Chapter 44 Diary

Yun Lan pouted and acted coquettishly in the hotel: Husband, can Lan Lan take a look at the box?

I carefully raised the purple box, but was taken away by Sister Lan. Her ears were shaking close to each other for a long time, and she couldn't hear anything. She threw them on the bed casually. Then she lay on the bed and raised her tender white feet, sighing softly: So tired.

Sister Lan was so dissatisfied with the box. I gritted my teeth and raised my hand to slap her perky buttocks wrapped in jeans.

Bang, the two round and towering buttocks swayed a wave of flesh, um... Yun Lan subconsciously stroked her red lips, and a soft moan could not stop rushing out of her fingers, clear and bright echoing in the room. She puffed up her mouth and shouted dissatisfiedly: Don’t spank randomly, you won’t have sex with Lan Lan!

After hearing Sister Lan's dissatisfied humming, I felt a little disheartened. I thought about the future of the two of them. I stared at the colorful curtains with a confused look. Just a week ago, I was still in pain in my room. Two weeks ago, her name was Yunlan, she had a boyfriend named Lin Jun, my name was Haotao, and a girlfriend of Jiang Zhenzhen.

But now things are developing so fast that I should have been caught off guard, but now I feel a sense of happiness that should be rightful.

I lack preparation in my heart, but I accept this treatment honestly. I still lack many memories about Sister Lan, which seem to be hidden in that box, but it doesn't matter. What's important is that Sister Lan likes me, and I obviously like this irritable, delicate, and cute girl. If I am standing in front of Haotao who was hesitant in junior high school, I can answer him loudly: Yun Lan does not treat you as a toy, and does not ignore your feelings. She is the girl in the world who cares about, understands the most, and likes you the most.

What are you thinking about?Yun Lan became increasingly dissatisfied.

Ah, I'm wondering what we're going to do next.

Let’s have three months of love first and pay back everything my husband owes me!Yun Lan said without hesitation.

What should students do if they ask you for the final exam soon? What should you do if you have menstruation?

Leave it, make up for the exam. If Lanlan has menstruation, she can have sex with her husband with her mouth, feet and hands, or should she try Lanlan's butt?

The girl gently circled the tailbone with her fingers. She was very detailed and appropriate. She refused to say a word of what she didn't care about. She talked about everything she cared about and was easy to understand. She turned over and acted coquettishly: If you don't say these, hug Lan Lan!

Dongdong!Dongdong!Someone hurriedly knocked the door, with a heavy rhythm, or it could be described as a rush.

The uneasiness in my heart became stronger and stronger, and the sound seemed to be hitting the heart, thumping!Plop!Yunlan looked up and shouted at the door: No takeout, no service, thank you!

Sister Lan!Sister Lan!You are indeed here.

It was not said by me, but the sound fell into my ears and made me fall into the ice kiln. I felt so embarrassed and wanted to cry out loud. I didn't understand why. I just looked at Sister Lan's figure walking towards the door, tears occupied my eyes. I reached out to stop me, but couldn't make any sound, as if the person who said he would never leave me was about to leave forever, and the person who said he loved me was about to take someone else's hand.

Husband, there is an old acquaintance outside, and Lanlan went to get him out.

My cowardice, sensitivity, and pessimism seem to be engraved in the genes. It is reflected in every unconscious thought of me and in every subconscious reaction of me. I trembled and put on my shoes, as if I returned to the corridor of the second year of high school. My steps were so heavy and my consciousness was so blurred. No, it must be that I had a memory that was confused. This messy memory without warning must have been made wrong, absolutely wrong!

Sister Lan confronted a boy in the corridor. I really didn't want to see what he looked like, so I just lowered my head and listened to the conversation between the two.

Sister Lan, I have been looking for you for a long time. It happened that this hotel was opened at home, and they said you are here.

Tell me, what's the matter with me?After saying it in three sentences.

Sister Lan, I want to get back together with you, no, I mean I can be your toy, I can do it, he can do it, I can do it, I have figured out these things long ago, after he leaves, you will leave school, Sister Lan.I have been looking for you all the time. I met my uncle at your house. I was very angry at that time and found my dad. I really beat me up, but I never gave up. I really like you, and I can agree to anything, really!

Bastard dad!

The little bit of good feelings that Mr. Yun had just accumulated from his daughter disappeared. If this guy came to me earlier, he could have sent me or even solved it. Why did he meet in such an awkward scene? At this point, she looked up and smiled and said: Three sentences have come. Originally, I want to have a good talk with you, but my husband is sensitive and fragile, and he is still an autistic guy. I don’t want him to see us entangled here, so go quickly, don’t come to me, otherwise you will be responsible for the consequences.

Sister Lan, who are you talking about?!Is that guy? Didn’t you tell him that he is an outdated toy, a guy that no one wants, a disgusting thing, and he scolds you like this, how could he be...

It seems that you don't want to live anymore.

At the moment when he spoke at the top of his lungs, Yun Lan realized that things were not so simple. She was a keen and smart girl, but the joy of falling in love at this moment numbed her like a drug. She shivered and prepared to turn around.

Sister Lan, don’t leave!

The man suddenly knelt on the ground and wailed: I can do anything, I can be your new toy. Even if you go to find other toys, I won’t care, as long as you don’t abandon me like you do!Ah!

Yun Lan raised her kick and kicked the man over, turned around, and nothing unexpected happened. Hao Tao was standing behind her, lowering her head and unable to see her expression. She trembled violently. After thinking for a while, she called softly: Husband, these things have passed, and you promised Lan Lan not to care about it anymore. Okay, go back to the room, Lan Lan will explain to you.

Sister Lan, Sister Lan, you can’t leave me like this. I am the one who loves you the most. I will solve it for you at that time...Ah!!!He was hit in the kidney and curled up on the ground and struggled.

I……

Why am I here, why am I angry, why am I crying, I...

Am I qualified to do all this?

This devil-like girl took away everything around me, and once held up my most precious feelings high, smashed them to the ground and shattered them into powder, drifting away with her laughter.

I should understand that when I doubt whether she likes me, she just doesn't like me. It's like roasting a fire in the fire, and she won't ask what warmth is.

but……

It's really painful...

I am just one of her toys. She will have all kinds of brand new toys that are obedient than me, better looking than me, and more fun than me...

I was so sad, not because of the words she said to me, but because I began to doubt whether I liked her.

No, I should like her, but I can't integrate into her life.

There is nothing, and nothing is seen. Yun Lan, her parents, Shi Ping, Zhenzhen, Wen Liang are all so far away from me.

I lowered my head and said softly: Yun...Yun Lan...I'm a little thirsty...I...I want to go down to buy a bottle of water...Yun Lan put on a very calm look at her face. There were three people in the corridor. She was the only calm and peaceful one, and one curled up on the ground due to the torn body, and the other was trembling due to the disintegration of her mind.

Of course, in her eyes, it was just a small episode, and it would be comforted and calmed down immediately and resolved the farce. She cleared her throat and said in the tone of the interrogator and oppressor: I don’t agree. You must come into the house with me, listen to my explanation, and be calm.

Yun...lan...I want to calm down... Can you give me some time?My hands began to shake, and two lines of tears couldn't help falling.

Haotao!Do you understand what I mean? Now, go back with me immediately!Yun Lan's attitude was not shaken at all, and she burst into anger and pointed at the door and shouted.

Looking at the girl's eyes, I felt as if I had returned to the classroom at the end of the corridor of the second year of high school. I also looked so arrogant. After entering, the man began to grop on Yun Lan, and his touching movements were as hungry and disgusting as those adults when I was young.

Yun Lan pushed the man to block the man, walked up to me, and scolded sharply: Don’t think that I, Yun Lan, must be you, you are just a toy for me!Now it's just a disobedient toy!What's on hand? Take it for me.

At that time, I refused to take out the letter paper, just as I refuse now: I don’t want it!You let me calm down for a while!

Back to reality, Yun Lan in the corridor stared at the boy with a sharp look. Just as she was about to speak, she saw him raise his hand and hit the wall again, leaving mottled blood on the cement white wall. She screamed in confusion: Haotao, are you crazy!

Are you crazy?

A few years ago, Yun Lan also questioned this in the classroom. I turned around and was kicked in the waist by her. Then she tore the envelope on my hand and cursed: He is touching me, your first reaction is to run away, are you crazy?Did you go to find that bitch?

Haotao roared in the classroom, more like a mourning cry: I'm not crazy, I hate you, I will never forgive you, you are a vicious woman, a lewd bitch, get out, get away, never appear in front of me again!

Haotao!!

The memories were interrupted again, Yun Lan's eyes were stained with water marks, and she raised her hands and roared: We finally got together, but we quarreled about such a thing. Are you worthy of me!Do you still like Zhao Shiping?Still can’t forget Jiang Zhenzhen?You wait, I will go back and kill them all and sink all the women you know into the river!

Enough!Yunlan!!!You have to believe me... I like you the most in my life... I never ask you to be so good to me. My biggest wish is that you can understand me. Can you believe me? Can you not even do this!!

asshole!!!Do you know what you are saying? I don’t understand you, I don’t believe you, who else can do it, who you say!!!How could you treat me like this? It's too much!You are really overdoing it!You go to die, go to die, go to die!!!

My lips were glued and torn apart, and my whole body was immersed in fear, trembling in fear, indulging in phobia, suffocating in fear, I remembered the best solution, and plucked up the courage to jump into the window at the end, and the red painted wooden windows and glass in front of me were broken, and as my hanging body splashed down, at that moment, I heard a scream behind me, I don’t know if it was my beloved girl, it doesn’t matter, go wandering, if I could still live.

Bang!With the loud bang, a purple box hit the wall and debris scattered all over the ground.

A curly-haired girl sat in the hotel room. This snow-white body, who had lost her soul and lost her meaning, seemed like a miserable flash of cereus in the mess all over the ground.

In the hazy, when she heard the window being knocked, she raised her head and stared at the glass. Unfortunately, the miracle did not happen. There were two brown lights faintly, like two tiny black holes, slowly sucking everything from the girl. She knew that it was the crow's eyes. Then, a vague black shadow appeared in the glass. She waved at the crow in the dark. The crow looked at her with her head tilted, as if she was not afraid of people.

She grabbed a piece of bread and handed it out the window. The crow made a rattle and screamed, picked up the food and flew into the sky.

She walked back to the center of the room lonely and lonely, squatted down carefully, and packed up the purple fragments on the ground.

The girl felt regretful. This was her husband's most precious thing and should be kept well before returning.

After sorting it out, there was a heavy diary, a piece of letter paper, a map, and a transparent plastic bag inside, which looked like mud, and the rotten smell was vaguely smelled.

When she opened the first page, the boy wrote his handwriting very seriously, every stroke and every stroke was regular, full of emotion. At this moment, she felt that her mood had calmed down.

She pursed her lips and looked down for a while. An irrepressible feeling of resentment lingers in her chest, rumbling in her heart. She grabbed the diary suddenly, torn it apart, and roared: Shiping, Shiping, Shiping, are all Shiping, bastard, you bastard.

The girl leaned on her arms, between the seemingly warm arms. The names repeated in the diary stinged her eyes. She trembled and stroked her cheeks with her hands tremblingly, silently.

The three words Zhao Shiping kept flashing through my mind, and the diary seemed to be swearing to her something. She should have been eliminated, given up, and accepted reality long ago.

She closed her eyes in despair, hugged herself with all her strength, and hugged the broken heart tightly. Her forehead gently touched the cold tabletop. For some reason, she was already in tears.

Clap, tears fell on the yellowed letter paper. At this moment, she thought of the pain she suffered, the notes placed in her room, and the strokes were full of boy's shadows. The things he liked, the people around him were full of love. She had really tried her best. Starting from junior high school, she tried all kinds of methods. In high school, she even thought about how he jumped out from under the piano table and blocked her in front of her when she was a child. She was desperate and wanted to try again. Perhaps those dirty hands touched her body again, and the boy's heart would return to her side. Unfortunately, the cruel boy just refused to look back and even said those words that made her fall into hell.

What made her most collapse today was that Haotao said that she did not trust him and said that she did not understand him. These two sentences were even more excessive than the malicious scolding in high school. She was Yun Lan. She used to be the one who understood and trusted Haotao the most. Now that she heard such ridiculous words, she was completely defensive and made things go out of control.

Cough, she coughed up a little blood, and murmured: If you don’t like me, then die together... At that time... I’d be better if you strangle you to death, and then commit suicide... At least at that time, you only have me in your eyes...

The heat of Shanghai at dusk has passed, and wisps of cool breeze blown in through the window. Thinking of her going to cut the man she loved deeply into pieces, she felt a little hesitant. She shook her dizzy head and said in the direction of the boy's escape: Come here soon, it won't hurt you... No one loves you more, understands you more, and trusts you more than Lan Lan. Only Lan Lan can be born and dies with you...

She walked quickly to the window, closed it quickly, and when she walked out of the door, she turned around and turned around. There was a yellowed letter paper bonded with transparent tape on the other side. She sat back on the desk like a sharp dagger and read the letter paper aloud, just like the oath before the war.

Seeing the truth is like meeting for a long time, you must be with the person you like.

Forgive me for falsifying this rude sentence, but this is what I want to say to you after careful consideration.

Just like when I am in front of you, every cell is filled with love and joy.Even though I was denying it in my heart, reality told me that this was a subconscious expression, or my original intention.

Yes, I have been lying to myself. I am actually full of you. Maybe the years we have spent are too painful, but every time late at night, I will remember the warm embrace of the past and the soft whispers of the past.

I remember when I first met you, I felt that this little girl was so beautiful. It was not until you reached out and threw her hard on my face that I realized that this was a girl who couldn't smile. I instinctively wanted to tease her, and instinctively wanted to smile on her beautiful cheeks, because I believe that this must be the best smile in the world.

Maybe we only have pain in our memory, but all the torture and suffering I suffered will disappear in your smile.

You are a gentle and polite girl. I folded a gardenia and sent you back a sweet smile, which is unforgettable to me.

There are many obstacles between us, including parents, classmates, and even my own obstacles. I asked myself over and over again, what does it feel like to like? Is it accelerating heartbeat or shortness of breath?

No, this will also happen if you have a cold or sick.

I think liking is a warm feeling and a sense of peace of mind.

Like you walk into the dark room, the warmth that surged at that time, like you hold me in your arms, and the peace of mind that cleanses me at that time.

I like you, I love you, I want to stay away from this trouble with you and start a new life, so I went to the newsstand to buy a map and took notes on it seriously.

The first destination I have ever thought about is Sichuan. Life is leisurely and it is also a spicy hometown. You like to eat spicy food and read books in the sun. Being there will definitely make you relaxed and comfortable, but I think that eating spicy food often is not good for the stomach and intestines, and I think you will despise it too hot. If the electricity and water are cut off, you will definitely complain.

I have thought about cities in the north, such as Harbin. I heard that there is plenty of heating there and it will not be too cold, but when you go out in a heavy coat, the cold wind will blow away your smile and the cold snow will cover up your figure. Please forgive my little willfulness, because, my dear, I just want you to carve into my eyes.

I thought about how we should survive. I could be an office worker from 9 to 5, or I could lift up tools to be a worker. Of course, when I couldn’t find a job, I could go to the bar to sing and keep my life going.

I know you don't want me to show up in public, I don't mind picking up kitchenware at home and making a dish that never repeats every day to please you.

I thought about buying a big bed with soft cotton wool on it, and I could hug you, kiss you, and leave our happy footprints.

I thought we should have a child. I know that after we suffer, she will definitely grow up healthy and happy in our arms. Please forgive me for being more girls than men. I want a daughter, a girl as gentle and kind as you. Seeing you grow up happily, it is simply heaven.

Do you know, I can actually not want what I think. As long as I can be with you, lying with you in a sunny room, watching the clouds in the window float by one by one, counting one day and counting one life, or hugging each other on the road, not going anywhere, just hugging each other, let me accept the envious eyes of others, let me accept the blessings of others, please forgive my little vanity, because you are so dazzling and so beautiful.

Just like this day after day, when we are old and can't walk, I will hold your hand and tell you again that being able to know you is the luckiest thing in my life. I have never regretted hiding under the dark piano table. I have never regretted it. Standing next to the cold table in the court, I have never regretted it. I have never regretted it. I have ever fallen in love with you.

I think, bring this branch of your favorite gardenia and you will come to me. I think, as long as you are by my side, I will have everything. I think, at the beginning of all this, you need to nod and say softly: I do.

I think I will hear this answer that makes me happy soon.

To your favorite Yun Lan, your little mouse, November 15, XX, Yun Lan couldn't stop trembling, starting from the second line, until the end of crying, she would not forget that day, the day when she humiliated Hao Tao at the end of the corridor, the day when he roared and scolded her for a bitch, and the day when he collapsed and collected fragments of letter paper and cried.

She collected fragments of diary scattered on the ground, like a madman, like the boy's cry of collapse that day, hidden in it the boy's humble but great feelings, hiding his unspeakable pain.

Yunlan, Yunlan, Yunlan, and the fragments are all Yunlan, Sister Lan, Sister Lan, Sister Lan, and the lines are full of love.

She pieced together a paragraph and looked at it: Sister Lan said she had someone she liked, not me...

I should be happy...

She answered another paragraph, and her vision became blurry: I have a bad memory recently, and I can't remember what happened during this period. Is it a painful thing? I want to check the diary. This is the shared memory with Sister Lan. I don't want to forget the pain no matter how painful it is. I decided to write a letter to Sister Lan to tell me what I want. Will it bother her? I haven't seen Sister Lan for a long time, and I don't know if she is willing to see me...

I am a bastard, I am not a human being, I want to die so much, I say the most vicious words to attack Sister Lan, I want to post this sentence to the room to punish myself. Even if I forget all my memories, I can't forget that I have hurt Sister Lan.

Among these complicated diary fragments, there are a few of the most eye-catching pieces, full of yellowed blood marks with traces of hair. Yun Lan and Dodo put them together, and imagined in their minds the boy's face of smashing his head into the diary with his face full of blood and tears.

Sister Lan warned me that if I don’t go to find her again, I will kill all the people around me. I really don’t want to go there. I can silently wish Sister Lan happiness in my heart, but if I don’t want to see her intimate and tyrannical urge to strangle that person to death.

I would use violence for the people around me, but I hate violence against Sister Lan. So, today is my last diary. I found my father's sleeping pills for treating anxiety. I only opened it with a bottle.

Spread it evenly in the diary, put it into your mouth one by one, and then write these words in the blank space.

Sister Lan and I have encountered misfortunes since childhood. We both hate violence and torture, but she has changed and has become what I don’t know. She is irritable and irritable, and she fists and feet at any time. From her eyes, I seem to see the shadows of those twisted and hideous adults when I was young. Those terrifying hands used to be our hardships, but now Sister Lan seems to have become those adults, and the stretched hands have become the hardships of others. She shouldn’t have been like this. She is really kind. She is really a good girl. She is so gentle and peaceful when comforting me.

I don’t know what to do. Perhaps the news of my death can make her calmer, or not reach her ears, so that I can leave this world quietly and comfortably.

I don’t want Sister Lan to hurt others just because of myself, so I have this choice.

I hate her, and I can't forgive her, because now she is defiling the body and soul of Sister Lan, whom I love deeply, making Sister Lan so distorted and so vicious. Everything is her fault, not the kind and gentle Sister Lan in my memory.

The sleeping pills have worked, and I seem to be floating among the clouds. If I have a choice, I want to lie on the sofa a few years ago, in that warm embrace, and quietly close my eyes.

After writing this sentence, I should close my eyes and sleep. I thought about it and decided to forgive her. My love for her only allows me to hate her for thirty seconds, and I can’t do more. Finally, I want to bless her: I hope you can forget the pain in the future, and I hope you can get happiness in the future, because you are my favorite Sister Lan.

Yun Lan would not understand why Haotao was so desperate after being threatened by death, because before she knew it, she became the criminals who committed violence. History is always surprisingly similar, and it goes back and forth.

She held her breath and looked down, eagerly witnessing the boy's search for the end of his death.

I was not dead, and my father sent me to the hospital for gastric lavage. After experiencing death, he lost the courage to die at the same time, and his memory became worse. After coming back from the hospital, he forgot what happened. In any case, I want to lock these diaries and live again. I hope I will never recall these things again, and I hope I will never disturb Sister Lan's life again.

Yunlan leaned against the bed in the corner, packing her luggage, and the gap in the window was pecked open by a sharp beak. Under the twilight, two dodging shadows rushed into the room. They didn't care about someone here, but what they cared about was whether this person could give some food.

Yun Lan tried to learn from the crow's cry in the dark: Que, Que.

The two small shadows hesitated on the window. They were not afraid, but were just worried about whether they could fill their stomachs. Yun Lan threw the bread on the floor. The leading crow jumped over little by little, picked up a piece, and placed it in front of another crow. It was very spiritual, spreading its wings as if saying hello: Ga, Ga!

With the afterglow, Yunlan saw clearly the appearance of the crow pecking at bread: her tail was fragmented, one eye was white, and she lost her luster.

She put the mud wrapped in plastic paper bag on her face, gently, softly and gently smelling the rotten smell. This should have been a symbol of her happiness, but it turned into a pile of mud because she was four years late.

She closed the door gently and before leaving, she said goodbye to the two black birds who depended on each other: Gua, Gua

Yunlan picked up the package, walked out of the hotel, and searched along the bustling streets. She wanted to find her injured black bird.

Get out of here.Yunlan repeated the third time.

Feel sorry.A strong man in the suit in the crowd repeated: First... The master wants to see you, and I hope the lady can cooperate with our work.

No, I have something to do now.She said, opening the package and changing the sneakers: If you delay for a while, you will not be able to find him.

At dusk, the little streets and bustling streets seemed to have nothing to do with this place. In front of Yunlan, there was a group of burly men standing in front of him, with the leader being aggressive, but he said politely: Miss, we will help find someone, as long as you go with us.

No, I want to find him myself.

Yunlan rubbed her wrist joints. It seemed that she couldn't be good today. She started to warm up. It depends on what you meant to be strong?I have a suggestion that we will send representatives to duel, whoever wins and listens to whom, can it be OK?

Miss, we are here to invite you back, not to fight and duel. Besides, you are the only woman on your side, so how can you compete with us, a group of rough men?

The strong leader naturally refused. He shrugged his shoulders and instructed the other four to take them away and surrounded Yunlan. Then he took out something from his arms and persuaded him: Please be sure to see this bracelet clearly. The master said that when you see this jade bracelet, you will understand to follow us.

Yun Lan understood a little when she saw the jade bracelet, nodded and said: From this point of view, it is indeed no problem to call me a lady.Then that's it. You guys go back and report your life. Just say that you have seen the things and I will not come over.

The strong man reached out and stopped him and continued to persuade: Miss, I hope you can understand. If you don’t agree, we will stop you.

It seems that there is no choice, so let’s go back to what I said just now. Whoever you fights with me will have the final say.Yun Lan gently kneaded her fingers.

Miss, don’t be so troublesome. I’ll let you punch three times. If you can make me shout out, then you will win.

The strong man was confident and cautious, patted his magnificent chest muscles and said: Miss, don’t be fooled, just fight here!

Well, a good suggestion, after all, I am just a weak girl, so I should give in to me.

Only a loud bang was heard, and the strong man couldn't dodge and hit the side trash can. At the moment of the smashing, everyone heard the whimpering sound of his throat, and the joints of his body were crackling and moaning. Yun Lan punched the strong man with a punch and sighed regretfully: It's really amazing that you haven't shouted out yet. Come here quickly, there are two more punches.

Yunlan!

An old man with pale temples called out the girl's name. He leaned against the corner and nodded to everyone. The four or five men quickly gave up their siege of siege and followed Yun Lan in three or two steps, slowly pressing towards the girl behind the old man. From the strong man who tried his best to get up from the garbage dump and limped to the old man, he looked so frightened, restrained and restrained. I guess the old man was extremely majestic.

The old man looked over with a smile, held Yun Lan's hands kindly, patted them gently, and said: My good granddaughter, you can't be fat anymore.

Yun Lan smiled and stared at the old man with bright eyes. The old man continued: No matter how fat he is, he is exactly the same as Yang Guifei.