postscript

In one of his award-winning answers, Milan Kundera quoted an old proverb from the Jewish nation: When people think about it, God laughs

So what is this Almighty God laughing at?

My understanding is to laugh at the stupidity of human beings

The world is vast and people are playing leaps and bounds in front of nature. What is the effect on nature?

In God's view, it's just like we see two ants fighting for a rotten body, and the impact on the material world of the universe is really small and small

Just as the American writer Hartfeld said: Compared with the complexity of the universe, our world is just like the brain of a sparrow. But despite this, we still have to think about it, because we are humans and people have thoughts.

I've been thinking since the day I was born

At that time, I was thinking about my mother's milk. Although it is like a fool to talk about these mysterious and mysterious things now, I still think so

When I was a child, I thought about playing; when I was in high school, I thought about how to get into college to get out of the farming school; when I was in college, I thought about how to spend this life that was like a journey.

Once passionate and despised the great literature, he scoffed at the tireless writing, thinking that it was a trick, and he was eager to participate in politics in order to get a job, so that his husband and wife would be honored and his family would be glorious.

However, when I was struggling in the officialdom, I found that I was not good at this, and I was repeatedly choked and suffocated several times.

I started thinking, thinking about my choice

Just like Nietzsche's judgment of eternal return, I'm back to my true love

I love literature so much that I love it crazy. When I read a book I want to read and a essay I want to write, I always feel refreshed and excited, I forgot everything around me, and an indescribable sense of happiness spread throughout my body

In the world, life is nothing more than pursuing the greatest happiness, and happiness is a spiritual feeling, a purely personal thing, and it is not hindered from other people's views.

I pursue fame and fortune, just to let others see how capable I am, try to speculate and become the so-called superior person

However, I am not happy inside

Calm down and ponder, but find that I have nothing but vanity

Why can’t you live according to your own nature?

Taiwanese writer Xing Linzi once said: When we were young, we almost all lived for others, for our hard-working parents, for our teachers and teachers, for many concepts and many traditional binding forces, gradually breaking free from external restrictions and constraints, and starting to know how to live for ourselves and do what we like in our own way. We don’t care about other people’s criticisms, or other people’s slander rumors, but only care about the comfort of our own will. Naturally, I want to live for myself and do what I like.

So I write day and night, work hard, because it is really a great happiness for me

If someone asks what the Macedonian king Alexander the Great wants to do most, he may answer: Conquer the world; if he asks Socrates, he may say: Live a human life according to the natural state of man

It's hard to say that the former is right or the latter is wrong

Whether a person is great or small, as long as he can live out his own nature, he will be worth his life

Ducks are more comfortable in the water than in dry land, while chickens are the opposite

I love the land where I live, and all my blood veins and muscles are given to me by her

I love the people on this land even more, they have brought me endless joy and other feelings on earth.

I also hated the people on this land, and they were also them. They once deeply hurt my heart

But now I love all the people on this land, whether they have loved or hated them.

I was born, I love others

No matter what they have done to me or even attempted to harm me, I forgive them

I don't know if this is called great compassion, I pursue this state

True love can give birth to literature

I don't agree with the statement that writing can be written without writing.

Sometimes animals are artists, but unfortunately they cannot express their emotions in words.

The singing of the grasshopper, there is no reason, not to entertain the world, but to nature

The donkey's whistling to the sky was because it had a depressed aura in its chest, and it was quick to make it sound

I write this book as well

I fell in love with literature when I was in high school and tried to write something

My father is a teacher who has been to a private school. He appreciated my actions very much and guided me to adjust my life strategy, so he went to college, and chose a major in language and literature.

But I have a fatal weakness, that is, what I hate, so when I entered my junior year, I deviated from my original life goal and dreamed of going to a career in the officialdom. I didn’t worry much about literature.

When my classmates participated in various literary clubs and enthusiastically carried out literary creation, I studied politics, philosophy and religion with a strong curiosity and utilitarian color.

After graduation, I was assigned to a unit in the suburbs. I spent a few years very secularly

Later, I saw the newspaper publishing the news of recruiting civil servants. I was extremely excited and devoted myself to reviewing, and finally got what I wanted.

But when my floating heart sinks, I always feel an inexplicable disgust towards myself

Dislike your own vanity, dislike your vulgarity, dislike your work that cannot bring you any fun

*

My role is a sly official who writes at his desk all day long, repeating the same boring content, running to the leader's office one after another, looking at their faces, changing over and over again

Looking at the pile of work summary, work points, experience introduction and other official documents, it is like looking at the faces of dead people

But it is not always rewarding to give. When they have lost their minds and written black words like fly, they are sent to their leaders' desks respectfully and on thin ice, they are often circled and made useless.

Some things really don't suit their taste

And I am dull by nature and can't say anything nice to me, so I often accept scolding in a state of anxiety, and forget what they say when I go out.

I really don’t have the official account in my destiny, but I just want to make up for this one, so I made it like the third button button on the second buttonhole, funny and ugly

I was like reading a stingy book on a ox cart driving on a rugged road. I didn't understand the content, but instead made me dizzy.

Finally one day, I suddenly wanted to say something to the life I had experienced that I had disgusted. I found that it was this life that made me now

Maybe it is the life I hate that brings me the ultimate joy of the world

A river passed through the rocks and dangerous shoals, and after a thousand twists and turns, it finally flowed to the vast plain and returned to peace.

This is a kind of improvement, a kind of sublimation of the soul

This peaceful river that passed through thorns, valleys, and Xiuyan was much deeper and more extensive than the lake that was originally lying there calmly.

I am now this peaceful river, there is nothing to boast about, it is too calm, so calm that it is almost depressed

I was so depressed that I had a tide in my heart, and it was not easy to get rid of it, so I came up with this novel

I remember Jia Pingwa said that the person who makes a fuss is a craftsman

When I was a bamboo craftsman when I was a kid, I could weave mats

Often, we brothers are scattering and drawing boundaries, and we sit on the ground to operate. The reeds dance like golden snakes, like a silent competition.

The second brother made the best, and his goods sold the fastest in the market; the third brother was second; the only one I made the worst, so I had to keep them as a writer.

As for weaving mats, we must weave a good mat. First, we must have good reed strips, bright and flexible; second, we must have good craftsmanship, smooth patterns and neat corners.

My skills are not good, and I don’t know whether the bamboo shoots are good or bad, but I have the urge to weave them. If I don’t weave them well, I will use them for my own home use.

Hikari

Early morning on January 30, 2003