I wrote about the manager two days ago and found that I was sitting in a fool for nine hours a day, and the rice and water didn't come in during this period.This writing is also a physical job
The experience I want to talk about below has crossed two decades. I quickly ate in the morning before I dared to turn on the computer, for fear that I would faint accidentally
In a word, memories are hard
Y and I have to recall the story of 1990s, we were high school classmates
When I was 15 years old, I met a fat and big boy sitting behind me. He laughed and laughed and laughed. We went not far or near in the whole high school era, but he was relatively mature.
In my senior year of high school, one day I asked him to go to the library to buy books and meet him in front of a very old-fashioned building - Hongqi Building
After waiting for him for a while, when he looked up, his bright sunny smile made my eyes lit up. I should have developed a strong sense of trust in him at that time.
After college, we were all away from our original environment, but we often wrote letters to each other.
One gentle afternoon, I sent him a letter, talked about the former Hongqi Building, and asked him if he would like me to be his girlfriend?
I was 20 years old at that time, so I was chasing him. We were together like that.
Within a few months, he took the train to my school to see me
I was a virgin at that time, and my sexual knowledge was not zero, but negative
The 20-year-old man studied in a place with a relatively strong folk customs in the Northeast (an absolute praise). He should have expected it when he came.
I took him to a hotel near the school to stay. When night fell, he began to get ready to move.
I'm not sure if he already has experience in this area, so I think it's time to come.
When he put his hand on my chest, I made an action that was surprising to me. I opened his hand and felt disgusting.
He thought I was embarrassed, so he didn't insist
This incident shocked me. I was sure I liked him, but why did this happen? I have struggled for a long time and troubled me every day.
Let me put it this way, I am a child who grew up in an unhappy environment of my family. I have no sense of security since I was a child and lack fatherly love.
So I have always had a good impression of mature men, but at that time, I may not be able to distinguish between security and love.
After struggling for two months, I finally took out a pen and started writing to him. I wasn't sure what I was going to say
I feel like I am slowly uncovering a secret of sealing and analyzing my doubts. When the letter was written on page 13, I found the answer - I don't love him, I just rely on it.
Now think about it, a girl who is not in love with her is really a pain in doing such a thing. She is destined to suffer in the future if she is precocious.
He finally accepted helplessly and said something like this: In the future, you will never meet a man who loves you like me in your life.
I actually didn't expect that he had such a deep affection for me, and it was proved later that our fate was harmful to others.
We didn't have many stories after that. He and I will always be the ones who trust the most. In other words, he is the closest person I have no blood relationship.
When I was 23 years old, I encountered the biggest blow in my life at that time. I don’t want to tell the details of my first love anymore.
After the accidental pregnancy surgery, I had severe depression symptoms because the doctor said I might not be able to have another child. At that time, I didn’t know how to find a psychologist or talk to my friends. I was getting thinner and thinner.
Actually, now it's all a big deal. Technology is so developed, nothing can be solved, but at that time I felt that the sky was about to collapse
Every day, half-awake, I accidentally bumped into my first love and my best friend in the car, or the pain on the operating table in my dream woke me up in the middle of the night and sweated.
Soon I couldn't stand it anymore. One night, I had a fight with my dad on the phone, and I had the idea of giving up my life
Say one of my dearest people, I called Y
The first time he told me about his own affairs, he was not as shocked as I expected after hearing this. After a long time of silence, he suddenly cried and said tremblingly: It's no big deal, no one will dislike you. As long as you are willing, I marry you, it doesn't matter if I don't have children...
It was his words that made me feel that someone still cherished my frivolous life
I was in Shanghai at that time, just one sentence from me: Can you come and take care of me?
The next day he sold the small shop he opened and came to Shanghai to accompany me.
He has paid too much for me, but I have revenge. This is a story later
When those dreams that still bothered me probably tormented me for two years, I would be awakened early every day, repeatedly, and not disturb me.
When I was 25 years old, I went abroad and these situations stopped. I felt like my life was a comeback.
The experiences that followed were related to this. I felt like a dry riverbed, and I urgently needed the nourishment of rain and dew, whether it was love or sex.
In this country I don’t have to recall the past. No one needs to know my past. I breathed the nutrients they gave me. I didn’t care until I was sweating profusely and exhausted.
After the manager's affairs, I not only smoked but also drank heavily, but I bought beer and red wine in boxes.
I am the general of the classmate and friend gathering, and I will never get drunk no matter how much I drink it
A male classmate was joking, it was too difficult to get drunk and take advantage of it if he wanted to get drunk.
Of course, Y is still my loyal listener. Whenever I want to pour bitterness, I will look for him. Then when I wake up, I will wash my face and do whatever I should do. I am heartless.
One night, I was still fine to harass him.He heard me say I didn’t eat for a day, and the first and only time I got angry with me: Don’t tell me about your affairs anymore. I have heard enough of you and you will go to bed by yourself. I have to digest it myself for a long time. Have you ever thought about my feelings?
I was stunned. Yes, I never thought about his feelings
Finally he sighed: Don't call me in the future. I don't want to know about you anymore. I have been waiting for you for so many years. I can't wait for you. I'm tired and I'm going to get married next month. The girl has also been waiting for me for several years. I have to give her an explanation to myself.
I felt like I fell into a black hole and kept falling. I don't know where it is
The next day I asked the company for two weeks off and bought a plane ticket and returned to China. I felt that I was an act of trying hard to grasp the last straw, and a survival instinct.
I haven't returned to China for five years, I never miss home, and I didn't have the money to run back and forth when I went to school.
It was winter at that time, and I was no longer used to the cold in the north of China getting off the plane. I was still wearing sneakers. The cold on the ground quickly penetrated my feet.
I just walked around like a clever one. I saw him who had been missing for a long time at the exit and he hadn't changed much. I'm still so fat and strong. I believe I'm already full of vicissitudes of life
He looked at me and said politely: You are mature
I said; Thank you
I looked at the city we lived together, everything was familiar and unfamiliar
He opened a small shop with his high school classmates and sold some fashionable clothes. The shop was very tasteful and met some friends who had not seen for more than ten years. Everyone was very happy and had a warmth from the heart.
At night, he took me to his house. Before taking a shower, he asked him where I slept. He pointed to his bed and said, "You slept here."
I have thought more than once that if I gave him the first night, would my life be less twists and turns
Finally we slept in a bed. He already has a lot of sexual experience. We should have wonderful sparks... The fact is that I fell asleep in the middle, I am really ashamed.
Transfer from Guangzhou, I basically stayed on the plane for two days without rest. And I am also a 30-year-old, so I really don’t have enough energy to do it.
He kissed, stroked, had key points and steps, had fronts and backs, and would not care about one thing or the other, but when he was still licking my sister, I actually fell asleep
I swear with my slutty love history that I have never done such a dirty thing in bed
I heard him scream in a daze: Is there someone like you? I'm busy jumping up and down here, and you're actually sleeping soundly!
I was so ashamed that I was so ashamed that I tugged on my hair and begged the leader to give me another chance to show off. Now I served him because he was very fat and we had the limitations of posture. In the end, I gave him oral sex.
Actually, I don't like oral sex for the first time, but for class friendship, I'm willing to sacrifice myself
When he was climaxing, he pressed my head tightly with his hands. I couldn't move it away, so he cumed in my mouth
I don't know what it feels like for those who have had this experience, I don't like it very much
He is the only man who cums in my mouth, for him, I'm willing
In those two weeks, we basically had sex whenever we had the chance, and we were playing the plot, I was a lady, he was a rapist, I was a female secretary of the company, he was a porn boss, etc.
We really have a lot of romantic feelings, and we have taken a lot of photos
Maybe it's because he has a big limb, but he is appreciated and petite. He is the only man I have ever dated who complained about my breasts being too big. Is it natural to hold his hands hard?
It's time for me to go back soon. At that time, my identity was about to come down soon. I said it would be a pity that I'll give up my identity now. He agreed.
We have never met again
My identity did not come down soon. At that time, the immigration policy card was very tight. I waited for another year to get the identity.
I have not actually summarized clearly why we didn't come together in the end. Now I'll try to summarize it.
I can't get over the most fundamental question: Do I love him? Do I love him or my relative? If I meet someone I truly love after marriage, will I leave him?
I was tortured by this problem and couldn't sleep at night. I often stared at the wall. I thought I was selfish. I could afford to leave him now. I couldn't afford to betray him in the future.
In this way, we slowly faded and stopped contacting each other
I worked very hard when I wrote Y's story. Every word was difficult. I stopped several times and couldn't continue because I had to face my inner ugliness and selfishness.
I was hurt several times, but I could still pick up the knife and chop it down at him. I repeatedly treated his love for me as a thirst-quenching spring, and left after drinking it, regardless of his crushing bones.
I haven't contacted him for the past few years, not because I forgot, but because of guilt
I don't know if he is married now, whether he is happy or not, whether he hates me, I don't even have the courage to inquire.
Several friends in my country know about this incident, but they all chose to keep silent about his affairs in front of me, which is also a punishment for me.
Sorry, my dear, I can't love you in this life
Sometimes I sneer, my love journey is so twists and turns because I am not a good woman, so why did I meet a good man...
********************
After writing this paragraph, I found that my fingers were trembling and I couldn't even breathe
The experience I want to talk about below has crossed two decades. I quickly ate in the morning before I dared to turn on the computer, for fear that I would faint accidentally
In a word, memories are hard
Y and I have to recall the story of 1990s, we were high school classmates
When I was 15 years old, I met a fat and big boy sitting behind me. He laughed and laughed and laughed. We went not far or near in the whole high school era, but he was relatively mature.
In my senior year of high school, one day I asked him to go to the library to buy books and meet him in front of a very old-fashioned building - Hongqi Building
After waiting for him for a while, when he looked up, his bright sunny smile made my eyes lit up. I should have developed a strong sense of trust in him at that time.
After college, we were all away from our original environment, but we often wrote letters to each other.
One gentle afternoon, I sent him a letter, talked about the former Hongqi Building, and asked him if he would like me to be his girlfriend?
I was 20 years old at that time, so I was chasing him. We were together like that.
Within a few months, he took the train to my school to see me
I was a virgin at that time, and my sexual knowledge was not zero, but negative
The 20-year-old man studied in a place with a relatively strong folk customs in the Northeast (an absolute praise). He should have expected it when he came.
I took him to a hotel near the school to stay. When night fell, he began to get ready to move.
I'm not sure if he already has experience in this area, so I think it's time to come.
When he put his hand on my chest, I made an action that was surprising to me. I opened his hand and felt disgusting.
He thought I was embarrassed, so he didn't insist
This incident shocked me. I was sure I liked him, but why did this happen? I have struggled for a long time and troubled me every day.
Let me put it this way, I am a child who grew up in an unhappy environment of my family. I have no sense of security since I was a child and lack fatherly love.
So I have always had a good impression of mature men, but at that time, I may not be able to distinguish between security and love.
After struggling for two months, I finally took out a pen and started writing to him. I wasn't sure what I was going to say
I feel like I am slowly uncovering a secret of sealing and analyzing my doubts. When the letter was written on page 13, I found the answer - I don't love him, I just rely on it.
Now think about it, a girl who is not in love with her is really a pain in doing such a thing. She is destined to suffer in the future if she is precocious.
He finally accepted helplessly and said something like this: In the future, you will never meet a man who loves you like me in your life.
I actually didn't expect that he had such a deep affection for me, and it was proved later that our fate was harmful to others.
We didn't have many stories after that. He and I will always be the ones who trust the most. In other words, he is the closest person I have no blood relationship.
When I was 23 years old, I encountered the biggest blow in my life at that time. I don’t want to tell the details of my first love anymore.
After the accidental pregnancy surgery, I had severe depression symptoms because the doctor said I might not be able to have another child. At that time, I didn’t know how to find a psychologist or talk to my friends. I was getting thinner and thinner.
Actually, now it's all a big deal. Technology is so developed, nothing can be solved, but at that time I felt that the sky was about to collapse
Every day, half-awake, I accidentally bumped into my first love and my best friend in the car, or the pain on the operating table in my dream woke me up in the middle of the night and sweated.
Soon I couldn't stand it anymore. One night, I had a fight with my dad on the phone, and I had the idea of giving up my life
Say one of my dearest people, I called Y
The first time he told me about his own affairs, he was not as shocked as I expected after hearing this. After a long time of silence, he suddenly cried and said tremblingly: It's no big deal, no one will dislike you. As long as you are willing, I marry you, it doesn't matter if I don't have children...
It was his words that made me feel that someone still cherished my frivolous life
I was in Shanghai at that time, just one sentence from me: Can you come and take care of me?
The next day he sold the small shop he opened and came to Shanghai to accompany me.
He has paid too much for me, but I have revenge. This is a story later
When those dreams that still bothered me probably tormented me for two years, I would be awakened early every day, repeatedly, and not disturb me.
When I was 25 years old, I went abroad and these situations stopped. I felt like my life was a comeback.
The experiences that followed were related to this. I felt like a dry riverbed, and I urgently needed the nourishment of rain and dew, whether it was love or sex.
In this country I don’t have to recall the past. No one needs to know my past. I breathed the nutrients they gave me. I didn’t care until I was sweating profusely and exhausted.
After the manager's affairs, I not only smoked but also drank heavily, but I bought beer and red wine in boxes.
I am the general of the classmate and friend gathering, and I will never get drunk no matter how much I drink it
A male classmate was joking, it was too difficult to get drunk and take advantage of it if he wanted to get drunk.
Of course, Y is still my loyal listener. Whenever I want to pour bitterness, I will look for him. Then when I wake up, I will wash my face and do whatever I should do. I am heartless.
One night, I was still fine to harass him.He heard me say I didn’t eat for a day, and the first and only time I got angry with me: Don’t tell me about your affairs anymore. I have heard enough of you and you will go to bed by yourself. I have to digest it myself for a long time. Have you ever thought about my feelings?
I was stunned. Yes, I never thought about his feelings
Finally he sighed: Don't call me in the future. I don't want to know about you anymore. I have been waiting for you for so many years. I can't wait for you. I'm tired and I'm going to get married next month. The girl has also been waiting for me for several years. I have to give her an explanation to myself.
I felt like I fell into a black hole and kept falling. I don't know where it is
The next day I asked the company for two weeks off and bought a plane ticket and returned to China. I felt that I was an act of trying hard to grasp the last straw, and a survival instinct.
I haven't returned to China for five years, I never miss home, and I didn't have the money to run back and forth when I went to school.
It was winter at that time, and I was no longer used to the cold in the north of China getting off the plane. I was still wearing sneakers. The cold on the ground quickly penetrated my feet.
I just walked around like a clever one. I saw him who had been missing for a long time at the exit and he hadn't changed much. I'm still so fat and strong. I believe I'm already full of vicissitudes of life
He looked at me and said politely: You are mature
I said; Thank you
I looked at the city we lived together, everything was familiar and unfamiliar
He opened a small shop with his high school classmates and sold some fashionable clothes. The shop was very tasteful and met some friends who had not seen for more than ten years. Everyone was very happy and had a warmth from the heart.
At night, he took me to his house. Before taking a shower, he asked him where I slept. He pointed to his bed and said, "You slept here."
I have thought more than once that if I gave him the first night, would my life be less twists and turns
Finally we slept in a bed. He already has a lot of sexual experience. We should have wonderful sparks... The fact is that I fell asleep in the middle, I am really ashamed.
Transfer from Guangzhou, I basically stayed on the plane for two days without rest. And I am also a 30-year-old, so I really don’t have enough energy to do it.
He kissed, stroked, had key points and steps, had fronts and backs, and would not care about one thing or the other, but when he was still licking my sister, I actually fell asleep
I swear with my slutty love history that I have never done such a dirty thing in bed
I heard him scream in a daze: Is there someone like you? I'm busy jumping up and down here, and you're actually sleeping soundly!
I was so ashamed that I was so ashamed that I tugged on my hair and begged the leader to give me another chance to show off. Now I served him because he was very fat and we had the limitations of posture. In the end, I gave him oral sex.
Actually, I don't like oral sex for the first time, but for class friendship, I'm willing to sacrifice myself
When he was climaxing, he pressed my head tightly with his hands. I couldn't move it away, so he cumed in my mouth
I don't know what it feels like for those who have had this experience, I don't like it very much
He is the only man who cums in my mouth, for him, I'm willing
In those two weeks, we basically had sex whenever we had the chance, and we were playing the plot, I was a lady, he was a rapist, I was a female secretary of the company, he was a porn boss, etc.
We really have a lot of romantic feelings, and we have taken a lot of photos
Maybe it's because he has a big limb, but he is appreciated and petite. He is the only man I have ever dated who complained about my breasts being too big. Is it natural to hold his hands hard?
It's time for me to go back soon. At that time, my identity was about to come down soon. I said it would be a pity that I'll give up my identity now. He agreed.
We have never met again
My identity did not come down soon. At that time, the immigration policy card was very tight. I waited for another year to get the identity.
I have not actually summarized clearly why we didn't come together in the end. Now I'll try to summarize it.
I can't get over the most fundamental question: Do I love him? Do I love him or my relative? If I meet someone I truly love after marriage, will I leave him?
I was tortured by this problem and couldn't sleep at night. I often stared at the wall. I thought I was selfish. I could afford to leave him now. I couldn't afford to betray him in the future.
In this way, we slowly faded and stopped contacting each other
I worked very hard when I wrote Y's story. Every word was difficult. I stopped several times and couldn't continue because I had to face my inner ugliness and selfishness.
I was hurt several times, but I could still pick up the knife and chop it down at him. I repeatedly treated his love for me as a thirst-quenching spring, and left after drinking it, regardless of his crushing bones.
I haven't contacted him for the past few years, not because I forgot, but because of guilt
I don't know if he is married now, whether he is happy or not, whether he hates me, I don't even have the courage to inquire.
Several friends in my country know about this incident, but they all chose to keep silent about his affairs in front of me, which is also a punishment for me.
Sorry, my dear, I can't love you in this life
Sometimes I sneer, my love journey is so twists and turns because I am not a good woman, so why did I meet a good man...
********************
After writing this paragraph, I found that my fingers were trembling and I couldn't even breathe
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