the future. Now I just want him and I to end without starting.

The text message was quickly replied, Huan Jue wrote: Go back, Jingxin, are you going too? I haven't seen you for a long time, I want to talk to you about some things

After receiving this text message, I seemed to relax. I actually felt the excitement of having successfully confessed. The haze in my heart disappeared and I couldn't help but smile on my lips.

Friends noticed my change, and Ahui asked quickly: What's wrong with Jingxin?

I had a few twists in my mind and didn't want them to know about this, so I said: It's okay, my dad said he's promoted, so I'm going to work harder

Then congratulations to uncle! Congratulations to Jingxin! Cheers! They raised the beer in their hands, and I happily drank the alcohol that I hadn't touched for a long time.

I still remember what Lao Ma said, don't drink too quickly. I happily drank four cans slowly, and I felt a little uncomfortable. I saw that the ceiling on the top was full of circles and the lights were also filled with several heavy shadows.

So I leaned on the chair and watched them chat happily. I saw Lao Ma talking to them excitedly, and then drank beer in big mouthfuls.

I don’t know how long it took, but when I saw that they seemed a little drunk, I cheered up and said: Why don’t we go back?

Ah Hui is the most sober person among them. She told me: I'll give you money, they are only 70% drunk, and they can still go back to the hotel, not far a few hundred meters.

After Ahui finished giving the money, I stood up and prepared to leave, but almost fell to the ground. Lao Ma quickly supported me. I realized that his hand seemed to be on my chest, but he did not let go, but rubbed my chest a few times.

I was a little angry, but for some reason, I gasped. When Lao Ma saw Ah Hui coming back, he moved his hand back to his waist and asked Ah Hui to support me

Ah Hui helped me walk behind, and the four boys in front lined up like football teams, and returned to the hotel in a mighty manner.

The two men on the list returned to the room first, and then Ahui sent me back to her boyfriend and went back to her room. Lao Ma's room was opposite me. When I was about to close the door, Lao Ma pushed the door with a palm.

I was very drunk at that time, and I was overturned by this door when I was unstable.

Old Ma staggered over and wanted to pull me up. He was drunk and picked me up after I fell to the ground, but after walking a few steps, he threw me on the bed.

I don't know if he was exhausted or was throwing me into bed on purpose. He took off my shoes and turned around and left in the door. I thought he had left, so I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

After a while, I felt itchy on my body. I suspected that there were mosquitoes and other bites at night. I twisted for a while and then continued to sleep.

Suddenly a stinging pain woke me up. I opened my eyes with difficulty, but found that Lao Ma was already naked and supported me.

I originally thought he was going to walk out of the room, but I didn't expect that he just closed the door and waited for me to fall asleep?

I was a little awake at this moment, shook my head and asked: Lao Ma, what's wrong with you?

Seeing that I was half awake, Lao Ma immediately buried his head on my neck, and blew a strong smell of alcohol in my ear and said: Jingxin, I love you

The tingling pain in my lower body made me feel uneasy. The pleasure I had just drunk was gone. The wine immediately woke up a little, and my hands wanted to push him away: Lao Ma, you... I'm going to rest, can you go out?

Unexpectedly, Lao Ma grabbed my hands and pressed on the bed, talking to himself almost like a madman: Jingxin, you know I like you. I was not sure about my heart before, but a while ago, I found that I really like you. I can no longer tolerate others in my eyes. Whether I eat, sleep, or study, I think of your eyes and smiles.

At this time, I felt something in the bucket into my lower body. I looked down in surprise and found that my lower body was naked and my pussy had been inserted into the entire piece of Lao Ma's cock!

Humiliation and fear surged into my heart, and tears came out involuntarily: Lao Ma, why did you treat me like this?

Jingxin, I really like you. For you, I can give up everyone else. Can you be with me? Lao Ma's legs pressed against me, and I couldn't move my whole body

Help... Um... I don't care whether he is Lao Ma or not. I let go of my throat and call for help. He covered my mouth with one hand, and the tearing feeling of his lower body being inserted into me made me cry like rain

Half is pain, half is hatred, Lao Ma inserted it directly without any warning, I confessed to Huanjue before, and the picture with Huanjue was broken

I'm no longer a pure girl. My first time I was ambushed by Lao Ma like this

All my dreams were broken by this drunk old horse on my body. He pressed my body, his lower body was in and out violently. The smell of alcohol exhaled from his mouth was sprayed directly on my face. I knew that no matter what, I could not change the fact that I was raped by her. I could only let tears flow and no sound in my mouth.

Seeing that I didn't say anything, Lao Ma tentatively let go of his hand. I really stopped asking for help, just stared at him. I really liked him a little, but it didn't mean he could rape me with drunkenness.

Lao Ma no longer violently pressed me on the bed, his hands were on the bed, his penis kept coming in and out, and my blood was slowly seeping out, flowing from the hole to the bed

Jingxin, your first time is mine, you are my person, I will love you very well. Lao Ma kissed my neck and said

I let him ask for a kiss on me, and the pain in my lower body began to fade away, and a numb feeling surged, but I couldn't moan, I could only grit my teeth and remained motionless like a puppet

Lao Ma put his hand on my chest, he unbuttoned the short-sleeved shirt I was wearing today, revealing the white bra inside. He lifted the bra directly upwards, one side of my breasts was rubbed by his hands, he lowered his head and sucked the pink cherry on the other side of me.

I closed my eyes and didn't want to face this scene again. This shouldn't be him. Even Lao Ma should be the one who failed to confess his love in two days. After completely losing my thoughts about Huan Jue, I will fall in love with Lao Ma slowly. This is a natural thing.

But why did Lao Ma do this?

Does he want to take my first time while he likes me? Doesn’t he need my consent?

Is this the difference between a battle-hardened person and a person who hasn't had many dating experiences?

Should I call him a warning about rape?

My virginity as a 20-year-old person was taken away by him. Does Huan Chon dislike a girl like me who is no longer pure?

I numbly endured Lao Ma's thrust. Several times I was pushed by his cock so hard that I almost couldn't help but scream, but I firmly refused to make a sound.

Lao Ma used a position to move on me for more than half an hour. Finally, he pressed his whole body against me, and his cock hit the end of my vagina. I felt his twitching, and his cock should have ejaculated the semen into my body.

I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling with my eyes blankly. I calmed down for a long time and finally couldn't help it and started crying loudly.

Lao Ma was awakened by my crying. He immediately pulled out the cock inside my vagina, walked out of the bed and knelt on the ground and said: Sorry Jingxin, I... I'm drunk too much. When I sent you into the room just now, I was impulsive and I will take responsibility. I... sorry... I will treat you well. I'm okay, can you be my girlfriend?

I sat up and leaned against the head of the bed, pulled up the quilt thrown on the ground and wrapped around my body. Seeing the bright red blood on the bed sheet, all my grievances surged into my heart: Why do you treat me like this? I just have a little bit of a favor with you, why do you rape me? I... I...

I don't know if I'm soft-hearted or don't want to make things public, but I can't say the word "calling the police"

Jingxin Sorry, I'm a sperm on my brain, I took you for the first time, I... He can no longer say any words to apologize, he can only kowtow on the floor

I sneered: Are you all forcing women to force them to be girlfriends like this?

Lao Ma leaned on the ground and said: No, no, only you, I admit that I was drunk for a moment, but I really want to pursue you, I don’t want to lose you, I want to be with you, I’m afraid that I will not take the initiative, you are someone else’s woman

I felt infinite sourness in my heart. Unexpectedly, the two of them were not proactive and actually helped the active old horse.

I kicked Lao Ma on the shoulder. Lao Ma, who was unprepared, was pushed to the ground by me, and his head hit the foot of the chair in the room. He touched his head, with a little blood on his palm, but he ignored it and knelt on the ground again to beg for my forgiveness

He is afraid that I will call the police, right? Instead of seeking my forgiveness?

I won't call the police, get out, I said coldly

Lao Ma still knelt on the ground without moving. He said: It would be fine if you really want to call the police. I was really doing something wrong. I really like you so I did this kind of thing. Can you give me a chance to try it?

Haven't you tried it? Are you feeling comfortable? I have never said such a cold word in my life. I am not the kind of person who can speak eloquently, and all I can say is limited to this.

Lao Ma raised his head and said: Jingxin, you are different from the girls I met. You are innocent and cheerful, quiet and gentle. I really want to be with you. Can you give me a chance?

I poked my body out and slapped him with the ground. The sound was clear and my palm hurt. Lao Ma said: If you shave, I can relieve my breath, you can scrape it as much as possible.

I don't want to tell him this question here, I retracted and said: Don't quarrel with me, I'm tired, you go

Lao Ma stood up and put on the clothes placed on the chair. He walked to the door silently, but turned back and said: I...

He couldn't speak, so he could only close the door and leave

After he left the room, I pulled the quilt open and saw the bright red marks on the bed sheet. I pressed it down, and the semen mixed with blood flowed out of my vagina. I saw the dazzling marks and immediately rushed to the shower room to take a shower. When I got out of bed, I felt my legs were weak and I couldn't walk. Every time I took it, my lower body seemed to be scraped by a knife.

I walked to the shower with difficulty and washed the filth in my lower body with hot water. As I washed, I squatted down and hugged my head and cried. I was actually caught by Lao Ma. I chose not to call the police. Am I doing it right or wrong?

Why did I just feel like I had to take the initiative to confess my love and let me break my head? Does God think we are not possible?

It's really ridiculous

I don't know how long I cried, but I found that my skin was white and wrinkled. I stood up and wiped my body dry, walked back to the bed and covered it with a quilt, then widened my eyes and looked at the ceiling in a dawn.

I packed up my stuff like a robot and prepared to go back to school. Before closing the door, I looked at the bright red blood on the bed, and my fists couldn't help but clenched and loosened.

After resting for a few hours, it didn't hurt that walking, but I could only keep a small step to walk to the hotel front desk, hoping that everyone wouldn't see anything unusual

When I saw everyone chatting on the sofa, only Lao Ma was sitting on the armrest of the sofa with his backpack on his backpack. When he saw me coming out, he immediately walked over when he saw me coming out.

I ignored him and tried to make an expression with everyone that nothing happened. When checking out, the service industry told me that the bed sheets were dirty and needed a cleaning fee of 200 yuan. When I was about to take out my wallet, Lao Ma stepped forward to pay me the 200 yuan.

Ah Hui discovered this small detail and she pulled me to the side: What happened to you yesterday? Why is there a bed sheet cleaning fee? Why was Lao Ma who gave it to you for help?

I had no choice but to make up and say: My aunt forgot to bring a scarf, what does Lao Ma want to show off have to do with me?

Are you a little different? Ah Hui stared at me and said

You seem to be indifferent to Lao Ma. Did he make you dissatisfied? Ah Hui tentatively said

I don't want to joke now, but I'm embarrassed to leave directly, so I can only say awkwardly: What are you talking about? He wants to chase me, and it's normal for me to give money. Last night, he sent me back to his room and was a little bad for me. I slapped him with a slap.

Oh, no wonder he looked red in his face, but he was pretty good, funny, wouldn't he try? Ah Hui lobbyed

I really doubt that you have been bribed by him, how can you help him say good things? I frowned

Actually, I don’t know what you are thinking, but Senior Brother Huanjue has graduated for 1 year. I think you and him are both passive people. Is it really possible for you?

A Hui suddenly said something

As a person in the club, you may more or less know the awkward emotional relationship between Huan Jiao and me, but Ah Hui was the first to say it. I quickly denied: What are you talking about? What's wrong with me and Senior Brother Huan Jiao?

I have known for a long time that you like Senior Brother Huanjue, but I think Lao Ma and Senior Brother Huanjue are similar in appearance, body, speech and behavior. Senior Brother Huanjue is a recognized love idiot. If Lao Ma takes the initiative to pursue you, can't you give him a chance?

Ah Hui said

She made some sense, but she didn't know what Lao Ma did to me last night. I shook my head and said: Why are you and him saying these things?

Ah Hui widened her eyes: Could it be that he confessed his love last night and was then slapped out by you?

Almost this scene

Is it necessary? Lao Ma is not bad, but his criminal record is really not very good, you don’t have to be so heartless, right? A Hui shook her head and expressed her confusion

You don’t know many things anymore, Lao Ma... I looked at Lao Ma who was staring at A Hui and me in the distance, I don’t know... Do I have a chance with him?

If you are willing to give him, he will have a chance. Now it depends mainly on you

Ah Hui hugged me, I said so much. Actually, Lao Ma is really good. We friends can see everything he has done for you since the game. Think about it carefully

After we left the town, we went back to school directly. There were not many people on the bus. I sat in one seat all the way, and Lao Ma sat in the aisle on the other side of me. I wanted to talk to me several times, but I stared at him lightly, and he swallowed the words back

After returning to school, I bought bread and went back to the dormitory. Everyone in the dormitory came back, but Ajuan was there herself and everyone else went out.

After I opened the door and went in to sort out the things, Ajuan said in confusion: Jingxin, you seem to be a little different?

What's different about me? I think I didn't show any strange things after I returned to the dormitory.

I found that your pace after you came back was a little strange, as if you were accommodated, just like me... it was like I was after I was broken.

I was frightened by Ajuan's divine observation power, and I didn't expect that she could detect it. I pretended to be confused and said: What? I just accidentally injured my leg and haven't healed yet, so I may be a little cautious when walking.

Oh, so that's it. Ajuan didn't worry about this topic. After all, he didn't know what happened.

I went to bed and pulled the curtains, laying on the bed blankly, my thoughts were floating endlessly, thinking that I was broken like this, I felt extremely disappointed. The first time it shouldn't be like this. In my heart, the first time it should be that the two people were in love. Everything was natural. The first time it was combined in the bed with a blend of harmony.

But it was ruined by Lao Ma

Do you hate him?

Hate, but think about it carefully, if I fail to confess my love to Huan Jue tomorrow, will I gradually accept Lao Ma’s pursuit?

I couldn't help but slap myself twice. Why did it seem like Stockholm syndrome defend Lao Ma's criminal behavior?

Jingxin What are you doing? How did I hear you shaving your face? Ajuan shouted below

It's okay, I hit the mosquito, I can respond casually

Will I go to tomorrow's anniversary? I want to back down

Huan Jue happened to send a text message: Jingxin, will you attend tomorrow's anniversary celebration? I may be a little late when I come back tomorrow afternoon.

I raised my phone and wanted to say I won't go, but I thought about it for a long time and should not break my original promise.

The next afternoon, the anniversary celebration began. The club's students booked a tea party and dinner in the hotel lobby, and several rooms were reserved upstairs.

I arrived at the scene at around 4 o'clock. As a senior sister in my senior year, I participated in many competitions. I also won awards in the national competition last semester. Many junior sisters came to learn from me.

I also got into the role of senior sister and taught them some competition experience. As I was talking, it was almost 7 o'clock for supper time.

I looked at the empty seat on the main table, which should be Huan Jue. Ten minutes before preparing to serve, Huan Jue rushed over. He was wearing a formal outfit, holding a briefcase, greeting everyone and then took the seat

I saw him looking around. When he saw me, our eyes were intertwined, and I flashed and avoided. When I saw him, my eyes were still staring at me with a torch as I saw him.

But before he could wait for him, the dinner began. Everyone was immersed in the joy of the club's anniversary celebration. I remained silent since he came in, just simply expressed my agreement or suggestions for the speeches of my junior brother and sister.

When the dinner was about to end, Huan Jue walked over with a blushing face and asked: Jingxin, can you come out?

A heat surged in my heart, but the scene of Lao Ma galloping on me the night before yesterday appeared and instantly appeared in my mind, which made me feel cold.

When we walked outside the hall, Huan Jue said in a lost tone: Jingxin, congratulations Ah

I don't understand what happened to him, so I gave him a question mark and doubtful expression.

I heard that you were dating, it was a classmate of the same level as you, I...congratulations. After that, he reached out to shake hands with me. Before I could react, he retreated with a smile.

I wanted to reject him, but what happened? Who said I was dating?

I looked at the people on the field and saw Ah Hui's figure. I walked over and invited her out

You told Senior Brother Huanjue that I was dating? I asked with a angrily voice.

Ahui said with a confused look on her face: I haven't told Senior Brother Huanjue Ah? I just told Senior Brother Wei about your emotional problems in the afternoon. I said Lao Ma has been very close to you recently.

You... Forget it, I don't know if Ah Hui said this to Senior Brother Wei, who did Senior Brother Wei say it to, and then it would be my dating after passing it a few times.

But it's good that Huanjue gave up on me. Now I really don't have the courage to be with him. I can't imagine whether he would show contempt when he knew that I was pure in his eyes, who was not a virgin.

This society has developed very quickly, but I don’t know if he has this plot. As long as I don’t invest in my feelings, there will be no knots in his heart. It’s better to keep this campus ambiguity in my heart.

I also thought about what if I meet another person I like in the future but he cares about it?

Then I can only find one more

But Huanjue can't, I don't want to start this

I've become a scumbag too

Then I went back to my seat, and I looked at the red wine on the table, and I also toasted with my junior brothers and sisters. Isn’t these loves and loves on campus the most normal thing?

I saw that the main table was drinking white wine. I don’t know which senior brother brought the wine. Senior Brother Huanjue was abnormal and drank it generously and drank it again and again.

Seeing this, I also had a few more cups with my junior siblings.

At around nine o'clock, the students went to the second half to sing K. The senior brothers who graduated and had no dormitory spent the night in the room we reserved.

I was in a bad mood today, and I was a little drunk after drinking, and I didn't have the interest to sing K with them. But when I saw Huan Jue who was already drunk and lying on a chair, a sad feeling arose in my heart when I saw Huan Jue who was already drunk and lying on a chair.

I asked two sophomore junior brothers to carry him to the room. When they entered the room, I told them to go back first, I will take care of my senior brother and go back.

They didn't know what happened to Huan Jue and me, so they said goodbye to me and went to sing K

I closed the door and added the anti-theft lock. I approached Huan Jue who was lying in bed unconscious. For some reason, my heart hurts more and more every step I take. In just ten steps, my face was already full of tears.

I kept wiping the tears that were flowing with my arms, and my nose was flowing down again. I ended up sitting helplessly on the chair in the room and crying helplessly.

He thought I was dating, wasn't this the best ending? Why am I still so sad?

I looked at his face without any stubborn hair, and his obviously well-tended hairstyle. I wonder what he wanted to say to me tonight?

Is it a confession?

If I haven't been banned by Lao Ma, even if I hear his congratulations, I will immediately refute him and say that I have no dating.

That should be true

So next, is it him confession or me? Or is it my wishful thinking, but in fact he didn't plan to confess his love?

This doesn't matter. His status now says everything. If he doesn't confess, I will muster up the courage to confess to him.

But why did Lao Ma want to cut off all this possibility?

I'm not willing to give up

Looking at Huan Jue lying on the bed, I remembered that the night before yesterday, I was unconscious in bed and was taken first by Lao Ma.

Since I haven't had the first time, can I not care about this second time?

Thinking of this, I felt my cheeks turn red. I touched my face. It must be because I drank too much and it was too hot.

Thinking of this, I quietly approached Huan Jue. I tentatively called his name a few times, but he didn't react. I shook his body again, and he showed no sign of waking up.

I slowly lay on his side, looking at his calm breath and red face, and exhaling a breath full of alcohol, but I didn't have a trace of fear or anxiety.

I trembled and touched his face with my hands, and kept touching my neck, chest, and belly. He was busy with his career and still had a strong figure.

Do I want to continue? I asked myself in my heart

I've reached this point, are there any reason to retreat? I'll answer myself

I bit my lower lip, held the man's belt for the first time with both hands, and quietly untied it. I pulled down his pants chain, carried his pants down, but he was so heavy that he could not take off his butt. I was afraid of waking him up, so I could only move his pants away bit by bit

I didn't expect that I was still a virgin the day before yesterday and I was like a pervert to do these things. My shame made me want to give up, but I was competitive and didn't want me to leave like this.

When I took off his trousers, he was wearing only underwear, making me blush and unable to bear to look at him.

The night before yesterday, I didn't pay attention to Lao Ma's cock at all. At that time, I could only pray to him to end my pain soon. At this time, I looked directly at the man's lower body for the first time. Although I was still passing through my underwear, my heart was already beating.

When I took off his panties in the same way, his cock appeared in front of me

It turned out that the man's cock was like this before he was erect, like a big caterpillar. Today I was wearing a loose pink dress. I gritted my teeth and took off my underwear, thinking that I could just sit on it like this?

No, the men in the movies need to get an erection before they can get in. How can he do that so soft?

So what should I do?

How should men get an erection?

When I recalled the Japanese movies I had watched, I seemed to want to... help him with my hands?

Too shy, I...

But I was going to do pervert while he was sleeping, what was my hand

I mustered up the courage to touch his cock with both hands, which was so hot that it was warm. Suddenly, his cock shook and made me immediately retract my palm, thinking he had woken up

I looked at his face and found that he was still sleeping tightly. I held his cock again, but what should I do after holding it? I touched the insect like playing with a toy

It turned out that the man's cock was black, it turned out that the glans looked like this, and I squeezed his cock and shook it, and my curiosity was fully satisfied.

However, he still came softly. Is it because he is drunk that he cannot get an erection? I once heard that drunk people are more difficult to get hard

I looked at his cock and remembered again the girls in the movies before seemed to like oral sex to men. I thought I could try it

In fact, I have never been as cold as I show up with sex. I also like to watch movies secretly, but because I have no object, I have been in the theoretical stage for a long time.

I licked my mouth and had a few minutes of struggling with my mind. I was forced to have sex for the first time. I was always ready to have the first time oral sex for myself.

I turned my head over his cock in fear. A fishy smell made me almost give up, but there was a little excitement deep in my heart that followed.

Am I actually a lewd woman?

I asked myself this way, maybe, otherwise I wouldn't take the initiative to have sex while the person I like is drunk

After I didn't care about labeling myself like this, I seemed to have less resistance.

I leaned closer to his cock again, stuck out my tongue and touched his glans. I felt a chill rushing from the soles of my feet to the top of my head. The stimulation of the first time I tried the forbidden fruit was officially revealed now.

I lowered my head and opened my mouth, plucked up the courage to take a deep breath, and put the entire penis in one mouthful.

When I took the whole piece, I found that it was not as fishy as it was at the beginning. This touch was a bit like a popsicle, and a bit like a pudding. It was soft and tough, very delicate.

After holding it in my mouth, I recalled the novel I had read before. It seemed that I wanted to use the tip of my tongue to stimulate the glans. I tried to touch it with my tongue and found that his glans had begun to feel hard.

Then I realized that his cock had begun to press against the depths of my mouth, and he became hard

I spit out his cock and saw that the cock had started to rise, so I began to hold his cock in his mouth like a movie, and began to suck up and down.

The more I sucked and spit, the more I felt his cock was firm. I thought it was time, so I took off my dress and bra and looked at the sleeping man in front of me, feeling mixed feelings in my heart.

I thought I had a romantic beginning with him and would write a poetic future today. I didn’t expect that we would part, and I didn’t expect that I would be so lewd and would automatically sacrifice myself when he was unconscious.

Just think of it as a sign that will be written for youth. You have to face society in your senior year. If you are admitted to the postgraduate degree, I believe I will have a very advantage. Even if you are looking for a job, it should not be difficult for me to find a foreign or state-owned enterprise. After all, these companies are the most popular now.

It was clearly at this stage, and I was still thinking randomly. I interrupted my thoughts of letting go, knelt on her, held his cock with my hand, aimed it at the entrance of my hole, and I slowly sat down

When his glans touched my hole, I subconsciously bounced up and then continued to sit down after I recovered.

it hurts……

Why did his cock hurt as much as when he inserted it two days ago when Lao Ma fucked me? I still felt like I was stabbed by a gun below

I gritted my teeth and looked at Huan Jue, supported my hands beside him, looked down, and found that I had just entered halfway. I exhale again and pressed my body down with force

It still hurts...

Huan Jue's penis had completely entered my body. The fullness of the hot stick filled my vagina made me feel the sexual excitement of sex.

Very sour and comfortable

I sat on him and shook it. The pleasure of being pounded by a stick made me moan out of moaning.

After I got used to his cock, I sat up and started to move up and down. Whenever I got up, only his glans was left in my hole, I sat down one after another, letting his cock push directly into the depths of my pain and stimulation made me forget that he was a drunk man

The refreshing sex made me start to moan on my own. It turns out that sex is so comfortable. I started to hold my chest and my lower body is still exercising hard.

His cock went in and out of my hole, and I felt like I was going to feel like I was going to heaven.

After I moved for more than ten minutes, I felt very tired, but I couldn't wake up Huan Jue. My self-esteem made me just want to make it my own secret tonight.

Whenever I am tired, I sit on him and start working hard. This feeling is a little different from thrusting. When I recover a little strength, I start to exercise up and down again. After I repeat this three times, more than half an hour has passed.

My sweat wet my whole body and I started to keep breathing. I looked at Huan Jue and decided to lie on him regardless of whether he woke up or not, and then raised his butt and pressed down. This intimate contact with him made me feel orgasm quickly.

Unexpectedly, before I climaxed, I felt a heat flow erupting deep in my depths. Huan Jue shot his life seeds from me. I couldn't help it anymore. I was like being lit by someone, and a sensation rushed down from my head. The whole world seemed to be gone in an instant. The sound and picture became nothing, and only a kind of pleasure from the depths of my soul ejected from my lower body.

I couldn't help but let out a long cry of Ah. Is this the feeling of orgasm? It's so shocking. There is such a happy feeling in this world.

I lay on him for about ten minutes and saw Huan Jue still breathing evenly. I knew he was sleeping from beginning to end. I just treated him as an adult toy

I am really sorry for the pure image in his heart. Maybe I am so lewd, but knowledge covers up my desires.

I pulled up and found that my liquid and I were following his cock and left on the sheets. To my surprise, there was a trace of blood on his cock and sheets.

Is it my virgin blood? I can actually have a trace of virgin blood flowing out. This expected surprise made me want to wake him up, and even lie to him. My first time was with him.

But this can deceive him, but not myself. I looked at the faint pink blood on the bed sheet and shook my head. Let's forget it, I have no fate with him.

I covered him with a quilt, and I went to the shower room to wash my lower body, then put on my own clothes, and walked out of the room as if nothing had happened

After such exercise, my alcoholic spirit had woken up for seven minutes. I returned to the school playground and slowly wandered on the runway. I was blowing the summer breeze. Suddenly, I felt that the experiences I had experienced over the past few days were really too bizarre.

Unexpectedly, when I was shopping, Lao Ma would suddenly appear behind me

Jingxin...

His voice interrupted my thoughts

Why are you here? I said coldly

I...I usually like to run at night, you...I...I...I'm sorry the night before yesterday. Lao Ma couldn't hold up a complete sentence in the end.

I can't forgive him now, but after what happened with Huan Jue just now, I have a certain understanding of his obsession with me, and I said: Don't say anything more, you run away, I'll go around mine

Lao Ma wanted to say something else, but under my sharp eyes, he had to lower his head and run forward

In the following days, I don’t know who revealed the few senior course schedules for Lao Ma. He comes downstairs to deliver breakfast to me every day. I take it and leave every time, ignoring him at all.

Sometimes I work on the tutor's topic until early in the morning, and I took leave the next day and didn't go to class. In order to win the only few places to attend the graduate school, every time my roommate comes back from class, I will put the cold breakfast on my desk.

Unfortunately, I am just a person with average grades, and I still can't compete with those top academic masters in colleges.

More than a month later, the people in the dormitory began to doubt me: Jingxin, why are you treating Lao Ma like this? He almost delivers breakfast to you every day. Do you need to treat him so indifferently? I haven't seen anyone you treat so coldly?

Looking at the roommates' uninformed questions, I had to say: You don't know some things, but he still pesters me to him like this. What can I do?

Aren't you afraid that he will be angry one day, and he will carry a knife on his body and stab you? They said angrily.

No? I answered with certainty, my heart was a little shaken. Lao Ma didn't look like this.

So one day at the end of October, when I saw Lao Ma downstairs, I took the breakfast and said: Lao Ma, I will go to the cafe outside the canteen to chat after class.

After hearing this, Lao Ma's face immediately turned rosy, and he nodded in agreement with a smile

After class, I went to the cafe and saw Lao Ma, dressed neatly in casual style, sitting on the booth by the window

I walked to him and sat down, ordered a bitter American cup. The two sides were stalemate and didn't say anything. He wanted to speak but stopped. When the coffee came, I finally asked: What do you want?

Seeing that my face was not very good, Lao Ma hurriedly said: Jingxin, I know I made an unforgivable mistake, but I really want you to be my girlfriend. I beg you to give me a chance to make up for it?

What if I don't agree? Are you going to take out a knife and stab me? I said coldly

How is it possible? I'm not like this and he said with a little excited expression

I originally thought you wouldn't be the one who came here, but I didn't expect you to do something that would take advantage of others' danger?

I shouted mercilessly to spot it. Since that night, Lao Ma and I have not sat down and talked as calmly as we are now. It’s not that he dare not, but that I have never given him a chance.

Looks gentle and humorous. I heard that you are very popular among girls. Ah, a leaf in the flowers is not touching, and I have been taken over by you. You should find another woman to do it and don’t waste time on me anymore.

I have never said such sarcastic words in my life, and I can't help it this time

I know nothing I say now can't cover up the mistake I made, but believe me, I won't like another girl anymore. He stretched out three fingers to make a sworn statement.

Who knows if you say this to them every time you date, and you swear that you can't eat it as a meal in this era

I can't let go of his method of having sex first and then talking about love. Why should I take such an unreliable person's words seriously?

I will prove it to you with my actions, I just want to be with you, Lao Ma said gritting his teeth and gritting his teeth.

I took a sip of coffee, it was so bitter, just like my life was so bitter, but at the end there was a trace of sweetness of aftertaste. I was suddenly stunned and looked up at Lao Ma with a firm look. His eyes couldn't help but look a little ignorant.

Jingxin Ah Jingxin, you must not have Stockholm syndrome. Lao Ma is sincere, and he cannot be washed away by his behavior of raping himself.

I shrugged my shoulders lightly and said: Just don't kill me. I asked you to come out just to say that I hope you can keep someone under the knife and give me a way out of life

I'm not such a person! Lao Ma was obviously a little angry at what I said.

Then if I like others, would you stab the person I like with a knife?

I put forward a very likely assumption: If he doesn't kill me, will I kill someone I like?

I suddenly remembered Huan Jue who had no information recently

I... If you really like another person, I will bless you silently. Lao Ma lowered his head and uttered these words with difficulty.

I snorted coldly and said, "Of course, you have the capital to show off in front of him. After all, I have taken my first blood by you. He is just picking up broken shoes."

Jingxin, I...I really didn't think so. It doesn't matter if you don't believe me now. I will prove it to you with my actions.

After Lao Ma said this, I had no intention of arguing with him anymore. After drinking the coffee in the cup, I turned around and left. Lao Ma did not stop him.

In the following days, Lao Ma still gave breakfast every day. After I didn’t find a suitable position in the autumn recruitment, I decided to take a try at the postgraduate entrance examination. Anyway, I had good grades in professional courses before in order to ensure the postgraduate entrance examination, but it was not impressive enough in comparison with the top students. However, if I go to the postgraduate entrance examination, I should still have some good positions. If I don’t have the spring recruitment, I still have some good positions to choose from.

I started my study nightlife. Lao Ma could serve me breakfast no matter when I get up. Now that I have made progress, he also asked if I have classes, and if I don’t have one, he would ask someone to send it to the dormitory.

What's he doing? Didn't he say that academic elites are going to start a business? Why did I put so much energy into it?

What's more, if a man treats a woman like this, doesn't he just want to get her? He has already got me. What else do you want to tie me up for the rest of his life?

To be fair, Lao Ma can be considered a high-level appearance, talent and behavior. I did have some thoughts about him in the days before the summer vacation, but I could never let go of that night. It was him who ruined my life arrangements. Without him, even if I was not with Huan Jue, I would not be angry, and I might even accept his pursuit.

After all, I still care about losing a possibility of life. Isn’t it really because he got into me? After all, didn’t I secretly have sex with Huan Jue that day?

I sighed and prepared to treat Lao Ma with a normal mind