Chapter 58

I picked up the envelope, it was not sealed, there was a piece of white paper inside.

Take out the white paper and unfold it, and my wife's delicate and clean font appears in front of me

Zhennan, I am at home every day, and I don’t know how to face you. I think about it, but I can only tell you this way. I have never told you lies. Do you think I am hiding or escaping, what I have done cannot be erased.

When I was a child, my dad was busy with work. During the Chinese New Year and the holidays, my mom was the only one working hard at home. From then on, I decided that when I grew up, I would find a partner who could accompany me.

Later, as my father's career continued to expand, more and more people were around me, and more and more people praised me for no reason. Sometimes I found that I also like other people's praises. Later I learned that those praises were all purposeful, either because of my father's relationship or had ulterior motives for me.

I began to hate this circle, and I also started to hate those words, those people

Fortunately, when I was a child, although my father was devoted to his career, my mother loved me very much and never left me. She often took me to travel and learned about the outside world.

Do you still remember the one I showed, the photo I took when I was a child in front of the Potala Palace in Tibet?

I like it very much, and I feel like I have my past life belongs there.

I feel that since I was a child, I have liked such an environment, with mountains, flying snow, singing, pure people, and clean souls.

There is a kind mother there who once showed me palmistry. She said that my mind is simple and clean. There will be disasters in this life. Good fortune depends on myself.

I've always kept it in my heart

Zhennan, before you, there were many people who were better than you who met me through my dad or my mom, but I hate their eyes. I feel that the eyes they looked at me like I was their food and wanted to eat me.

Until I went to college, I met you at CUHK. Didn’t you keep asking me why I agreed to you for so long?

Because I'm looking at you, you are different from them, you are very clean. Although you are attracted by my appearance, I have tested you for so long, and you have not brought me that feeling, that feeling that makes me disgusted

You are sincere and hardworking to me. You said you are from the west, the sky is blue, the mountains are high, and the people are very kind.

I believe you, I have been there too. I want to help the children and the elderly there as much as I can. When I talk to you about my thoughts, your eyes shine. You say that when you make money, I will take me back and help them.

Do you know?

Your kindness is also the reason why I chose you

In the days that followed, you were in the company like my dad, focusing on your career, and even forgot to accompany your son and accompany me.

At first I thought my husband must have remembered our original intention, so I promised my dad to manage the hotel. I thought I could not fall behind my husband and I could not drag him down

Although I really don't like managing hotels

Later, for some reason, I felt that you had forgotten your original intention. He even missed the New Year and the Christmas and even my mother's birthday, just like my dad back then.

This feeling makes me very disgusted. I really don’t want my husband to ignore my son and me because of work. I know that when I was a child, I longed for my father’s love and my parents to accompany me. The whole family was neat and tidy.

For so many years, when my son held parent-teacher meetings, I went there by myself. This scene was exactly the same as when I was a child. At that time, many people thought I was a single-parent family.

Fortunately, our son is very well-behaved, strong and brave.

He doesn't tell you many things, but in fact he misses you very much. After falling asleep several times, I heard him talking in his sleep, saying, Dad, I miss you, I cry, do you know?

I thought we had enough money, I thought that if you become the president of the group, you would pause, but who knows that you will get busier and busier

I want to tell you my feelings, you didn't even have time to tell me, so I'm just talking about it for a few perfunctory words

Once, my son had a high fever in the middle of the night and walked to the bedroom to call me, saying, "Mom, I feel so uncomfortable, I hold him and my whole body gets hot. Do you know at that moment? At that time, I was really scared. I was afraid that something might happen to my son. I was afraid that I didn't take good care of my son. I was even more afraid that I would call you when I faced me, but no one answered me. I was holding my son and ran to the hospital in the middle of the night. Fortunately, my parents arrived in time, and I cried. Do you know? I am really scared.

My wife wrote this, and I remember going back to when my son was just 4 years old, I was studying abroad. Due to the jet lag, I was there during the day and was having a meeting, so my phone was muted.

My wife didn't tell me about this either

After returning from the Olympics in 2008, I thought about finding an opportunity to talk to you. At this time, Yang appeared. At first, I hated him very much. When you brought him to your house for dinner, I really hated him. I thought about our home. Why did a stranger come in? I also noticed that he sometimes secretly looked at me. Although it was not so naked, it also made me feel uncomfortable. Look at you so happy. What can I say

You said Yang was a college student who had just graduated. You said you accidentally hit Yang in school. I'm sorry, I asked Yang to be your secretary. You said Yang was also from the West. You want to train him.

Then I won't say anything

During the last few contacts, I felt that Yang was not that kind of person. Instead, he looked very similar to you in college. Instead, he was very good at caring about people. My resistance to him gradually became less and less.

There was no resistance to him at first, it was on my birthday in 2008

That day you said you would definitely come back with me. I rejected the birthday party prepared by my best friends for me. I want to share my birthday with you and my son. That day, I prepared a lot of your favorite dishes in advance and practiced with my son many times to welcome you home.

I waited for a long time that night, and saw the sky outside the window gradually getting darker, but I didn’t see you coming back. All I waited for was your phone call. You said you wouldn’t be back tonight

Although I don't blame you, I am really disappointed. Fortunately, my son is like a big man, singing birthday songs for me, making me happy, and giving me the little gift he made himself, I was moved and cried.

Later, Yang came to me and said that he knew from my son that I had my birthday today and bought me a birthday gift.

A camera, Yang shyly told me that he had left after a happy birthday. I was really moved.

From that day on, I no longer had any resistance to him and started to communicate with him.

Later, apart from work, he shared more and more things with me. I was like a possessive person and liked what he shared very much.

Yang said he had never seen his father since he was a child, and his mother pulled him into adulthood with one hand. He said that he must repay his mother when he grew up.

Yang said that when he was a child, he was often bullied by his peers because he was poor, and I felt pitiful for him inexplicably

During the time I was in contact with Yang, he was very active and attentive in his work, and even helped me a lot.

When I didn't have time to pick Yuyu up, I went to pick Yuyu up by myself. Yuyu was having fun with him. Seeing Yuyu so happy, I actually recognized Yang, the younger brother in my heart. Of course, I have always regarded him as my younger brother.

At that Eason Chan concert, you didn't accompany me, I asked him to accompany me.

I don't know why I called him, maybe I just treat him as a friend who can say everything.

That night, he was selected to order songs. The song he ordered said it was given to me. Finally, he pulled my hand. I wanted to pull it away, but I felt that it couldn't be pulled away at all. He pulled it tightly

Later, we talked more and more. I felt that Yang brought the topic to sex. You know about sex. I don’t have many presumptuous thoughts. Although Bai Luna and the others always think I’m very conservative, I still think it’s better to behave properly.

But when talking about sex with Yang, I felt it was hard to express at first, but later he said that sex and love are inseparable. Bold sex and bold love should be free, not suppressed. I think what he said was not too much. With Bai Luna and the others' guidance, I gradually felt that my sexual life with you was too conservative. You sometimes make demands, but I am always embarrassed. Actually, do you know?

I'm eager to try with you

And you are very good and respect me very much. If I refuse, you will not ask for it again.

In fact, after rejecting you, I regret it and even feel a little lost

If you ask again, I will definitely agree to you

Later, my son had a fever at school, and Yang braved the rain to take his son to the hospital. At that moment, I really collapsed. Fortunately, he was busy in the hospital. At that time, when I looked at him, I felt relieved.

I hope that that person is you

I admit that I gradually relied on him

You know what happened later

After the first relationship, I wanted to completely break off the relationship with him, but for some reason, he cried and begged me, and I felt a little soft-hearted. Maybe it was my own desires that were causing trouble.

After the first relationship, I thought that you hadn't come back from a business trip, so I'd just break up with him, just think of it as a dream

That day he picked up his son to the office to wait for me. After his son went to the bathroom, he came over and hugged me with a smile. In my office, I was shocked and the stockings on my back were torn to pieces by something. I slapped him and pushed him away. I originally wanted to tell him not to contact him in the future, but I didn't say anything and told him to leave.

Thinking that you are coming back soon, you will break it if it is time to break it. I asked him to explain it clearly at night

That night, my son fell asleep and saw that he was bleeding from his lips by me. I went to apply medicine to him. He said that his relationship would be broken afterwards. He treated it as a dream. He cried and kept looking at me. I didn't know why. After talking about it, I felt a little disappointed when I looked at him. He walked out of the door and was not leaving outside the door.

He returned and kissed me forcibly. I don't know why. Although I was very scared, I felt the feeling of losing and regaining it.

I had a second relationship that night. My son woke up and called me. I was gone at that time. After I asked my son to go back to bed, I drove him away.

After that night, I sent him a message and never contacted him again, and he didn't say anything

After you and I came back, I took us to the playground to play. When I met him playing with a girl, I felt unhappy inside.

Later he said that he was his friend and he had contact with him in the future, most of them were contacts at work until you went to GZ. Yang once came back to SZ to do business and told me that he would not go back to GZ very late. Maybe it was a long time ago, I asked him to come to eat at home, thinking that he had maintained a normal relationship with him, and those memories were treated as the past Yunyan. Who knew that he was uneasy that night, and I was teased by him. I was lost in it and hated myself, why can't I keep the last line

Seeing this, I remembered that Yang Hao once asked me for leave and said he would not go back to GZ

I also read his circle of friends, it turned out...

Thinking of this, although the facts are already on stage, I still feel my heart hurting slightly