The memory after fainting on the court was very vague. I only remember that there was always a gentle feeling surrounding my body, and the rest were only very fragmented fragments.
I couldn't even restore how I got home, and when I woke up, I was already in my bedroom bed.
The sound of tinnitus sounded like a firecracker exploded in my ears. I felt heavy and weak all over. When I opened my eyes, I saw the bare ceiling illuminated by the fluorescent lights.
Only the wind chime that my mother used to coax me to sleep when she was a child was hanging alone on it, so that I could tell that I was at home.
The body's perception gradually recovered after the eyes were opened, and something felt gently pressing on the wrist.
My pupils, which were stinged by the light, moved to my wrist, and my mother's hands were gently stroking them.
Looking along the back of my mother's white hand, my mother lay on the side of the bed, as if she was asleep, and was still wearing the clothes she had accompanied me to the competition today.
mom?I called out to my mother.
Um?
Mom slowly raised her head, opened her tired eyes, and wrote a worried expression on her face. When she saw it was me, she said happily and uneasy, "Are you awake?"Are you better?Are you feeling uncomfortable?
When I said this, my mother held my right hand tightly with both hands.
No, I'm fine.What happened, what?
I shook my head gently, and my voice responded slightly.
I can't say why. I've obviously tried very hard, but the sound I said was the same as a person who didn't eat.
My mother's palms holding my hands made me feel a little cold, which scared me so much that I was so excited that I suddenly woke up and sat up suddenly, grabbed my mother's hand with her back, and asked with great concern: Mom, your hands are so cold, are you having a fever again?Where is it uncomfortable?I'll take you to the hospital!
What Ah.
My mother said a little amused and cried, and hurriedly asked me to lie down, saying with a hint of emotion, "You took care of me so well last time, how could you get sick again?"It’s not that I’m cold, it’s that you have a fever, so I feel my hands are cold.
As he said that, my mother's worried expression appeared on her face again and she said with a deep remorse, "I didn't take good care of you."
Where is it.Do I have a fever?I don't feel anything, I'm all full of energy when you see.
I sat up again and showed my mother a vibrant and energetic look. Maybe I was too focused when playing the game and suddenly had an endocrine disorder, which made me prone to body temperature and height.It's okay, it's definitely good to come together tomorrow.
You kid... Mom said with anger, funny and heartache, why do you take everything to yourself?Alas, I should have realized it long ago.These days, you run back and forth in the hospital, school, and home every day, studying, cooking, and taking care of me, but you don’t miss everything.You are just a junior high school student. How can you bear such a high intensity for a week?Now the game is over and everything is over, so let’s change to mom to take good care of you.
Mom... I felt very uncomfortable when I heard my mother cares about me so much. I couldn't help but lower my head slightly and said softly, "I'm sorry..."
What's sorry Ah?Mom asked softly in confusion, "Isn't it natural for mothers to take care of their son?" Why do you still say sorry?"
I failed to win the game, won the championship trophy, and didn't make you happy.I said in great distress and frustration, it was obvious that they were so close, but I didn’t expect that in the end, it was so far.
Are you still thinking about playing Ah?
My mother sighed softly, touched the back of my head, and said in a deep voice, "If we lose the game, we can come back next time."Mom, I am very happy and satisfied. Your hard work and wholeheartedness are very handsome.The first time I knew, my son turned out to be so handsome.And, can you wake up safely, what else can I be happier than this?
Mom, what happened to me at that time?
My mother used the description of Ping An awakening. It seemed that her condition was very bad at that time. I couldn't help but want to ask clearly. I didn't remember anything, just like I was drunk and there was only a little dreamlike fragment.
Actually, mom doesn't know what's going on.At that time, you suddenly lay on the table and didn't move, frightening us all.I immediately went on stage and entered your game room anxiously, pushing your arms and shouting your name.It took you a while to respond to me and kept saying to me that it was okay.
My mother described the scene vividly, her face full of anxiety at that time, and she still looked lingering in fear when she was telling the story. Fortunately, Dr. Zhang was present at the time, so she immediately ran in to check your physical condition.I was almost crying in a hurry and kept asking her about your situation.She said that it was because of the long-term high tension and the fact that you had less rest these days, you suddenly fainted.I asked her if she was going to the hospital, and she said no, just ask me to bring you back and have a good rest.Because you woke up at that time, and could talk to us, and with her words, I felt a little relieved.Later, Dr. Zhang drove us back and put you on the bed with me.At that time, I noticed that you were a little burned. She said there was no big problem, so she went back first. I didn't have time to thank her.Since you know each other, next time you tell Dr. Zhang that your mother will treat her to a good meal, thank her.
My mother said a long sentence at once, and her mood seemed to be getting better, and she was not as shocked as before.
That's natural.
I smiled and agreed, in order to prevent my mother from worrying about me, she acted like she was fine, but I promised her that she would never let you worry about me again in the future, nor would she scare her mother again.
After saying so much, I forgot to pour you water and drink it. Look at me.
My mother shook her head with remorse and hurried to a glass of warm water for me to drink. Dr. Zhang said, "You should drink more water and rest more."Otherwise, if I had a fever for two days, I would have to go to the hospital for a visit.So listen well, you don’t need to do anything at home tomorrow, you just need to have a good rest.
OK, I promise mom.
I nodded vigorously and agreed to whatever I said. I glanced at Zhong and it turned out that it was already one o'clock in the morning. Mom, why don't you go to take a shower and rest?I see that your clothes have not been changed yet.It's already one o'clock now, and you should be very tired. I was afraid that you would catch a cold when you just slept on your stomach.
Have you all gotten a little bit?
My mother looked at the clock in disbelief, and suddenly remembered something again, turned to me and said, "You reminded me of me, I cooked lean meat porridge."I'm afraid that you will wake up and have no food all night, so I'll serve you.
Two minutes later, my mother handed me a hot bowl of porridge and I ate it slowly.
tasty.I said with a smile, thank you mom.
Yes, it's delicious.There is still in the pot. I will serve it for you after you have finished eating.
My mother gently touched the back of my neck and said with emotion, "You must be fine, mom can't do without you."
It will be fine if you know, it will be fine.I hurriedly agreed with a smile, "Mom, go take a shower, it's getting late."If you need to take care of it, you won’t be able to take a break!
OK, stop urging me, I'll go now.Mom said with a smile, then got up.
This is the first time I saw my mother worrying about me to this level, and I feel very guilty and uneasy.
As her son, she was so worried that she really felt that she had not done what a son should do.
Fortunately, nothing happened to me, everything was just a false alarm.
But this made me clearly realize that one thing I had to be stronger.
More than ten minutes later, my mother took a shower and changed into red pajamas and came into my room.
mom?I said to my mother in surprise, are you?
Um?Sleep in your place.My mother said lightly and got into my quilt at the same time, otherwise?How can I take care of you at all times?
I...my mother is fine.
Of course, I really want to sleep with my mother, but I don’t think it’s because she wants to take care of me. I think in her mind, even if I am sick, I can do it myself and no longer need her to take care of me like a child. So I persuaded me, I am afraid that you will not be able to sleep well, this bed is very small.
What's wrong?Do you dislike your mother?My mother said coldly, "Or do you want to burn higher tomorrow to scare me Ah?"
Where is it, how is it possible!I quickly explained, sighed lightly, and said to myself in a very small voice, just don't want to thank you for your hard work.
What did you say?When my mother heard my thoughts, she turned off the lights, then said softly to me, "This bed is a little smaller, so you can hold me to sleep."This is not small.
Ah?Unexpectedly, my mother took the initiative to propose this idea on my bed. I was stunned for a moment, then agreed blankly, hugged her waist, and leaned her head against her shoulder, Good night Mom.
Good night.Mom responded with the gentlest voice.
Since my mother was hospitalized, I have gradually become accustomed to the feeling of sleeping with my mother.
This habit has come to my mind. I can’t imagine what would happen if my mother stopped sleeping with me?
Will you suffer from insomnia?
Do you miss her very much?
I don't know, I don't have an answer.All I know is that I cherish every night I can sleep with my mother in my arms and are all beautiful memories.
My mother patted my back lightly and murmured in my ears with a soothing tune.
I couldn't help but want to get close to my mother, and my whole body was pressed on her cheeks, and my cheeks were placed on my mother's plump and proud breasts, and even the corners of my mouth could touch the edge of my mother's nipples.
Maybe it was because of my illness that my mother tacitly agreed to my behavior of being so close.After all, my mother was still awake, so I relaxed all over with satisfaction and fell asleep in a short while.
//Liu Ruxue SIDE
Another long dream.
Since I came back from a business trip last time, I always had very long dreams every night, most of which were nightmares.
Apart from nightmares, most of the rest are strange spring dreams.
Why do you say it is strange?
Because the object in the dream is the son, every time it is.
This makes me regret and entangle about why I dream like this every morning.
I didn't even think about having my son during the day...
No……
I wouldn't think of something like that at all.
At night, in order to get rid of the entanglement of my dreams, I completely abstinent and touched nothing.
But the more this happens, the more frequent such dreams will be.
And when I was in my dream, I felt more and more enjoyable.
I don’t know whether dreams are reflections of the heart or whether they are affected by dreams. Every time I see my son, I always feel a little strange in my body and mind.
This feeling is never before, and I find it difficult to describe what it is, I only know that the closer I get to my son, the stronger the feeling is.
When my son and I hugged each other, this feeling seemed to have reached its peak, which made me feel extremely at ease and could let go of all my guards and thoughts.
Every time I stay away from my son, I keep telling myself that he is your son, and you can only have a mother-son relationship with him.
It was a little useful at first, but whenever I saw my son again, the things I reminded me of were thrown away.
Until I was hospitalized, I would no longer remind myself. He became different in my heart.
During those days in the hospital, when my son didn't sleep with me, I felt particularly lonely and desolate, and the cold air that came from nowhere hit me all over my body.
I never thought that one day I would feel lonely, let alone be afraid of loneliness.
At that moment, looking at the curtains blocking my son and I, I finally understood what it feels like to be so close but so far.
That night, I told myself: Yes, we are just mother and son, this is the relationship and distance that mother and son should have. What are my dissatisfactions?
Then, I had the most terrible nightmare I felt when I grew up.
At the end of the dream, my son rescued me.
The moment I woke up, I knew that I could no longer escape my own feelings. I thought my son was touched by a man for the first time.
When I got home, my reason told me again: It was just because you were in the hospital, so any little care would be particularly helpful.
I struggled and lingered between my inner feelings and my reason, and I couldn't tell who was right and who should I listen to.
Maybe they have always been me, I have always been so conflicted, and I have been so in the past and now.
But soon, the debate had at least a phased answer. Everything became clear when the son fainted on the field.
In order to take care of me, my son gave up a rare week of practice. In order not to let my expectations go out, he worked very hard in the last two days to train and prepare for the game. In order to win his trophy, he once gained the upper hand in such a high-intensity confrontation. In order not to disappoint me, he still tried hard to win after the rematch despite his physical discomfort. In order not to worry, even if he woke up, his first words were to tell me that he was fine.
Everything is for me.
For all women: when a man's eyes and heart are all you, you will also be him in your eyes.
I knew that my son asked me that night why he didn't wear black stockings because he wanted to see it, so I specially put on the black stockings he was thinking about yesterday.
Because I couldn't think of a way to cheer him up, then I think if he put on the clothes he likes, he could also feel this encouragement from his mother, right?
I didn't have the chance to ask him if I was wearing this way, nor could I ask, just think it was.
Son, mom has a lot to say to you.
But can you forgive your mother for not saying all these words?
Once I said it, I was afraid that nothing would turn back.
Mom has never been so scared, I hope you can understand me.
I wonder if you are like your mother, you have a lot of things to talk to your mother, right?
You don't say it out loud, okay?
Mom, I...
Don't want to listen...
If we all know each other, let it understand tacitly and keep it like this, okay?
From studying tennis as a student to working outside for more than ten years after graduation, I have never experienced the storms and waves, and I have never seen the surging waves?
But those setbacks and pains never made me feel afraid.
I don't know why, but now I still want to escape.
Maybe……
Not afraid of the future, but greed for the present?
I don’t know, my sentimentality and rationality can’t give an answer.
I have only one thing to be sure of, my son is the only light that illuminates my life.
Whether my world is cold or warm, dark or light is closely related to him.
I vaguely feel that the day and moment I have been away from will eventually come, but I hope that the farther the better, and it is best not to come, because I am not prepared.
I don't believe what people often say. If there are things that don't come, you will never be prepared; once they come, you will be ready.
For some reason, this sentence seemed to be telling me that it was coming soon, so I was unexpectedly unexpected.
This afternoon, because my son was still by my side, I asked me to go back to the room to lie down and rest after dinner, and I cleaned up my own home.
On the way, the phone at home rang, and it was from my company.
The general manager called and he sounded very good.
He told me the good news in the area where I was responsible for, Nanjiang Beer's sales once again surpassed Blue Island Beer.
This is really a long-lost good news.
I put down the phone, very happy, and at the same time I felt very relieved.
I am very clear that this success again cannot be separated from my son's good ideas and from his efforts to think about me.
When I thought of this, I felt particularly touched.
Because I have been through it alone since I was a child.
Even after getting married, the man almost just asked me about my work, let alone give me some ideas.
Any problems at work must be solved by myself.
Only during this period of time with my son can I feel what two people rely on side by side, rather than being in harmony with each other.
I wanted to share this good news with my son at the first time.
When I gently pushed open his bedroom door, I noticed that he fell asleep and did not wake him up.
It's not too late to tell him when he wakes up, I think so.
But last night's fever made me feel lingering. Although his fever had subsided when I woke up in the morning, I gently walked towards his bed and leaned on his forehead.
Fortunately, it didn't burn, it should be easy to clean.
Afterwards, I cleaned my son's bedroom.
I think that since my son became particularly able to take care of himself last month, I have never come to his room to clean it up, and there is still a trace of nostalgia.
When I was sorting out his computer desk, I found a corner of a white paper exposed in the second closed drawer on the right side of the table.
Without thinking, I opened the drawer and put the paper in.
But at this moment, by all means, I saw an art book that I had never seen before.
Perhaps out of curiosity, I took it out.
The moment I opened it, if I could know in advance what was here I would have liked that I never opened it.
Open the first page of the art book, and use beautiful calligraphy to write a few words that are not big or small to my only beloved mother Liu Ruxue.Is it for me?
I slowly turned over a page, which contained the paintings drawn by my son.
The content of the drawing was whether I was holding or holding a baby, and we looked at each other and smiled.
In the painting, I am filled with a particularly happy smile.
The title of this painting is First See.
The softest part in my heart was touched.
Turning another page, another painting of my son and I.
That's when he was still a three-year-old and he was not as good as he was when he was in school.
I seemed a little unhappy in the painting. My son came over and held my neck with his two little hands, which said, "Mom won't cry."
This painting made me smile knowingly. I don’t remember when this happened.
The title drawn on this page is the starting point of memory.
On the next page, I took him to the suburbs for a trip, who was still in kindergarten.
I remember it very clearly that it was his first time to go to the suburbs and he was very happy.
The painting is about him picking a rose and giving it to me. I squatted on the ground, touched his head, and took the flower.
At that time, I thought it was very funny. What's wrong with picking so many flowers, but I picked roses in one go. I also thought that when I grow up, I must be a big radish, and I am especially good at coaxing women.
The title of this page made my heart tremble, there was only one word for you.
Continue to look back and forth, it is the scene where my son gave him a birthday gift when he celebrated his fifth birthday.
That time, his father did not attend his birthday for the first time because of his work.
But my son was not unhappy at all. He said that as long as I live with him, it would be enough.
The birthday gift that time was a watercolor pen, which he liked very much and was drawing every day afterwards.
But at that time, I would never have thought that he would draw these paintings today.
My son’s childhood appearance and the days that came from the depths of my memory, as if yesterday.
That time was the most relaxed and happy time I felt, and everything went as I expected.
I have always believed that such a good time would continue until that incident happened.
After the incident, the living conditions at home changed a lot, and it is not an exaggeration to say that it is a polar reversal.
I was reluctant to think about those days, and I had almost no good memories.
I didn't expect him to regret it. He had promised me before getting married, but his restless heart was revived at that time and he didn't listen to it no matter how he said it.
I waited for ten years, but I couldn't wait for him to turn back.
Unexpectedly, my son’s idea was surprisingly consistent with me. Should I say that I am worthy of being my biological child?
In the page that continued to turn back, my son's painting seemed to have skipped ten years and came directly to my life after the divorce.
This painting is the first time I was eating the rice cooked by my son. The warmth is vividly displayed on the paper, which reminds me of the rice he cooked for the first time, which is almost finished with a hint of sweetness.
The taste of the dishes he made is really edible, but now the food he cooks is much delicious, and I like it a little.
The name of this painting is home.
The paintings started on the next page, some of them made my heartbeat less regular.
The next painting is the scene where he gave me a massage.
That time, my son gave me the first idea and solution to fight Blue Island. If it weren't for his idea, I wouldn't have said that I would be unemployed now, right?
But this painting is different from the previous few. If the first few paintings pay more attention to the scene and sensory expression, this painting is a more prominent outline of the human body lines.
The bulge in his crotch, the curve of my hips, the smooth and delicate naked shoulders and the description of his plump breasts, all of these particularly sexually suggestive parts of the gender, which made people's attention when looking at this painting suddenly gathered on these parts.
And the name of this painting is throbbing.
Judging from this painting, I seem to have found the beginning time when my son’s cognitive changes have occurred to me.
And at that time, I didn't care at all.
If I had realized it at that time, things would not have developed to this point, right?
With a little concern but more anticipation, I turned to the next page.
It was a rainy night and it was also the title of this painting.
It was that day, my son was carrying me through the water-filled streets on a rainy night.
He carried me very high, and would rather be soaked all over than let me touch a drop of water and rain, and his face was indeed covered with sweat and rain.
What touched me was that I held the umbrella on his head in the painting.
In fact, that night I was more on my head.
Now I think back to that night and feel a little sad.
But that time was the first time I felt my son’s manly side, and the first time I treated him as a man.
Continue to turn over this page gently, and what comes to you is a more warm scene painting.
It was us sitting on the bench and he stuffed me his headphones.
We each had one headphone, listening to the songs played in his MP3, I fell asleep leaning on his shoulder, and he looked at me emotionally.
Those are songs I have never heard before. Unexpectedly, after listening to them, I have been listening to those songs for many days. At that time, I didn’t know why I liked it.
The title of this page is the only name that I listened to when I was asleep.
At that time, I was once again touched by the girl's heart after many years.For me, it is the beginning of this road of no return.
I found that I could not guess at what my son would draw on the next page, but I knew that whenever I looked at a painting, I was more excited about the next painting, no matter what it would be.
But the moment the next painting appeared, my breathing was fluctuating. The painting was full of spring.
This was the night he used magic for me and then slept in my bed. I even wore a bra to avoid the throbbing he shouldn't have during adolescence.
Until I saw this painting, I thought nothing happened that night.
But this painting shows me sleeping on my side. He leaned against me from behind, putting one hand on my waist, and the other hand actually reached into the lace bra I was wearing at that time and rubbing my breasts!
Too much more, his son actually used his bottom to stretch his legs and rub it!
Oh my God, what was he doing then?
If I had known it at that time, I would have to make him fucked.
Is this what my son should do to his mother?
However, when I only found out about this, I was not so angry and even felt a little blushing. I was obviously not thinking about anything.
I can't read this painting too much, I'm afraid I will think of something I shouldn't think of.
The title drawn on this page is Sleeping Together.
On the next page, it is about National Day.
It was a scene where I played tennis with Federer and Sharapova from the perspective of my son.
There are only me and him in the painting, and the two stars have just been crossed by a few lines.
Even his son is just a foil in the painting.
The main thing I draw is the moment I hit the ball, full of power and impact, and I feel like I saw the way I looked at when I was at the peak of my school days.
And the title of this painting seems to be a dream that has been specially created for me.
I feel very complicated now. Although I can't say it, I don't feel bad.
This feeling of looking at myself from my son's perspective is very special, as if I felt that if I were my son, I would also hope that this kind of intention would be seen by that person.
I don’t know how many paintings there are in this album, I just want to appreciate them one by one, each of which is a particularly precious memory and mood.
The title of the next painting is written on the top favorite.
That was the scene of my son wearing a necklace for me on my birthday.
The me in the painting is like me at that time, with a faint smile floating on my face, and I admire its beauty back and forth in the mirror.
At that moment, I felt extremely happy, much stronger than when I wore a ring when I got married.
Thinking about it now, if I was the one I am at that time, I would definitely hug my son, right?
I looked at the title again and it was a pun: what I love the most is the necklace my son gave me, and what my son loves the most is me...
With a sense of happiness filled with my heart, I turned to the next painting.
This is a particularly beautiful picture in my eyes.
The bright stars and bright moon at night are hanging high with undulating sea level in the dark night sky in the distance, with their light blooming.
Under their light, at the end of the blue sea, following the footprints symbolizing our journey, the breeze blew my hair, and my son hugged me, who was only wearing a bikini, and gave an emotional kiss.
Although it was only a moment at that time, it left the most important mark in our hearts.
The title of this painting is quite meaningful, but I hope it will last forever.
Through the scenes depicted in each painting, the problems that I have always been contradictory and entangled in my heart seem to become clearer and clearer.The so-called intention can only be seen clearly when you look at it face it.
What will be the drawing on the next page?
I continued to read back with full expectation and curiosity.
When the next painting appeared, I was stunned.
The painting has no title. I looked carefully and noticed that it was a scene where he handed me the trophy after winning the interstellar competition.
But this obviously didn't happen, so why did it draw it?
Is there any connection between it and he has not named the painting yet?
There is no judgment for the moment.
But you can see how eager his son is to win this championship in front of me, and even thought about the scene of handing the trophy to me in advance.
Only now can I fully understand why my son takes this competition so seriously and works so hard, and blames himself so much after not winning the championship.
If this painting is a possible occurrence in the near future, then the next painting will surprise me even more at first sight.
This painting still has no title.
In the painting, I was wearing a white wedding dress, and an adult man knelt on one knee to put a ring on me and kissed it.
Obviously, this is not the wedding dress I wore when I got married.
Moreover, the man could tell at a glance that it was not that man, but his son when he grew up.
My eyes became a little blurred, my eyes were sour, and I felt very uncomfortable.
I can't tell what I was thinking at this moment, but I was touched indescribably.
What exactly was touched can't be said at all.
Is it the dissatisfaction of the previous marriage or the beautiful yearning of this painting...
I have no idea.
But in my heart, I never thought about the scene in the painting.
I don't know when my son started thinking about this, and I won't blame him for this, because everything I see in this painting is love.
I trembled and let out a long sigh, and continued to look through the next painting that was already unpredictable.
This is a painting where all three people are laughing.
Well, yes, three people.
The painting is like I watched him holding a little baby to make the baby happy.
Judging from the depiction of the baby in the painting, it is probably a girl.
He teased her like a father, and kissed my cheek.
And I smiled happily in the painting.
The softest part of my heart was once again deeply touched.
Isn’t my son’s description of the life at home that I yearn for the most in my life?
How warm...
But, son Ah, such a scene cannot happen to us mother and son, right?
With a feeling of loss, I turned a page back.
This is still a deck of title.
The baby in the painting has become a little girl, wearing a pair of ponytails and a beautiful little skirt.
There are three people in the painting, me, him, and the little girl. The little girl held our hands, and looked at the bright sunshine in the distance in the flowers and meadows in a park with her back to her.
Is this little girl our child in her son’s fantasy?
Can this be the case?
Am I thinking too much?
I couldn't help but look over again, trying to find the answer.
But there is nothing behind, and this album ends here.
I closed the album and couldn't calm down for a long time.
It turned out that my son knew everything very well and he was always facing his heart.
I am the only one who just escapes and deceives himself.
But, son, please forgive your mother and cannot respond to your heart, because after all, I am your mother...
After all, I will be responsible for your whole life.
mom?Suddenly, my son's soft call pulled me back from my flying thoughts.I hurriedly put the album into his drawer and closed it, hoping that he didn't notice it.
Liu Ruxue SIDE ends //
My mother's face was full of surprise. She stood up from my computer desk, walked to my bed, stroked my cheeks, and looked at me gently. There seemed to be two tears on the corners of her eyes.
Mom, what's wrong?I just woke up and asked blankly, your eyes...
Yes, nothing.Mom smiled and shook her head, then she bent down and kissed my forehead. I was just cleaning, so don't worry about me.
After saying that, my mother got up and left my bedroom.
I woke up and sat up.
An invisible force drove me to look at where my mother was just now, next to my computer.
Why is mom there?
I looked at the computer desk with doubts and noticed that the second drawer seemed to be a little protruding.
Didn’t I lock that drawer?
Why...
I suddenly felt uneasy and hurriedly got out of bed to check, but found that the drawer was indeed not locked.
I opened the drawer even more uneasy, hoping it was just a simple accident.
However, the placement of the album has obviously been moved, so I couldn't let it sway like this.
Did my mother open the drawer with the key?
This is my first thought.
I quickly lifted the base of the computer monitor, and the key was still there, obviously not moving.
In the end, did I forget to lock it when I finished drawing it in the morning?
I thought about it. Just after finishing the drawing, my mother kept urging me to go to dinner when the meal was ready.
Seeing that she called out several times, I didn't respond, so she walked towards my bedroom.
In desperation, I just put the album in, closed the drawer and went out. At that time, I thought about turning back and locking it, but I didn't expect to forget it.
But I never thought that my mother would be caught by my rare carelessness.
I felt a little panicked because I was not ready for my mother to see this album now. I planned to wait until everything was cooked before showing it to her.
Now, my mother has seen it, but I can't guess what she will think after seeing it.
After all, there are scenes where I fantasize about getting married and living after marriage. What my mother can’t accept when she sees it?
But I have read it all, no matter how much I regret it, it will be useless.
Let’s see what my mother will react, let me see you again.
If she doesn't mention it on the initiative, I still want to think that none of this has happened.
During dinner, my mother didn't talk much, just had to eat on her own.
I found several home-cooked topics along the way, but my mother just said a few words and said nothing.
From her eyebrows, it can be seen that she is worried.
Needless to ask, it must be the album that made her think about it all the time. After all, the album that you suddenly see will be a big impact on her.
I can't do anything, and it's even more impossible to spread it out. I can only pray silently that things should not go in a bad direction.
After taking a shower at night, my mother changed into an elegant dress and put on a coat, which looked like she didn't look like a home clothes.
Moreover, my mother had no intention of going back to the bedroom to rest at all, but she looked like she was going out.
A very bad premonition arose in my heart. The moment my mother put her hands on the door handle, I stood up from the sofa and asked: Mom, it's so late, where are you going?And there was a strong wind outside.
I wanted to go out for a walk, but I was detained in the hospital for a few days, but I haven't gone out these days, so I want to go out for some breath.
My mother opened the door, put on her shoes, and responded lightly, "It's okay, I'll be back after a while, at most half an hour."
As he said that, my mother stepped out of the door and was about to close it.
Wait for a moment Mom.I ran over and grabbed the door barefoot and said with a longing face, "I'll go with you, okay?"
Well... Mom's eyes moved down, she was silent for a while before nodding slightly and agreed, "Okay, if you don't feel bored."
My mother and I walked on the quiet path, if we ignored the sound of the wind.
The house we live in is bought by my mother after divorce with her own savings. It is a new community with a low occupancy rate.
So after nine o'clock in the evening, there were almost no people downstairs in the community.
I looked around twice, but no one saw it.
The greening in the community is done well. No matter where you walk, there are lush trees on both sides of the path. There is a small lake every two or three hundred meters. We are walking by the small lake now.
My mother said she chose to buy this place at that time, and she was interested in the quiet environment, the quieter the better.
At that time, I didn’t understand what my mother meant, but now I understand a little bit.
My mother walked very slowly, a bit like the close-up of the host walking slowly through it in some literary documentaries.
My mother wrapped her arms around her chest, her eyes always looked at the trees in front of her left, looking worried, and I stood on her right.
My mother's flat heels made a crisp sound when she stepped on the asphalt road, knocking on my eardrums and in my heart.
The strong wind along the way did not stop for a moment, and the fragrance from the trees in the air blew on my face and my mother's faces, and also gave the quiet path a little bit of anger.
It blew my mother's hair with a high ponytail in front of me, and the hair on her hair beside her ears, as if she was waving to me and saying to talk to her.
It's Ah. Although my mood is very complicated now, I am a man after all. My mother is like this now. Do I have to wait for my mother to speak on her own initiative?
I followed my mother's gaze and landed on rows of willow branches swaying in the wind. I couldn't help but chant: Jade made up a tall tree, with thousands of green silk ribbons hanging down.I don’t know who cuts out the thin leaves, but the spring breeze in February is like scissors.
Um?After hearing this, my mother faced me for the first time and asked a faint doubt. Why did she suddenly start reading a poem?
Mom, you said, this is the first poem you taught me when you were a child, right?I responded with a faint smile, and when I saw the willow tree again, I couldn't help but miss it.
It's Ah.
My mother raised her head slightly, and the scene at that time seemed to appear in front of her, saying, "At that time, you were less than three years old, you bought you a book of Tang poetry."As a result, you will not read "Quiet Night Thoughts" and you will not read "Praise the Farmer".As a result, I was so angry that I decided that you would not be able to study in the future.I threw the book to you, and you turned page by page, but when I arrived at the page of "Ying Liu", I became very excited, and grabbed my hand and kept saying 'This is this'.Unexpectedly, I just recited it once, and you learned it immediately, and memorized it. I recited it ten times a day, and my ears were filled with calluses, haha.
At the end of my mother's speech, a rare smile appeared on her face. Does "Ode to Willow" have any magic to you?
Because I think it is not written in willows, but in depicting mothers.
I took my mother to the row of willow trees, stared at it and said, "When I got old, I went to read the book, I realized that this poem was indeed a chanting poem about people."But do you remember when I asked mom why you named Liu Ruxue?
Well, remember.
Mom nodded slightly and smiled, "I said it was my grandfather who took it casually. At that time, there were not many people who could read, and they used it all.At that time, you were like a little adult and said, "It's not like that!"’.Is my name a special meaning? Can I still not know?
Did it come up with my mother's grandfather?Didn’t it be my mother?
I was a little surprised, but it didn't seem to be particularly surprised, so I nodded to agree and continued, but this name is only suitable for my mother.Although it is as gentle and energetic as willow branches, it is still as green as before without the wind and rain, but it is as white and beautiful as snow, cold and arrogant as strong as warmth.Isn’t this the mother described?
As I said that, I slowly turned my face to my mother and looked at her beautiful side face.
Is that right?... My mother was silent for a long time, looked up at the swaying willow branches, breathed a sigh of relief, and said skeptically. This is the first time I can still interpret this when I heard my name.But indeed, it may be because of my surname that I have always had a special liking for willows.Especially, weeping willows growing by the water.
As he said that, my mother looked down at the reflection of the weeping willows reflected in the small lake.
My mother walked a few steps closer to Xiaohu, and I followed her up.
Next to our feet, there was a sign that said the water in the lake was not as deep as it was, and swimming was prohibited.
My mother's beautiful face was reflected in the lake.
Maybe it's because only water understands weeping willows best.
I looked at the reflection and said from the bottom of my heart that no matter what the weeping willow is doing and what happens, the lake water will be with me, telling the weeping willows now without reservation.
No, because only water is the clearest.
Mom shook her head lightly and said meaningfully, but since it is water, there will always be a dirty day.Even the clear spring on the Tianshan Mountain cannot escape such a fate.Everything will deteriorate.
I looked at my mother with some emotion, saying nothing, not knowing how to respond.
You said that it is clearly water that has changed its quality, but it is still clear that you must say that you are still clear. Isn’t it ridiculous?
My mother said something in her words, "Do you dare not face reality?"Or are you afraid of being hated?Or, because it is clear that that is wrong?
What's wrong?All are natural truths.
I looked at the sparkling water surface under the moonlight and looked to myself, isn’t this natural truth? Isn’t it that the only thing that remains unchanged in the world is that everything is changing?
So, do you think that's right?
My mother looked at me with a complicated gaze for the first time. Suddenly, a strong wind blew, rustling the willow branches. My mother's voice was blown a little trembling. Marry her mother's mother?Even having a baby?
My mother's face was so she couldn't see through it.
It's with your beloved woman.
Now that things have come to this point, I know that I have no way out, and I must not retreat under my mother's urge to ask. I must speak the truest voice deep in my heart, but the woman I love happens to be my mother.
What are you talking about?
Although my mother said what she had just said, she still looked very surprised when she heard me say this. Her brows stretched out, shook her head in disbelief, and frowned and asked softly, "Do you know what you are talking about?"
I love you.At the moment of speaking, I hugged my mother tightly with both hands, raised my head and pressed her lips directly against my mother's hot red lips.
Well, the wavy mom was obviously caught off guard.My mother did not respond to my kiss, but pushed me away and scolded angrily, "What are you doing in Zhou Wenhao!"
Mom, don’t you really have no feelings for me?
I lowered my head in disappointment and said in frustration, our hugs, our kisses, those happy times, those times when you worry... are all true, right?Why...will not respond to your heart?
Wenhao, if some of my mother's actions give me a wrong signal, my mother apologizes to you.
Mom slowed down her tone and took a step back, but you know, it was still time to look back and everything was still time.You...we can't...we can't make mistakes again and again.Yes, mom must admit that you have been having a lot of fun with you recently.But mom knows what our relationship is, and I know what that kind of happiness means.Don't force your mom, okay?I'll give it to you, and it's also possible to continue getting along, okay?
Mom choked up at the end of the conversation.
From the words, you can tell how conflicted and entangled she is now.
No, I don't want it!
I had lost my mind at this time and said almost hysterically, Mom, don’t suppress myself, okay?Ask your heart, do you really... don't like me?Really, don't you feel anything about me?I don't believe it, I don't believe that your actions have been deliberately lying to me these days.No, I won't believe it.
You don’t listen to what mom said, right?
My mother put her hand on the necklace I gave her. She shook her head excitedly and said with a little crying voice, "You want to listen to my wishes, right?"Only when you hear it can you give up, right?OK, I'll show you what I want.
Just as I was still understanding what my mother meant, she pulled the necklace off suddenly, and the next second I realized what she was going to do, before I could respond, she turned around and threw the necklace into the lake vigorously.
Ah？！
My heart plummeted with the necklace thrown by my mother, and then sank to the bottom of the lake.
I almost didn't think. When I heard the dong sound and saw the necklace splashing tiny water, I jumped into the lake.
With the sound of thumping when entering the water, I could only hear a loud bang, and the sky shone brightly and white in an instant.
This lightning came in time, illuminating the originally dim underwater. The luster of the necklace reflected into my eyes with the light of this lightning, and I was able to confirm its location.
I swam quickly towards the necklace.
The clothes I had not taken off on my body made me sink rapidly, and I had to get the pendant before I could not swim.
It looks very close, but why is it so far? I still can't reach it after swimming for a long time.
I could vaguely hear my mother calling me. It was like an ear pressing on one end of the water pipe, listening to the sound it made at the other end of the water pipe by the vibration of the water pipe. It was so deformed that it could not be heard.
The continuous lack of oxygen began to instinctively feel fear and send out a signal of wanting to live. The lake filled my facial features, as cold as if I were in an ice cellar.
It's so cold and so black, only the necklace is the only light under the lake.
But none of this could stop me. Even if something really happened, I had to get the necklace.If you can't get the necklace, nothing makes sense.
I swam forward quickly with all my might and finally caught it before the necklace sank so much that I couldn't see it.
I held it tightly in my hand and swam up the water with all my might.
But at this time, I realized that I could hardly swim!
The last time I swam was in the second grade of elementary school, I didn’t remember many things.
In addition, I have been in the water for some time, and I feel like I am one meter away from the water surface.
The most terrifying thing is that when I was halfway through the swim, I suddenly felt weak all over, and the harsh beeps in my ears. All kinds of impressive things that have appeared in my mind like a lantern, like a carousel, and all kinds of happy and sad things have appeared in my mind like a carousel.
I even saw a very bright light on the lake surface attracting me. During this period, I couldn't feel the suffocation, and my whole body was floating and extremely comfortable.
The end of the light seemed to be my mother's smiling face, and I was heading towards her with relaxed body, even if I didn't need any strength.
Is this what I feel before dying?No, at least, I have to wait until I hand over the necklace to my mother before I die?Let's hold on for a while, Zhou Wenhao, it's good for a while, just a while...
Xiaohao, come to mom.
I returned to my childhood, and my mother waved at me from afar with a rattle on the green grass.
The warm sunshine shone on her body, and from that moment on, my mother became the person I love the most.
In an unfamiliar posture, I jumped to my mother and threw myself into her arms...
Mom, don't leave me...
Then there was a dead silence that lasted for unknown lengths.
Xiaohao, Xiaohao... Xiaohao!
In this dark and darkness, I clearly heard my mother's call, as if it was right in my ears.
But I couldn't respond to my mother's actions. I couldn't cry even if I wanted to cry. It was even more a dream to hug her.
Mom, do you like me?I almost only have the will to respond to my mother.If I can't get through this disaster, at least it's a question I want to know the answer before I die.
I like you, mom likes you.I'm not sure if it was my last psychological hint or if I really got my mother's response, but I did hear this response in my heart.Then everything is worth it.
I couldn't even restore how I got home, and when I woke up, I was already in my bedroom bed.
The sound of tinnitus sounded like a firecracker exploded in my ears. I felt heavy and weak all over. When I opened my eyes, I saw the bare ceiling illuminated by the fluorescent lights.
Only the wind chime that my mother used to coax me to sleep when she was a child was hanging alone on it, so that I could tell that I was at home.
The body's perception gradually recovered after the eyes were opened, and something felt gently pressing on the wrist.
My pupils, which were stinged by the light, moved to my wrist, and my mother's hands were gently stroking them.
Looking along the back of my mother's white hand, my mother lay on the side of the bed, as if she was asleep, and was still wearing the clothes she had accompanied me to the competition today.
mom?I called out to my mother.
Um?
Mom slowly raised her head, opened her tired eyes, and wrote a worried expression on her face. When she saw it was me, she said happily and uneasy, "Are you awake?"Are you better?Are you feeling uncomfortable?
When I said this, my mother held my right hand tightly with both hands.
No, I'm fine.What happened, what?
I shook my head gently, and my voice responded slightly.
I can't say why. I've obviously tried very hard, but the sound I said was the same as a person who didn't eat.
My mother's palms holding my hands made me feel a little cold, which scared me so much that I was so excited that I suddenly woke up and sat up suddenly, grabbed my mother's hand with her back, and asked with great concern: Mom, your hands are so cold, are you having a fever again?Where is it uncomfortable?I'll take you to the hospital!
What Ah.
My mother said a little amused and cried, and hurriedly asked me to lie down, saying with a hint of emotion, "You took care of me so well last time, how could you get sick again?"It’s not that I’m cold, it’s that you have a fever, so I feel my hands are cold.
As he said that, my mother's worried expression appeared on her face again and she said with a deep remorse, "I didn't take good care of you."
Where is it.Do I have a fever?I don't feel anything, I'm all full of energy when you see.
I sat up again and showed my mother a vibrant and energetic look. Maybe I was too focused when playing the game and suddenly had an endocrine disorder, which made me prone to body temperature and height.It's okay, it's definitely good to come together tomorrow.
You kid... Mom said with anger, funny and heartache, why do you take everything to yourself?Alas, I should have realized it long ago.These days, you run back and forth in the hospital, school, and home every day, studying, cooking, and taking care of me, but you don’t miss everything.You are just a junior high school student. How can you bear such a high intensity for a week?Now the game is over and everything is over, so let’s change to mom to take good care of you.
Mom... I felt very uncomfortable when I heard my mother cares about me so much. I couldn't help but lower my head slightly and said softly, "I'm sorry..."
What's sorry Ah?Mom asked softly in confusion, "Isn't it natural for mothers to take care of their son?" Why do you still say sorry?"
I failed to win the game, won the championship trophy, and didn't make you happy.I said in great distress and frustration, it was obvious that they were so close, but I didn’t expect that in the end, it was so far.
Are you still thinking about playing Ah?
My mother sighed softly, touched the back of my head, and said in a deep voice, "If we lose the game, we can come back next time."Mom, I am very happy and satisfied. Your hard work and wholeheartedness are very handsome.The first time I knew, my son turned out to be so handsome.And, can you wake up safely, what else can I be happier than this?
Mom, what happened to me at that time?
My mother used the description of Ping An awakening. It seemed that her condition was very bad at that time. I couldn't help but want to ask clearly. I didn't remember anything, just like I was drunk and there was only a little dreamlike fragment.
Actually, mom doesn't know what's going on.At that time, you suddenly lay on the table and didn't move, frightening us all.I immediately went on stage and entered your game room anxiously, pushing your arms and shouting your name.It took you a while to respond to me and kept saying to me that it was okay.
My mother described the scene vividly, her face full of anxiety at that time, and she still looked lingering in fear when she was telling the story. Fortunately, Dr. Zhang was present at the time, so she immediately ran in to check your physical condition.I was almost crying in a hurry and kept asking her about your situation.She said that it was because of the long-term high tension and the fact that you had less rest these days, you suddenly fainted.I asked her if she was going to the hospital, and she said no, just ask me to bring you back and have a good rest.Because you woke up at that time, and could talk to us, and with her words, I felt a little relieved.Later, Dr. Zhang drove us back and put you on the bed with me.At that time, I noticed that you were a little burned. She said there was no big problem, so she went back first. I didn't have time to thank her.Since you know each other, next time you tell Dr. Zhang that your mother will treat her to a good meal, thank her.
My mother said a long sentence at once, and her mood seemed to be getting better, and she was not as shocked as before.
That's natural.
I smiled and agreed, in order to prevent my mother from worrying about me, she acted like she was fine, but I promised her that she would never let you worry about me again in the future, nor would she scare her mother again.
After saying so much, I forgot to pour you water and drink it. Look at me.
My mother shook her head with remorse and hurried to a glass of warm water for me to drink. Dr. Zhang said, "You should drink more water and rest more."Otherwise, if I had a fever for two days, I would have to go to the hospital for a visit.So listen well, you don’t need to do anything at home tomorrow, you just need to have a good rest.
OK, I promise mom.
I nodded vigorously and agreed to whatever I said. I glanced at Zhong and it turned out that it was already one o'clock in the morning. Mom, why don't you go to take a shower and rest?I see that your clothes have not been changed yet.It's already one o'clock now, and you should be very tired. I was afraid that you would catch a cold when you just slept on your stomach.
Have you all gotten a little bit?
My mother looked at the clock in disbelief, and suddenly remembered something again, turned to me and said, "You reminded me of me, I cooked lean meat porridge."I'm afraid that you will wake up and have no food all night, so I'll serve you.
Two minutes later, my mother handed me a hot bowl of porridge and I ate it slowly.
tasty.I said with a smile, thank you mom.
Yes, it's delicious.There is still in the pot. I will serve it for you after you have finished eating.
My mother gently touched the back of my neck and said with emotion, "You must be fine, mom can't do without you."
It will be fine if you know, it will be fine.I hurriedly agreed with a smile, "Mom, go take a shower, it's getting late."If you need to take care of it, you won’t be able to take a break!
OK, stop urging me, I'll go now.Mom said with a smile, then got up.
This is the first time I saw my mother worrying about me to this level, and I feel very guilty and uneasy.
As her son, she was so worried that she really felt that she had not done what a son should do.
Fortunately, nothing happened to me, everything was just a false alarm.
But this made me clearly realize that one thing I had to be stronger.
More than ten minutes later, my mother took a shower and changed into red pajamas and came into my room.
mom?I said to my mother in surprise, are you?
Um?Sleep in your place.My mother said lightly and got into my quilt at the same time, otherwise?How can I take care of you at all times?
I...my mother is fine.
Of course, I really want to sleep with my mother, but I don’t think it’s because she wants to take care of me. I think in her mind, even if I am sick, I can do it myself and no longer need her to take care of me like a child. So I persuaded me, I am afraid that you will not be able to sleep well, this bed is very small.
What's wrong?Do you dislike your mother?My mother said coldly, "Or do you want to burn higher tomorrow to scare me Ah?"
Where is it, how is it possible!I quickly explained, sighed lightly, and said to myself in a very small voice, just don't want to thank you for your hard work.
What did you say?When my mother heard my thoughts, she turned off the lights, then said softly to me, "This bed is a little smaller, so you can hold me to sleep."This is not small.
Ah?Unexpectedly, my mother took the initiative to propose this idea on my bed. I was stunned for a moment, then agreed blankly, hugged her waist, and leaned her head against her shoulder, Good night Mom.
Good night.Mom responded with the gentlest voice.
Since my mother was hospitalized, I have gradually become accustomed to the feeling of sleeping with my mother.
This habit has come to my mind. I can’t imagine what would happen if my mother stopped sleeping with me?
Will you suffer from insomnia?
Do you miss her very much?
I don't know, I don't have an answer.All I know is that I cherish every night I can sleep with my mother in my arms and are all beautiful memories.
My mother patted my back lightly and murmured in my ears with a soothing tune.
I couldn't help but want to get close to my mother, and my whole body was pressed on her cheeks, and my cheeks were placed on my mother's plump and proud breasts, and even the corners of my mouth could touch the edge of my mother's nipples.
Maybe it was because of my illness that my mother tacitly agreed to my behavior of being so close.After all, my mother was still awake, so I relaxed all over with satisfaction and fell asleep in a short while.
//Liu Ruxue SIDE
Another long dream.
Since I came back from a business trip last time, I always had very long dreams every night, most of which were nightmares.
Apart from nightmares, most of the rest are strange spring dreams.
Why do you say it is strange?
Because the object in the dream is the son, every time it is.
This makes me regret and entangle about why I dream like this every morning.
I didn't even think about having my son during the day...
No……
I wouldn't think of something like that at all.
At night, in order to get rid of the entanglement of my dreams, I completely abstinent and touched nothing.
But the more this happens, the more frequent such dreams will be.
And when I was in my dream, I felt more and more enjoyable.
I don’t know whether dreams are reflections of the heart or whether they are affected by dreams. Every time I see my son, I always feel a little strange in my body and mind.
This feeling is never before, and I find it difficult to describe what it is, I only know that the closer I get to my son, the stronger the feeling is.
When my son and I hugged each other, this feeling seemed to have reached its peak, which made me feel extremely at ease and could let go of all my guards and thoughts.
Every time I stay away from my son, I keep telling myself that he is your son, and you can only have a mother-son relationship with him.
It was a little useful at first, but whenever I saw my son again, the things I reminded me of were thrown away.
Until I was hospitalized, I would no longer remind myself. He became different in my heart.
During those days in the hospital, when my son didn't sleep with me, I felt particularly lonely and desolate, and the cold air that came from nowhere hit me all over my body.
I never thought that one day I would feel lonely, let alone be afraid of loneliness.
At that moment, looking at the curtains blocking my son and I, I finally understood what it feels like to be so close but so far.
That night, I told myself: Yes, we are just mother and son, this is the relationship and distance that mother and son should have. What are my dissatisfactions?
Then, I had the most terrible nightmare I felt when I grew up.
At the end of the dream, my son rescued me.
The moment I woke up, I knew that I could no longer escape my own feelings. I thought my son was touched by a man for the first time.
When I got home, my reason told me again: It was just because you were in the hospital, so any little care would be particularly helpful.
I struggled and lingered between my inner feelings and my reason, and I couldn't tell who was right and who should I listen to.
Maybe they have always been me, I have always been so conflicted, and I have been so in the past and now.
But soon, the debate had at least a phased answer. Everything became clear when the son fainted on the field.
In order to take care of me, my son gave up a rare week of practice. In order not to let my expectations go out, he worked very hard in the last two days to train and prepare for the game. In order to win his trophy, he once gained the upper hand in such a high-intensity confrontation. In order not to disappoint me, he still tried hard to win after the rematch despite his physical discomfort. In order not to worry, even if he woke up, his first words were to tell me that he was fine.
Everything is for me.
For all women: when a man's eyes and heart are all you, you will also be him in your eyes.
I knew that my son asked me that night why he didn't wear black stockings because he wanted to see it, so I specially put on the black stockings he was thinking about yesterday.
Because I couldn't think of a way to cheer him up, then I think if he put on the clothes he likes, he could also feel this encouragement from his mother, right?
I didn't have the chance to ask him if I was wearing this way, nor could I ask, just think it was.
Son, mom has a lot to say to you.
But can you forgive your mother for not saying all these words?
Once I said it, I was afraid that nothing would turn back.
Mom has never been so scared, I hope you can understand me.
I wonder if you are like your mother, you have a lot of things to talk to your mother, right?
You don't say it out loud, okay?
Mom, I...
Don't want to listen...
If we all know each other, let it understand tacitly and keep it like this, okay?
From studying tennis as a student to working outside for more than ten years after graduation, I have never experienced the storms and waves, and I have never seen the surging waves?
But those setbacks and pains never made me feel afraid.
I don't know why, but now I still want to escape.
Maybe……
Not afraid of the future, but greed for the present?
I don’t know, my sentimentality and rationality can’t give an answer.
I have only one thing to be sure of, my son is the only light that illuminates my life.
Whether my world is cold or warm, dark or light is closely related to him.
I vaguely feel that the day and moment I have been away from will eventually come, but I hope that the farther the better, and it is best not to come, because I am not prepared.
I don't believe what people often say. If there are things that don't come, you will never be prepared; once they come, you will be ready.
For some reason, this sentence seemed to be telling me that it was coming soon, so I was unexpectedly unexpected.
This afternoon, because my son was still by my side, I asked me to go back to the room to lie down and rest after dinner, and I cleaned up my own home.
On the way, the phone at home rang, and it was from my company.
The general manager called and he sounded very good.
He told me the good news in the area where I was responsible for, Nanjiang Beer's sales once again surpassed Blue Island Beer.
This is really a long-lost good news.
I put down the phone, very happy, and at the same time I felt very relieved.
I am very clear that this success again cannot be separated from my son's good ideas and from his efforts to think about me.
When I thought of this, I felt particularly touched.
Because I have been through it alone since I was a child.
Even after getting married, the man almost just asked me about my work, let alone give me some ideas.
Any problems at work must be solved by myself.
Only during this period of time with my son can I feel what two people rely on side by side, rather than being in harmony with each other.
I wanted to share this good news with my son at the first time.
When I gently pushed open his bedroom door, I noticed that he fell asleep and did not wake him up.
It's not too late to tell him when he wakes up, I think so.
But last night's fever made me feel lingering. Although his fever had subsided when I woke up in the morning, I gently walked towards his bed and leaned on his forehead.
Fortunately, it didn't burn, it should be easy to clean.
Afterwards, I cleaned my son's bedroom.
I think that since my son became particularly able to take care of himself last month, I have never come to his room to clean it up, and there is still a trace of nostalgia.
When I was sorting out his computer desk, I found a corner of a white paper exposed in the second closed drawer on the right side of the table.
Without thinking, I opened the drawer and put the paper in.
But at this moment, by all means, I saw an art book that I had never seen before.
Perhaps out of curiosity, I took it out.
The moment I opened it, if I could know in advance what was here I would have liked that I never opened it.
Open the first page of the art book, and use beautiful calligraphy to write a few words that are not big or small to my only beloved mother Liu Ruxue.Is it for me?
I slowly turned over a page, which contained the paintings drawn by my son.
The content of the drawing was whether I was holding or holding a baby, and we looked at each other and smiled.
In the painting, I am filled with a particularly happy smile.
The title of this painting is First See.
The softest part in my heart was touched.
Turning another page, another painting of my son and I.
That's when he was still a three-year-old and he was not as good as he was when he was in school.
I seemed a little unhappy in the painting. My son came over and held my neck with his two little hands, which said, "Mom won't cry."
This painting made me smile knowingly. I don’t remember when this happened.
The title drawn on this page is the starting point of memory.
On the next page, I took him to the suburbs for a trip, who was still in kindergarten.
I remember it very clearly that it was his first time to go to the suburbs and he was very happy.
The painting is about him picking a rose and giving it to me. I squatted on the ground, touched his head, and took the flower.
At that time, I thought it was very funny. What's wrong with picking so many flowers, but I picked roses in one go. I also thought that when I grow up, I must be a big radish, and I am especially good at coaxing women.
The title of this page made my heart tremble, there was only one word for you.
Continue to look back and forth, it is the scene where my son gave him a birthday gift when he celebrated his fifth birthday.
That time, his father did not attend his birthday for the first time because of his work.
But my son was not unhappy at all. He said that as long as I live with him, it would be enough.
The birthday gift that time was a watercolor pen, which he liked very much and was drawing every day afterwards.
But at that time, I would never have thought that he would draw these paintings today.
My son’s childhood appearance and the days that came from the depths of my memory, as if yesterday.
That time was the most relaxed and happy time I felt, and everything went as I expected.
I have always believed that such a good time would continue until that incident happened.
After the incident, the living conditions at home changed a lot, and it is not an exaggeration to say that it is a polar reversal.
I was reluctant to think about those days, and I had almost no good memories.
I didn't expect him to regret it. He had promised me before getting married, but his restless heart was revived at that time and he didn't listen to it no matter how he said it.
I waited for ten years, but I couldn't wait for him to turn back.
Unexpectedly, my son’s idea was surprisingly consistent with me. Should I say that I am worthy of being my biological child?
In the page that continued to turn back, my son's painting seemed to have skipped ten years and came directly to my life after the divorce.
This painting is the first time I was eating the rice cooked by my son. The warmth is vividly displayed on the paper, which reminds me of the rice he cooked for the first time, which is almost finished with a hint of sweetness.
The taste of the dishes he made is really edible, but now the food he cooks is much delicious, and I like it a little.
The name of this painting is home.
The paintings started on the next page, some of them made my heartbeat less regular.
The next painting is the scene where he gave me a massage.
That time, my son gave me the first idea and solution to fight Blue Island. If it weren't for his idea, I wouldn't have said that I would be unemployed now, right?
But this painting is different from the previous few. If the first few paintings pay more attention to the scene and sensory expression, this painting is a more prominent outline of the human body lines.
The bulge in his crotch, the curve of my hips, the smooth and delicate naked shoulders and the description of his plump breasts, all of these particularly sexually suggestive parts of the gender, which made people's attention when looking at this painting suddenly gathered on these parts.
And the name of this painting is throbbing.
Judging from this painting, I seem to have found the beginning time when my son’s cognitive changes have occurred to me.
And at that time, I didn't care at all.
If I had realized it at that time, things would not have developed to this point, right?
With a little concern but more anticipation, I turned to the next page.
It was a rainy night and it was also the title of this painting.
It was that day, my son was carrying me through the water-filled streets on a rainy night.
He carried me very high, and would rather be soaked all over than let me touch a drop of water and rain, and his face was indeed covered with sweat and rain.
What touched me was that I held the umbrella on his head in the painting.
In fact, that night I was more on my head.
Now I think back to that night and feel a little sad.
But that time was the first time I felt my son’s manly side, and the first time I treated him as a man.
Continue to turn over this page gently, and what comes to you is a more warm scene painting.
It was us sitting on the bench and he stuffed me his headphones.
We each had one headphone, listening to the songs played in his MP3, I fell asleep leaning on his shoulder, and he looked at me emotionally.
Those are songs I have never heard before. Unexpectedly, after listening to them, I have been listening to those songs for many days. At that time, I didn’t know why I liked it.
The title of this page is the only name that I listened to when I was asleep.
At that time, I was once again touched by the girl's heart after many years.For me, it is the beginning of this road of no return.
I found that I could not guess at what my son would draw on the next page, but I knew that whenever I looked at a painting, I was more excited about the next painting, no matter what it would be.
But the moment the next painting appeared, my breathing was fluctuating. The painting was full of spring.
This was the night he used magic for me and then slept in my bed. I even wore a bra to avoid the throbbing he shouldn't have during adolescence.
Until I saw this painting, I thought nothing happened that night.
But this painting shows me sleeping on my side. He leaned against me from behind, putting one hand on my waist, and the other hand actually reached into the lace bra I was wearing at that time and rubbing my breasts!
Too much more, his son actually used his bottom to stretch his legs and rub it!
Oh my God, what was he doing then?
If I had known it at that time, I would have to make him fucked.
Is this what my son should do to his mother?
However, when I only found out about this, I was not so angry and even felt a little blushing. I was obviously not thinking about anything.
I can't read this painting too much, I'm afraid I will think of something I shouldn't think of.
The title drawn on this page is Sleeping Together.
On the next page, it is about National Day.
It was a scene where I played tennis with Federer and Sharapova from the perspective of my son.
There are only me and him in the painting, and the two stars have just been crossed by a few lines.
Even his son is just a foil in the painting.
The main thing I draw is the moment I hit the ball, full of power and impact, and I feel like I saw the way I looked at when I was at the peak of my school days.
And the title of this painting seems to be a dream that has been specially created for me.
I feel very complicated now. Although I can't say it, I don't feel bad.
This feeling of looking at myself from my son's perspective is very special, as if I felt that if I were my son, I would also hope that this kind of intention would be seen by that person.
I don’t know how many paintings there are in this album, I just want to appreciate them one by one, each of which is a particularly precious memory and mood.
The title of the next painting is written on the top favorite.
That was the scene of my son wearing a necklace for me on my birthday.
The me in the painting is like me at that time, with a faint smile floating on my face, and I admire its beauty back and forth in the mirror.
At that moment, I felt extremely happy, much stronger than when I wore a ring when I got married.
Thinking about it now, if I was the one I am at that time, I would definitely hug my son, right?
I looked at the title again and it was a pun: what I love the most is the necklace my son gave me, and what my son loves the most is me...
With a sense of happiness filled with my heart, I turned to the next painting.
This is a particularly beautiful picture in my eyes.
The bright stars and bright moon at night are hanging high with undulating sea level in the dark night sky in the distance, with their light blooming.
Under their light, at the end of the blue sea, following the footprints symbolizing our journey, the breeze blew my hair, and my son hugged me, who was only wearing a bikini, and gave an emotional kiss.
Although it was only a moment at that time, it left the most important mark in our hearts.
The title of this painting is quite meaningful, but I hope it will last forever.
Through the scenes depicted in each painting, the problems that I have always been contradictory and entangled in my heart seem to become clearer and clearer.The so-called intention can only be seen clearly when you look at it face it.
What will be the drawing on the next page?
I continued to read back with full expectation and curiosity.
When the next painting appeared, I was stunned.
The painting has no title. I looked carefully and noticed that it was a scene where he handed me the trophy after winning the interstellar competition.
But this obviously didn't happen, so why did it draw it?
Is there any connection between it and he has not named the painting yet?
There is no judgment for the moment.
But you can see how eager his son is to win this championship in front of me, and even thought about the scene of handing the trophy to me in advance.
Only now can I fully understand why my son takes this competition so seriously and works so hard, and blames himself so much after not winning the championship.
If this painting is a possible occurrence in the near future, then the next painting will surprise me even more at first sight.
This painting still has no title.
In the painting, I was wearing a white wedding dress, and an adult man knelt on one knee to put a ring on me and kissed it.
Obviously, this is not the wedding dress I wore when I got married.
Moreover, the man could tell at a glance that it was not that man, but his son when he grew up.
My eyes became a little blurred, my eyes were sour, and I felt very uncomfortable.
I can't tell what I was thinking at this moment, but I was touched indescribably.
What exactly was touched can't be said at all.
Is it the dissatisfaction of the previous marriage or the beautiful yearning of this painting...
I have no idea.
But in my heart, I never thought about the scene in the painting.
I don't know when my son started thinking about this, and I won't blame him for this, because everything I see in this painting is love.
I trembled and let out a long sigh, and continued to look through the next painting that was already unpredictable.
This is a painting where all three people are laughing.
Well, yes, three people.
The painting is like I watched him holding a little baby to make the baby happy.
Judging from the depiction of the baby in the painting, it is probably a girl.
He teased her like a father, and kissed my cheek.
And I smiled happily in the painting.
The softest part of my heart was once again deeply touched.
Isn’t my son’s description of the life at home that I yearn for the most in my life?
How warm...
But, son Ah, such a scene cannot happen to us mother and son, right?
With a feeling of loss, I turned a page back.
This is still a deck of title.
The baby in the painting has become a little girl, wearing a pair of ponytails and a beautiful little skirt.
There are three people in the painting, me, him, and the little girl. The little girl held our hands, and looked at the bright sunshine in the distance in the flowers and meadows in a park with her back to her.
Is this little girl our child in her son’s fantasy?
Can this be the case?
Am I thinking too much?
I couldn't help but look over again, trying to find the answer.
But there is nothing behind, and this album ends here.
I closed the album and couldn't calm down for a long time.
It turned out that my son knew everything very well and he was always facing his heart.
I am the only one who just escapes and deceives himself.
But, son, please forgive your mother and cannot respond to your heart, because after all, I am your mother...
After all, I will be responsible for your whole life.
mom?Suddenly, my son's soft call pulled me back from my flying thoughts.I hurriedly put the album into his drawer and closed it, hoping that he didn't notice it.
Liu Ruxue SIDE ends //
My mother's face was full of surprise. She stood up from my computer desk, walked to my bed, stroked my cheeks, and looked at me gently. There seemed to be two tears on the corners of her eyes.
Mom, what's wrong?I just woke up and asked blankly, your eyes...
Yes, nothing.Mom smiled and shook her head, then she bent down and kissed my forehead. I was just cleaning, so don't worry about me.
After saying that, my mother got up and left my bedroom.
I woke up and sat up.
An invisible force drove me to look at where my mother was just now, next to my computer.
Why is mom there?
I looked at the computer desk with doubts and noticed that the second drawer seemed to be a little protruding.
Didn’t I lock that drawer?
Why...
I suddenly felt uneasy and hurriedly got out of bed to check, but found that the drawer was indeed not locked.
I opened the drawer even more uneasy, hoping it was just a simple accident.
However, the placement of the album has obviously been moved, so I couldn't let it sway like this.
Did my mother open the drawer with the key?
This is my first thought.
I quickly lifted the base of the computer monitor, and the key was still there, obviously not moving.
In the end, did I forget to lock it when I finished drawing it in the morning?
I thought about it. Just after finishing the drawing, my mother kept urging me to go to dinner when the meal was ready.
Seeing that she called out several times, I didn't respond, so she walked towards my bedroom.
In desperation, I just put the album in, closed the drawer and went out. At that time, I thought about turning back and locking it, but I didn't expect to forget it.
But I never thought that my mother would be caught by my rare carelessness.
I felt a little panicked because I was not ready for my mother to see this album now. I planned to wait until everything was cooked before showing it to her.
Now, my mother has seen it, but I can't guess what she will think after seeing it.
After all, there are scenes where I fantasize about getting married and living after marriage. What my mother can’t accept when she sees it?
But I have read it all, no matter how much I regret it, it will be useless.
Let’s see what my mother will react, let me see you again.
If she doesn't mention it on the initiative, I still want to think that none of this has happened.
During dinner, my mother didn't talk much, just had to eat on her own.
I found several home-cooked topics along the way, but my mother just said a few words and said nothing.
From her eyebrows, it can be seen that she is worried.
Needless to ask, it must be the album that made her think about it all the time. After all, the album that you suddenly see will be a big impact on her.
I can't do anything, and it's even more impossible to spread it out. I can only pray silently that things should not go in a bad direction.
After taking a shower at night, my mother changed into an elegant dress and put on a coat, which looked like she didn't look like a home clothes.
Moreover, my mother had no intention of going back to the bedroom to rest at all, but she looked like she was going out.
A very bad premonition arose in my heart. The moment my mother put her hands on the door handle, I stood up from the sofa and asked: Mom, it's so late, where are you going?And there was a strong wind outside.
I wanted to go out for a walk, but I was detained in the hospital for a few days, but I haven't gone out these days, so I want to go out for some breath.
My mother opened the door, put on her shoes, and responded lightly, "It's okay, I'll be back after a while, at most half an hour."
As he said that, my mother stepped out of the door and was about to close it.
Wait for a moment Mom.I ran over and grabbed the door barefoot and said with a longing face, "I'll go with you, okay?"
Well... Mom's eyes moved down, she was silent for a while before nodding slightly and agreed, "Okay, if you don't feel bored."
My mother and I walked on the quiet path, if we ignored the sound of the wind.
The house we live in is bought by my mother after divorce with her own savings. It is a new community with a low occupancy rate.
So after nine o'clock in the evening, there were almost no people downstairs in the community.
I looked around twice, but no one saw it.
The greening in the community is done well. No matter where you walk, there are lush trees on both sides of the path. There is a small lake every two or three hundred meters. We are walking by the small lake now.
My mother said she chose to buy this place at that time, and she was interested in the quiet environment, the quieter the better.
At that time, I didn’t understand what my mother meant, but now I understand a little bit.
My mother walked very slowly, a bit like the close-up of the host walking slowly through it in some literary documentaries.
My mother wrapped her arms around her chest, her eyes always looked at the trees in front of her left, looking worried, and I stood on her right.
My mother's flat heels made a crisp sound when she stepped on the asphalt road, knocking on my eardrums and in my heart.
The strong wind along the way did not stop for a moment, and the fragrance from the trees in the air blew on my face and my mother's faces, and also gave the quiet path a little bit of anger.
It blew my mother's hair with a high ponytail in front of me, and the hair on her hair beside her ears, as if she was waving to me and saying to talk to her.
It's Ah. Although my mood is very complicated now, I am a man after all. My mother is like this now. Do I have to wait for my mother to speak on her own initiative?
I followed my mother's gaze and landed on rows of willow branches swaying in the wind. I couldn't help but chant: Jade made up a tall tree, with thousands of green silk ribbons hanging down.I don’t know who cuts out the thin leaves, but the spring breeze in February is like scissors.
Um?After hearing this, my mother faced me for the first time and asked a faint doubt. Why did she suddenly start reading a poem?
Mom, you said, this is the first poem you taught me when you were a child, right?I responded with a faint smile, and when I saw the willow tree again, I couldn't help but miss it.
It's Ah.
My mother raised her head slightly, and the scene at that time seemed to appear in front of her, saying, "At that time, you were less than three years old, you bought you a book of Tang poetry."As a result, you will not read "Quiet Night Thoughts" and you will not read "Praise the Farmer".As a result, I was so angry that I decided that you would not be able to study in the future.I threw the book to you, and you turned page by page, but when I arrived at the page of "Ying Liu", I became very excited, and grabbed my hand and kept saying 'This is this'.Unexpectedly, I just recited it once, and you learned it immediately, and memorized it. I recited it ten times a day, and my ears were filled with calluses, haha.
At the end of my mother's speech, a rare smile appeared on her face. Does "Ode to Willow" have any magic to you?
Because I think it is not written in willows, but in depicting mothers.
I took my mother to the row of willow trees, stared at it and said, "When I got old, I went to read the book, I realized that this poem was indeed a chanting poem about people."But do you remember when I asked mom why you named Liu Ruxue?
Well, remember.
Mom nodded slightly and smiled, "I said it was my grandfather who took it casually. At that time, there were not many people who could read, and they used it all.At that time, you were like a little adult and said, "It's not like that!"’.Is my name a special meaning? Can I still not know?
Did it come up with my mother's grandfather?Didn’t it be my mother?
I was a little surprised, but it didn't seem to be particularly surprised, so I nodded to agree and continued, but this name is only suitable for my mother.Although it is as gentle and energetic as willow branches, it is still as green as before without the wind and rain, but it is as white and beautiful as snow, cold and arrogant as strong as warmth.Isn’t this the mother described?
As I said that, I slowly turned my face to my mother and looked at her beautiful side face.
Is that right?... My mother was silent for a long time, looked up at the swaying willow branches, breathed a sigh of relief, and said skeptically. This is the first time I can still interpret this when I heard my name.But indeed, it may be because of my surname that I have always had a special liking for willows.Especially, weeping willows growing by the water.
As he said that, my mother looked down at the reflection of the weeping willows reflected in the small lake.
My mother walked a few steps closer to Xiaohu, and I followed her up.
Next to our feet, there was a sign that said the water in the lake was not as deep as it was, and swimming was prohibited.
My mother's beautiful face was reflected in the lake.
Maybe it's because only water understands weeping willows best.
I looked at the reflection and said from the bottom of my heart that no matter what the weeping willow is doing and what happens, the lake water will be with me, telling the weeping willows now without reservation.
No, because only water is the clearest.
Mom shook her head lightly and said meaningfully, but since it is water, there will always be a dirty day.Even the clear spring on the Tianshan Mountain cannot escape such a fate.Everything will deteriorate.
I looked at my mother with some emotion, saying nothing, not knowing how to respond.
You said that it is clearly water that has changed its quality, but it is still clear that you must say that you are still clear. Isn’t it ridiculous?
My mother said something in her words, "Do you dare not face reality?"Or are you afraid of being hated?Or, because it is clear that that is wrong?
What's wrong?All are natural truths.
I looked at the sparkling water surface under the moonlight and looked to myself, isn’t this natural truth? Isn’t it that the only thing that remains unchanged in the world is that everything is changing?
So, do you think that's right?
My mother looked at me with a complicated gaze for the first time. Suddenly, a strong wind blew, rustling the willow branches. My mother's voice was blown a little trembling. Marry her mother's mother?Even having a baby?
My mother's face was so she couldn't see through it.
It's with your beloved woman.
Now that things have come to this point, I know that I have no way out, and I must not retreat under my mother's urge to ask. I must speak the truest voice deep in my heart, but the woman I love happens to be my mother.
What are you talking about?
Although my mother said what she had just said, she still looked very surprised when she heard me say this. Her brows stretched out, shook her head in disbelief, and frowned and asked softly, "Do you know what you are talking about?"
I love you.At the moment of speaking, I hugged my mother tightly with both hands, raised my head and pressed her lips directly against my mother's hot red lips.
Well, the wavy mom was obviously caught off guard.My mother did not respond to my kiss, but pushed me away and scolded angrily, "What are you doing in Zhou Wenhao!"
Mom, don’t you really have no feelings for me?
I lowered my head in disappointment and said in frustration, our hugs, our kisses, those happy times, those times when you worry... are all true, right?Why...will not respond to your heart?
Wenhao, if some of my mother's actions give me a wrong signal, my mother apologizes to you.
Mom slowed down her tone and took a step back, but you know, it was still time to look back and everything was still time.You...we can't...we can't make mistakes again and again.Yes, mom must admit that you have been having a lot of fun with you recently.But mom knows what our relationship is, and I know what that kind of happiness means.Don't force your mom, okay?I'll give it to you, and it's also possible to continue getting along, okay?
Mom choked up at the end of the conversation.
From the words, you can tell how conflicted and entangled she is now.
No, I don't want it!
I had lost my mind at this time and said almost hysterically, Mom, don’t suppress myself, okay?Ask your heart, do you really... don't like me?Really, don't you feel anything about me?I don't believe it, I don't believe that your actions have been deliberately lying to me these days.No, I won't believe it.
You don’t listen to what mom said, right?
My mother put her hand on the necklace I gave her. She shook her head excitedly and said with a little crying voice, "You want to listen to my wishes, right?"Only when you hear it can you give up, right?OK, I'll show you what I want.
Just as I was still understanding what my mother meant, she pulled the necklace off suddenly, and the next second I realized what she was going to do, before I could respond, she turned around and threw the necklace into the lake vigorously.
Ah？！
My heart plummeted with the necklace thrown by my mother, and then sank to the bottom of the lake.
I almost didn't think. When I heard the dong sound and saw the necklace splashing tiny water, I jumped into the lake.
With the sound of thumping when entering the water, I could only hear a loud bang, and the sky shone brightly and white in an instant.
This lightning came in time, illuminating the originally dim underwater. The luster of the necklace reflected into my eyes with the light of this lightning, and I was able to confirm its location.
I swam quickly towards the necklace.
The clothes I had not taken off on my body made me sink rapidly, and I had to get the pendant before I could not swim.
It looks very close, but why is it so far? I still can't reach it after swimming for a long time.
I could vaguely hear my mother calling me. It was like an ear pressing on one end of the water pipe, listening to the sound it made at the other end of the water pipe by the vibration of the water pipe. It was so deformed that it could not be heard.
The continuous lack of oxygen began to instinctively feel fear and send out a signal of wanting to live. The lake filled my facial features, as cold as if I were in an ice cellar.
It's so cold and so black, only the necklace is the only light under the lake.
But none of this could stop me. Even if something really happened, I had to get the necklace.If you can't get the necklace, nothing makes sense.
I swam forward quickly with all my might and finally caught it before the necklace sank so much that I couldn't see it.
I held it tightly in my hand and swam up the water with all my might.
But at this time, I realized that I could hardly swim!
The last time I swam was in the second grade of elementary school, I didn’t remember many things.
In addition, I have been in the water for some time, and I feel like I am one meter away from the water surface.
The most terrifying thing is that when I was halfway through the swim, I suddenly felt weak all over, and the harsh beeps in my ears. All kinds of impressive things that have appeared in my mind like a lantern, like a carousel, and all kinds of happy and sad things have appeared in my mind like a carousel.
I even saw a very bright light on the lake surface attracting me. During this period, I couldn't feel the suffocation, and my whole body was floating and extremely comfortable.
The end of the light seemed to be my mother's smiling face, and I was heading towards her with relaxed body, even if I didn't need any strength.
Is this what I feel before dying?No, at least, I have to wait until I hand over the necklace to my mother before I die?Let's hold on for a while, Zhou Wenhao, it's good for a while, just a while...
Xiaohao, come to mom.
I returned to my childhood, and my mother waved at me from afar with a rattle on the green grass.
The warm sunshine shone on her body, and from that moment on, my mother became the person I love the most.
In an unfamiliar posture, I jumped to my mother and threw myself into her arms...
Mom, don't leave me...
Then there was a dead silence that lasted for unknown lengths.
Xiaohao, Xiaohao... Xiaohao!
In this dark and darkness, I clearly heard my mother's call, as if it was right in my ears.
But I couldn't respond to my mother's actions. I couldn't cry even if I wanted to cry. It was even more a dream to hug her.
Mom, do you like me?I almost only have the will to respond to my mother.If I can't get through this disaster, at least it's a question I want to know the answer before I die.
I like you, mom likes you.I'm not sure if it was my last psychological hint or if I really got my mother's response, but I did hear this response in my heart.Then everything is worth it.
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