Chapter 312 The Sea of Stars

7days ago Celebrity fiction 5
Dear Adong, I see my words as if I am in the face.

I wonder if you will be in good condition when you received the letter?

At the moment I finished writing, I was sitting on the hospital bed. It was raining all night outside the window. The nurse had just arrived to collect the last bag of hanging liquid, and Xiao Zou slept very peacefully outside... The ward behind me was like a mouth of a swallowing beast. Every night I stayed, I felt tighter and tighter than before.

It's really scary.

In the past two days, I have had several nightmares in a row. Sometimes I can’t sleep well or wake up, and I feel uncomfortable.Whenever I have this kind of barrier, I will think, if you are with me, I will definitely not dream so much, right?

Actually, Adong, do you know?In my heart, no matter what name, what position you are, and what identity you have changed into, you always have the same existence as my confidence!It allows me to pick up my courage and deal with it bravely when I encounter cowardly; after being hurt, I can also endure the pain and grit my teeth and continue to stagger.

I have wanted to talk about some of the words I have long since I thought of sharing with you, but I have never found the right opportunity to speak.Now I can finally calm down, so I want to record it for you in the form of letters, as a late White Valentine's Day gift, just hope you don't feel perfunctory.

Seeing this, Cheng Nianzhang pursed his lips, gradually took off his strength, sat on the ground with his legs in his arms.

He put the letter aside for the time being and buried his face in his bent knees.Maybe he didn't want to show his tears until he calmed down his emotions, and he red his eyes and picked up the letter back in front of him.

Do you still remember the day I just returned to China?It was the time before the start of the filming in September, the main creators were in a hurry.Although it has been a long time, I have always remembered the scene clearly.

You were so fierce at that time.

I was so fierce that I didn't dare to get close to me and talked. I could only take advantage of the opportunity of the wine party to think about whether I could say hello to you. I said for a long time no see, just like an ordinary friend, telling the past.

As for what happened later, I won’t repeat it in the letter. In fact, even now, I will still be very angry.I can't understand what you did at that time, I can't accept the reality that you hate, and I can't help but feel disappointed in you because of my sincere disappointment.

Since experiencing this, in order to convince myself that I like you, I have been arguing with the rationality of my love for Cheng Nianzhang and Zhao Chengdong, and constantly hypnotizing myself. What I like is your clean and transparent spirit when you were young, and your spirit of striving for the best; rather than the snobbery that is now engaging in thick and unscrupulous and useless measures.

If Adong, you see this, please don’t be angry first.

Because I have realized how unfair this idea is to you.I claim to be my lover, and I am only willing to accept the brightness, dependence and warmth of the other person, but I ignore the situation where you are struggling with me, and always speak lightly, accuse you of your choices to establish yourself in the world...

After letting go of your obsession and looking back, I finally understood what you meant to me.Would it be very uncomfortable?I found that the person I loved was always treating myself like this.

Sorry, although I’m sorry for being a little behind, it’s the first time I’m experiencing love and being loved so sincerely that I can inevitably be nervous, awkward, speak nonsense, and make some stupid mistakes.I hope you don’t take those impulsive words too much into your heart.

Adong, you are a very good person, whether it is the past, present, or the distant future.You are all very good and very good.It is a very good person who deserves to be loved and favored.

No matter what I have experienced or lost, I always believe that meeting you is a kind of luck in my life, the romance of heroism shining into reality, the splendor of the spring breeze blowing through the green fields, and the mountains are full of peach blossoms.

If life is compared to a four-act drama, I am very grateful to have your participation in the plot of the first act.

When the book ends here, the first page of the letter comes to an abrupt end.

Cheng Nianzhang was stunned. He thought she would accuse him, count the mistakes, and list a bunch of reasons for leaving.

But Rashen did not. She said he was a very good person, said sorry, and said a lot of gratitude.

This kind of relief, like a dying good word, makes people feel even more sad.

He noticed the wetness, raised his hand, wiped the corners of his eyes with his ring finger, then took a deep breath, held back the feeling of grief, and alternated the letter paper.

Adong, let me tell you about discovery.

I found that you never believed what I said.It’s not about your bad intentions. After all, it’s really hard for me to feel at ease when dealing with a romantic relationship; and because of my timidity, I always use some ambiguous statements to try to cover up and avoid problems.

Actually, I know that you are a person with strong self-esteem.I have never liked to speak since I was a child. Even if I care very much about some people or things, I rarely make it clear and ask for it.It seems that as long as you have never grasped it hard, you will be able to avoid the embarrassment of not being able to get it when you lose it.

This deviation makes me look frivolous and always makes you feel a little awkward.But in essence, we are not the kind of appearance that we show on the surface, right?

Not sure before, but recently I feel more and more that I may...be more than you think, or even more cognitively than myself.

I want to love you a little more.

What should I say?Although love is not something that can be quantified, love and the feeling of being loved always happens so real, delicate and concrete. Maybe it is when I am sitting in a convenience store waiting for you to pick me up; maybe it is when I am blocking the road together, quiet and comfortable; maybe it is when I am standing on the steps and blocking the rain for me...

There are so many, in the corner you don’t know, I have been moved by these tiny pimples.

I used to be afraid that I would seem spineless when I said it, but if I didn’t say it, I was afraid that you would think I didn’t love you enough.So I came up with a wonderful idea and decided to keep it and write them into the wedding vows so that I could see you in front of me with your eyes crying red in surprise.

Recently, my brother and child affairs have made me seem a little cold to you.However, this is not the case. I just want to live a good life with you too much. I think I can settle it quietly, but I didn't expect that I would encounter these unexpected changes in the middle.

It was really sudden, and it was turned upside down overnight.Just like a person who has been following the map, he just walked into a dead end. He was confused and could not find the future.

It was not until this time that I finally understood that the problem that lies between you and me was destined to be an unsolvable ending from the very beginning.

I have always been thinking lately that if I hadn't come back; if I hadn't knocked on your door that night; if I had been treated with your cold treatment, I could choose to leave; if I was not selfishly greedy for the dependence you gave me.That is, many people will not go far, and many sufferings will not fall into nothing.I will continue to live an ordinary and mediocre life, and you will also fulfill your long-cherished wish according to your original plan.

Adong, now we have come to a new fork in the road, facing a new if.In order not to be burdened with each other, I seem to have to accompany you here.

Please forgive me and say goodbye to you in this way.

In the future, I will try my best to get rid of cowardice and internalize my confidence to fight life; and Ah Dong, you must follow your steps and walk your own path.

I wish you all the best in the future.

I also hope that one day we will all get what we want and become the person we really want to be.

That's all

Rasansen

March 16, 2018