Chapter 90 Suicide

I took out the pipe from my father's hand, and my father kept holding it tightly. I used a lot of effort to break my father's fingers apart, and then handed the pipe to Xiaoying. Xiaoying silently put the pipe into her bag with her blood-covered hands.

After arriving at the hospital, Xiaoying and I sat on a chair outside the emergency room. I was so energetic that Xiaoying was already crying very depressed, leaning slanted on my shoulder, closed her eyes and didn't know what she was thinking, her eyes were already crying red and swollen

My father was still in the emergency room to rescue him. The situation was very critical. I don’t know what the final result would be. Xiaoying and I were waiting anxiously outside.

At this time, I took out a piece of paper wrapped in layers of plastic bags from my pocket. This piece of paper was discovered by me when I was finding my father's pipe. There were a lot of people at that time, so I secretly hid the paper because I had a premonition that this piece of paper might have been left intentionally by my father, or it might have been his suicide note. While the fire rescue team was evacuating, the supervisor of my father's company returned to the company to discuss, and I was going to open the paper and see what I wrote.

Opening the layers of plastic bags, the piece of paper finally revealed. I slowly opened it with a complicated mood. I don’t know if there is anything written on this piece of paper or what my father wrote.

I opened it, there were really words on it. I took a deep breath and calmed down, and started reading:

Jincheng, I don’t know if you have seen this letter. If you see this letter, then I may no longer be alive. If I were still alive, I would not let you see this letter.

Don't blame dad, I'm really tired. I've been feeling very tired since your mother died

Although you and Xiaoying are both filial to me and Haohao is also cute and well-behaved, since your mother died, I suddenly felt that I had no motivation to live in this world. Maybe I was too negative, maybe I was too cowardly, maybe death is the liberation for me and can completely relax me.

I have been suffering for a lifetime and tired for a lifetime, but in the end I am very satisfied because I am a family of children and grandchildren.

But in the past half of my life, I felt that I had done too many wrong things. I could not save your mother in the end and let her leave before me. I did not save enough family for you and make you work hard to get married and have children. I did not fulfill the responsibilities that a father should have...

In short, for you and your mother, I am not a good husband; for you, I am not a good father. During this period, my heart has been in pain and entanglement, and it is getting stronger and stronger. In the end, I can't bear it anymore, and I can no longer bear the condemnation and concerns in my heart.

At this moment, the company told me that the storm was coming and asked me to temporarily evacuate Jiangxin Island.

But I feel that this may be an opportunity for me to be completely free. I dare not commit suicide and do not have the courage. Let God make the decision in everything.

If I stay on the island and end up being safe, then you will not see my letter. God will not let me die, then I will deal with it and live

If I die in the end, it means that God wants to punish me, and I will also be liberated.

So this time my life and death will be decided by God

In the drawer in my bedroom, there is a file bag, there is an insurance policy, which I bought three years ago, and the beneficiary is you. According to my understanding at that time, the insured committed suicide two years after the contract took effect, and the beneficiary can receive full insurance compensation. So although I committed suicide, the insurance contract is still valid. I really don’t know the specific compensation amount. You have social experience and legal knowledge. Then you can communicate with the insurance company yourself.

Another thing is the passbook of the rural credit cooperative. It is the living expenses you gave me in the past few years, etc. I secretly saved it up, for fear that one day it will help you. Although the money in it is not much, it represents my wish. I hope you and Xiaoying don’t dislike it.

Xiaoying is a good girl. You two must live a good life. Don’t let her down, otherwise I will not forgive you even if I am in the dark.

We must also raise Haohao well so that he can grow up healthy. Unfortunately, I cannot see him grow up, and I will be the first to be a gold medal in the future, get married and have children.

Forgive me, Jincheng, I am not a qualified father, I have no face to face you and your mother, take care of it...

After reading this short suicide note, my tears fell uncontrollably, and the tears fell on the already very wrinkled suicide note. Before that, my father didn't know how many times he had opened and closed the suicide note.

Xiaoying, who was closing her eyes and thinking, was awakened by my excited body. She saw me crying and her eyes immediately looked at the paper.

Seeing that Xiaoying had woken up, I silently handed over my father's suicide note to her, Xiaoying looked at her silently

Slowly, Xiaoying's tears began to fall, her hand holding the letter began to tremble slightly, her lips trembled, and her silver teeth clenched tightly

My father is atonement. Although my father did not mention the word between him and Xiaoying in his letter, I can still understand everything from my father's last words.

My father used his own death, the insurance, the passbook, to atone for me and to repent for me

Xiaoying's indifference to him also completely lost the motivation to live. He is old. After his mother died, he was lonely and finally had Xiaoying, but he could not get it. Even if he had sex with Xiaoying, his conscience was always condemned. The most important thing is that he was really moved and moved to Xiaoying, but she is his daughter-in-law, a woman he could never get, and a woman he could not get.

Under these sorrowful bonds, under the despair of Xiaoying who completely cut off his hopes, his father chose this path to completely free himself. His father did not reveal his affairs with Xiaoying until his death. Perhaps he was to preserve his reputation and Xiaoying, and he did not want me to have grudges and cracks on Xiaoying. At the same time, he also hoped to leave a good impression on his son in the end when he died. He decided to bring his secret with Xiaoying into the coffin forever.

Finally, after reading the letter, she returned the letter to me. She squatted on the ground and cried loudly, completely ignoring the strange eyes of the patients in other wards.

There are birth, old age, sickness and death in the hospital every day, and doctors and nurses are no longer surprised

I can understand the implicit meaning of my father's suicide note, how could Xiaoying not understand it?

At this time, she might not be able to hate her father at all. She only has guilt, regret, and a little bit of heartache. But what is her exact thought, I can't guess it thoroughly

It's all my fault, it's all my fault. My father's accident, I blamed me. If it weren't for me... After reading the letter, Xiaoying suddenly became very excited, as if she was talking to herself, and as if she was scolding herself

At this time, I suddenly became a little nervous, which made me temporarily forget my father who was still in the emergency room. Xiaoying's last words were the rhythm of preparing to show off with me?

If Xiaoying prepares to tell me about her and her father, how should I deal with it?

Do you pretend not to know or directly admit that everything was arranged by me?

I was not ready to show off with Xiaoying and I at all, but fortunately, Xiaoying stopped in the last sentence and said it only if it weren't for me... Maybe Xiaoying finally reacted and realized that she almost let it go, so she stopped in time.

She looked at me. At this time, I didn't know what my expression was. Maybe my expression was very nervous. I stared at Xiaoying tightly.

If it weren't for me... I had to take you out for a trip, my father wouldn't have any trouble. If we were at home, we could pay attention to the weather forecast and see the weather at home, and we would definitely be able to bring my father back in time. This wouldn't happen. Everything would be blamed on me. If we didn't go out for a trip, nothing would have happened... Maybe I realized that I almost let it go, and it made me suspicious. Xiaoying quickly changed her words and cleverly covered up the matter and avoided the past.

Xiaoying, don't blame yourself. This matter is not your fault. It's God's will, and it's my fault. I just want to work and support my family. I ignore my father's feelings. I ignore the feelings of an elderly person who is lonely. It's my fault to say it's wrong. It's because I haven't fulfilled my filial piety and have never paid attention to my father's changes. So it's not your fault. I squatted down and hugged Xiaoying's shoulders and comforted her softly. Slowly, we sat shoulder-to-shoulder and shoulder-to-shoulder directly on the floor outside the emergency room. We snuggled up to each other. Xiaoying lay on my shoulders and cried never stopped.

If my father recovers, I decided that the tragedy would not repeat itself anyway. I began to think about how to show off with my father, Xiaoying. Perhaps after the showdown, this barrier will be completely eliminated, but if the showdown and how to make things develop in the direction I want, I need to consider it carefully. At this time, I am facing a choice, a choice I should make if my father recovers, what should I do?

Time passes by minute by minute. Xiaoying and I don’t know how long we have sat on the ground. We both forgot about time.

Ding, the light on the door of the emergency room suddenly changed color, and with a slight sound, we knew that the first aid was over

After hearing the sound, Xiaoying and I stood up uncontrollably. We waited, and slowly the door opened. The attending doctor came out first. Xiaoying and I were extremely nervous. We didn't want to hear the bad news. We just wanted to hear the attending doctor saying: The operation was very successful, and the patient was out of danger.

Just when I saw the attending doctor's tired and slightly lost look, my heart suddenly fell to the bottom...

Sorry, we have tried our best...